Former NLF player turned church pastor, Derwin Gray, and his beautiful wife, Vicki, share wisdom drawn from over 33 years of marriage, their journey from a lopsided spiritual partnership to unified faith, and practical ways couples can cultivate deep spiritual intimacy—no matter their starting point.

Notable Quotes

• Derwin: “Intimacy is ‘into me, you see.’ … It’s a position of vulnerability. … The blood of Jesus either declares me righteous or it doesn’t. That frees me to be able to give myself to my wife.”

• Vicki: “Letting Jesus change you—that’s what’s going to draw your spouse … learning to just ‘be’ with Jesus and trust Him to reflect light through you.”

• Dana Che: “If your security isn’t rooted in Christ, you look at your spouse as an enemy, instead of the helper they were created to be.”

Resources Mentioned

• Get Derwin's Book: Lit Up With Love by Dr. Derwin Gray

• Get your FREE Intimacy Series Guide here.
• Register for the upcoming online "Marriage Reset" Workshop

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Whether you've been married for decades or are just starting out, this episode will help you understand intimacy in all its facets (beyond the bedroom) and how to cultivate the kind of deep connection that produces positive fruit in your relationship.

Key Takeaways:

• Defining Intimacy: My personal definition—“being fully known and knowing fully”—plus learn the biblical and practical roots of true intimacy.
• Vulnerability and Trust: Why being “naked and unashamed” goes beyond just the physical, and why you can’t have true vulnerability without trust.
• Common Misconceptions: We're busting myths about intimacy—it's not just about sex, titles, or knowing trivia about your spouse.
• The 5 Types of Intimacy:
• 1. Spiritual Intimacy: The highest form of connection, involving shared values, faith, and worldview. Learn how to deepen spiritual intimacy even if you and your spouse don’t agree on everything spiritual.
  2. Emotional Intimacy: Building trust through sharing feelings, vulnerability, and honest communication.
  3. Physical Intimacy: More than sex! This is about affectionate touch and physical closeness that isn’t always sexual.
  4. Intellectual Intimacy: Connecting through shared ideas, learning, and stimulating conversation—even if your interests differ.
  5. Recreational Intimacy: Having fun together and sharing leisure activities to keep the spark alive.
• Practical Homework: Strengthen two areas this week: spiritual intimacy (Hint: ask your spouse how to improve it), and recreational intimacy (Do something fun together).

Resources & Links

• Get Your Free Intimacy Series Guide: Self-checks, assessments, and tips to help you and your spouse deepen your connection.
• Related Content:
• • What to Do When Your Husband Does Not Lead Spiritually (YouTube Video)
  • Episodes on sexless marriages YouTube + Podcast episode

Key Quotes

• “Intimacy is being fully known and knowing fully.”
• “You can’t have vulnerability without trust.”
• “Being a Christian doesn’t guarantee spiritual intimacy—shared values and open communication do.”
• “Physical intimacy is more than sex. Even long hugs or holding hands matter.”
• “Don’t forget to have FUN in your marriage!”

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We've all been given some bad marriage advice from well-meaning folks. But what if that bad marriage advice is ruining your intimacy? My guest, Monica Tanner, and I discuss what helpful marriage advice couples should focus on instead. Monica shares wisdom from her upcoming book, Bad Marriage Advice, and how this relates to intimacy. Let's stop the crazy cycle and lean into the hard truths and practical steps needed to create lasting intimacy and connection in marriage.

Key Takeaways:

• Bad Marriage Advice (And Why It Backfires):
  You'll laugh and commiserate about the terrible marriage clichés we’ve all heard—like "happy wife, happy life," "don’t go to bed angry," and more.
• The Power of the Pause:
  The wisdom of taking a break during heated moments instead of forcing a late-night resolution.
• Intimacy Isn’t Automatic—It’s Cultivated:
  Intimacy was not always present in our marriages and has required time, personal growth, and intentionality to develop.
• Debunking the “You’ve Changed” Myth:
  Change is natural. The key is staying curious and engaged with your partner’s growth rather than resenting natural changes.
• From Lazy Communication to Loving Curiosity:
  You just have to listen to this one to grab the nuggets
• Collaboration Over Compromise:
  Using real-life examples, Monica and Dana model what it looks like to approach differences (early bird/night owl dynamics, for instance) with teamwork rather than resentment or forced compromise.

Quotable Moments:

• “At the root of all the bad marriage advice is lazy communication.” – Monica Tanner
• “There is no greater investment of your time than building a marriage that is healthy and whole.” – Dana Che

Resources Mentioned:

• Monica Tanner’s Website & Book Info: monicatanner.com
• Dana Che’s Free Intimacy Series Guide: danache.com/intimacyseries

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Is it chemistry or intimacy that keeps a relationship going strong? In today's episode, we discuss how chemistry gets you in the door, but intimacy is what keeps you in the room. When I first started dating my husband, it was electric: the butterflies, the late-night talks, the “I can’t stop thinking about you” feeling. We used to talk on the phone until we literally fell asleep listening to each other breathe! (Does anyone still do that these days?) Back then, I felt on top of the world. But was it love… or just chemistry?

Here’s the truth: that exhilarating rush draws you together, but it doesn’t always last—and it’s not the whole picture. Too many relationships end too early because people are yearning for chemistry alone.

In today's episode, we're discussing the essential differences—and connections—between chemistry and intimacy in marriage. I'll explain why a thriving relationship needs both the “fireworks” of chemistry and the “slow burn” of true intimacy, and I'll share practical steps to nurture both qualities in your relationship.

Key Takeaways:

• Chemistry vs. Intimacy:
  Chemistry brings excitement and passion at the start of a relationship, but lasting intimacy is built through emotional safety, vulnerability, and being truly seen and loved.

• The Intimacy Framework:
  My four-quadrant model to pinpoint where your relationship stands:

  1. High Chemistry / High Intimacy (the marriage sweet spot)

  2. High Chemistry / Low Intimacy (fun but fragile)

  3. Low Chemistry / High Intimacy (roommate syndrome)

  4. Low Chemistry / Low Intimacy (running on empty)

• Common Myths Debunked:
  - Myth #1: Chemistry automatically leads to intimacy.
  - Myth #2: Chemistry, once lost, can’t be revived.
  - Myth #3: Intimacy is just about s*x

This Episode's Free Resource:

Each episode in this series offers a free resource to grow your intimacy!
Download this week’s guide: Chemistry vs Intimacy Self-Check here!

Follow Dana Che on the socials where you can get shareable quotes about each episode!

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Do you freeze up or shut down when it’s time to have hard conversations? Maybe you avoid conflict altogether because you’re afraid of making things worse. In today’s episode, we’re talking about how to stop running from relational tension and start communicating with confidence—even when it’s uncomfortable.

Avoiding conflict might feel safe in the moment, but over time, it damages connection, fuels resentment, and creates distance in your relationship. I’ll share how you can shift from conflict avoidance to confident communication using practical tools that build emotional safety and mutual respect.

Whether you’re naturally more passive or you’re just tired of having the same arguments over and over again, this episode will help you develop the courage and clarity you need to address issues in a healthy way.

💬 What You’ll Learn:

* Why avoiding conflict is actually more harmful than conflict itself
* Common reasons we fear confrontation and how to overcome them
* How the way we were raised plays a significant role in how we handle conflict
* How to communicate confidently without being combative
* A simple framework to approach hard conversations with grace and truth

Resources Mentioned:

Get Your FREE "Conversation Starters When Facing Conflict" Guide Here!

💡 Connect & follow Dana Che on the socials!

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Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

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Move over, stereotypes! Yes, it's a fact that men and women communicate differently. However, not all gender communication styles are the same. Joining us is my husband, Shaun, who, in his own special way, helps to explain the differences in how men and women communicate. If you're having a bad day, this episode is sure to cheer you up. Plus, you'll learn a lot in the process, like . . .

• Which gender prefers details over the other
• The difference between facts and feelings
• Why men don't open up about their feelings
• How feedback helps build connection in relationships
• What women are really asking when they make small talk

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

Get your FREE Communication 101 Podcast Playlist here!

Want to grow into the "Ultimate Couple"? This FREE Checklist will guide you there.

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Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Here’s the hard truth: most of us are not good listeners, even though we think we are. In today’s episode, you’ll learn seven tips on becoming a better listener and how to encourage your people to do the same. Communication doesn't have to go wild! The good news is that with a few tweaks, anyone can become a better listener and have more mutually beneficial conversations with those they care about.

Here's some of what you'll glean from this episode:

🔎 Key Points & Topics:

✅ How to listen with your eyes
✅ How to listen for feelings, not just facts
✅ The science behind why we don't listen well
✅ The importance of empathy in listening

And much more! Happy listening! (Pun intended!)

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Get your FREE Conversation Starters When in Conflict here.

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Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

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Today's episode is like a master's course on communication in relationships. We're breaking down Dr. John Gottman’s famous concept of the “Four Horsemen” — four destructive communication habits that can quietly ruin even the strongest relationships if left unchecked.

Drawing inspiration from the dramatic imagery of the biblical Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Gottman identifies Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling as the signs that a relationship is headed for disaster. But here’s the good news: each horseman has an antidote — and today, I’ll show you exactly how to use them.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in repetitive conflicts, silent stand-offs, or resentment, this episode is your roadmap to break the cycle and rebuild trust, respect, and connection — one conversation at a time.

Key Takeaways:
✅ The Four Horsemen explained: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, Stonewalling
✅ How to recognize them in your marriage or relationship
✅ Proven antidotes to each destructive habit
✅ Encouragement to transform conflict into connection

🔗 Resources Mentioned:

• Dr. John Gottman’s research on the Four Horsemen

• Free guide: How to Become "The Ultimate Couple"

• Related episode: It’s Not You, It’s Me — The Power of “I” Statements

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Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.