Tales from the Bridal Salon. A Discussion with Emily Lappi

Whose wedding is it anyway? When it comes to a bride’s big day, choosing a wedding
dress is anything but simple — especially while navigating the complex
mother-daughter relationship.

In this week’s episode, we hear from Emily Lappi, a bridal consultant, actor, former podcast host, and friend of Dr. Michelle Miller-Day. With over eight years of experience styling brides, Emily has truly seen it all, sharing numerous stories that highlight topics such as body image, menstruation, and parental health. She views the dress selection process as a symbol of a woman coming into her own power as she prepares for marriage, independent of her mother. Considering the pressure that can be felt from one’s mother, family, or media depictions, it is essential for brides to set boundaries while remaining open to change. Rather than asking what a mother “wants,” Emily suggests asking what she “sees” her daughter wearing; this centers the focus of the wedding dress shopping (and the wedding) on the bride and her partner. As a stylist, Emily works to bridge any gaps between a mother and daughter, keeping the bride’s happiness paramount.

Emily describes witnessing hurtful communication practices like mothers who retreat or attack during bridal fittings, withholding communication or making hurtful comments about their daughter's physical appearance. In response, brides “deflate” under their mother’s disapproval. A better way forward, Emily says, is for a Mother of the Bride (MOBs) to practice active listening. Active listening allows daughters to lead the experience with mothers reflecting upon daughters' communication, holding back any negative appraisals. Michelle and Emily discuss the importance of mother-daughter communication when wedding dress shopping and how Gen Z daughters and their mothers seem to be more accepting of one another. Learning how to communicate effectively has become a lot more accessible thanks to social media. And that's a good thing! After all, it is your daughter’s wedding!

Tips from the hosts, Drs. Allison Alford and Michelle Miller-Day:

1. Mothers often see daughters as extensions of their own bodies — be mindful of the comments being made.
2. Have a conversation prior to the bridal appointment to set boundaries and articulate expectations.
3. Hold the experience with “open hands” by considering new possibilities

Quote from Emily
“It’s not about what the dress looks like, it's how you feel in it — because how you feel in your dress is what shows in your photos.”

Quote from Michelle
“Comments matter. Be careful and aware of the comments that you make. You serve as a model for your daughter.”

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