Former NLF player turned church pastor, Derwin Gray, and his beautiful wife, Vicki, share wisdom drawn from over 33 years of marriage, their journey from a lopsided spiritual partnership to unified faith, and practical ways couples can cultivate deep spiritual intimacy—no matter their starting point.

Notable Quotes

• Derwin: “Intimacy is ‘into me, you see.’ … It’s a position of vulnerability. … The blood of Jesus either declares me righteous or it doesn’t. That frees me to be able to give myself to my wife.”

• Vicki: “Letting Jesus change you—that’s what’s going to draw your spouse … learning to just ‘be’ with Jesus and trust Him to reflect light through you.”

• Dana Che: “If your security isn’t rooted in Christ, you look at your spouse as an enemy, instead of the helper they were created to be.”

Resources Mentioned

• Get Derwin's Book: Lit Up With Love by Dr. Derwin Gray

• Get your FREE Intimacy Series Guide here.
• Register for the upcoming online "Marriage Reset" Workshop

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Whether you've been married for decades or are just starting out, this episode will help you understand intimacy in all its facets (beyond the bedroom) and how to cultivate the kind of deep connection that produces positive fruit in your relationship.

Key Takeaways:

• Defining Intimacy: My personal definition—“being fully known and knowing fully”—plus learn the biblical and practical roots of true intimacy.
• Vulnerability and Trust: Why being “naked and unashamed” goes beyond just the physical, and why you can’t have true vulnerability without trust.
• Common Misconceptions: We're busting myths about intimacy—it's not just about sex, titles, or knowing trivia about your spouse.
• The 5 Types of Intimacy:
• 1. Spiritual Intimacy: The highest form of connection, involving shared values, faith, and worldview. Learn how to deepen spiritual intimacy even if you and your spouse don’t agree on everything spiritual.
  2. Emotional Intimacy: Building trust through sharing feelings, vulnerability, and honest communication.
  3. Physical Intimacy: More than sex! This is about affectionate touch and physical closeness that isn’t always sexual.
  4. Intellectual Intimacy: Connecting through shared ideas, learning, and stimulating conversation—even if your interests differ.
  5. Recreational Intimacy: Having fun together and sharing leisure activities to keep the spark alive.
• Practical Homework: Strengthen two areas this week: spiritual intimacy (Hint: ask your spouse how to improve it), and recreational intimacy (Do something fun together).

Resources & Links

• Get Your Free Intimacy Series Guide: Self-checks, assessments, and tips to help you and your spouse deepen your connection.
• Related Content:
• • What to Do When Your Husband Does Not Lead Spiritually (YouTube Video)
  • Episodes on sexless marriages YouTube + Podcast episode

Key Quotes

• “Intimacy is being fully known and knowing fully.”
• “You can’t have vulnerability without trust.”
• “Being a Christian doesn’t guarantee spiritual intimacy—shared values and open communication do.”
• “Physical intimacy is more than sex. Even long hugs or holding hands matter.”
• “Don’t forget to have FUN in your marriage!”

Follow Dana Che on the socials!

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Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

We've all been given some bad marriage advice from well-meaning folks. But what if that bad marriage advice is ruining your intimacy? My guest, Monica Tanner, and I discuss what helpful marriage advice couples should focus on instead. Monica shares wisdom from her upcoming book, Bad Marriage Advice, and how this relates to intimacy. Let's stop the crazy cycle and lean into the hard truths and practical steps needed to create lasting intimacy and connection in marriage.

Key Takeaways:

• Bad Marriage Advice (And Why It Backfires):
  You'll laugh and commiserate about the terrible marriage clichés we’ve all heard—like "happy wife, happy life," "don’t go to bed angry," and more.
• The Power of the Pause:
  The wisdom of taking a break during heated moments instead of forcing a late-night resolution.
• Intimacy Isn’t Automatic—It’s Cultivated:
  Intimacy was not always present in our marriages and has required time, personal growth, and intentionality to develop.
• Debunking the “You’ve Changed” Myth:
  Change is natural. The key is staying curious and engaged with your partner’s growth rather than resenting natural changes.
• From Lazy Communication to Loving Curiosity:
  You just have to listen to this one to grab the nuggets
• Collaboration Over Compromise:
  Using real-life examples, Monica and Dana model what it looks like to approach differences (early bird/night owl dynamics, for instance) with teamwork rather than resentment or forced compromise.

Quotable Moments:

• “At the root of all the bad marriage advice is lazy communication.” – Monica Tanner
• “There is no greater investment of your time than building a marriage that is healthy and whole.” – Dana Che

Resources Mentioned:

• Monica Tanner’s Website & Book Info: monicatanner.com
• Dana Che’s Free Intimacy Series Guide: danache.com/intimacyseries

Follow Dana Che on the socials!

Instagram

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YouTube

Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.