You're not alone if you have tough, scary, horrible thoughts after ending a wanted pregnancy, terminating a wanted pregnancy, having an abortion for medical reasons. When you've lost a baby in pregnancy after a horrible prenatal diagnosis, of course not all your thoughts are cheery and light.

In this episode I talk about some hard thoughts you may be struggling with, and a safe space you could join if you'd like someone to hold you through it.

The thoughts that keep you up at 3am after TFMR aren't talked about in regular grief spaces. They're too raw, too complex, too misunderstood. But having these thoughts doesn't make you a monster… it makes you HUMAN.

In this solo episode, I share 5 of the toughest thoughts TFMR parents carry, from hoping your baby would die naturally to realizing there's no safe time in pregnancy. These aren't easy to hear, but if you've had them, you need to know you're not alone and you're not broken. We hold these thoughts together because that's the only way they become bearable.

Special holiday support package with a 1:1 session AND "Peace of Mind: Audio mindfulness program for TFMR parents" here: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/holiday-support

START 1on1 SUPPORT NOW:
📧 Email me, I want to hear from you: sabrina @ the tfmrdoula . com
📅 If you’ve received a devastating diagnosis and want emotional support through deciding what’s next, book a Decision Support call here: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/decision-support.html
‌
MORE TFMR GRIEF SUPPORT RESOURCES:
For more TFMR support, join us over on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/thetfmrdoula
💜 Join our Facebook group: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/facebookgroup
‌
🎙 Want to share your story on Our TFMR Stories?
Email Sabrina sabrina @ the TFMR doula . com to be featured on the podcast
‌
Music credit:
Pamgaea by Kevin MacLeod
Creative Commons License
Links: https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=usuan1300036
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
...

Re-released episode, originally from 2023.

Grief can be especially hard around the holidays and through the new year with expectations to be "joyful" and "cheerful." In this episode I answer questions from other TFMR parents in the community about getting through the holidays. You'll hear 4 main tips PLUS an explanation of "Grieving in 4D."

This episode was originally recorded as a live video in the TFMR Support Circle Facebook group. Apply to join us here: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/facebookgroup to listen to episodes early.

Other links mentioned:
Get your free copy of the guide "Self-care in the Grief of TFMR" here: http://www.thetfmrdoula.com/tfmr-self-care

Special holiday support package with a 1:1 session AND "Peace of Mind: Audio mindfulness program for TFMR parents" here: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/holiday-support

START 1on1 SUPPORT NOW:
📧 Email me, I want to hear from you: sabrina @ the tfmrdoula . com
📅 If you’ve received a devastating diagnosis and want emotional support through deciding what’s next, book a Decision Support call here: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/decision-support.html
‌
‌MORE TFMR GRIEF SUPPORT RESOURCES:
For more TFMR support, join us over on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/thetfmrdoula
💜 Join our Facebook group: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/facebookgroup
‌
🎙 Want to share your story on Our TFMR Stories?
Email Sabrina sabrina @ the TFMR doula . com to be featured on the podcast
‌
Music credit:
Pamgaea by Kevin MacLeod
Creative Commons License
Links: https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1300036
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
...

In Part 2 of 2 of Rachel Polans' TFMR story, we move into what happened after her baby’s rare ‘de novo’ genetic mutation diagnosis. The D&E procedure in Brooklyn, the physical reality of being postpartum without a baby. Rachel talks about what it was like being in a general surgery pre-op area with people there for all kinds of procedures, not a space designed for pregnancy loss.

Rachel shares about the haunting due date, seeing other people who were pregnant at the same time have their babies, and struggling with the medical record that says "elective termination" when that's not what this was at all.

Rachel also opens up about how being a genetic counselor shaped her grief differently - she never even knew the term TFMR existed until after her loss, even though she had counseled families through this exact experience.

If you're postpartum without your baby, if you're struggling with how the medical system names (or doesn’t name) what happened to you, if you work in healthcare and nobody prepared you for living through this yourself, or if you're trying to find your people and don't know what to search for: I hope Rachel's honesty about finding the TFMR community and now navigating pregnancy after loss will help you feel less alone.

Thank you, Rachel, for sharing your baby's story with us 💜

Rachel also wants to share her Instagram profile if you’d like to reach out to her:

https://www.instagram.com/rachel_polans

START 1on1 SUPPORT NOW:

📧 Email me, I want to hear from you: sabrina @ the tfmrdoula . com You can have specific grief support in the heartbreak of TFMR.

📅 If you’ve received a devastating diagnosis and want emotional support through deciding what’s next, book a Decision Support call here: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/decision-support.html

MORE TFMR GRIEF SUPPORT RESOURCES:

For more TFMR support, join us over on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/thetfmrdoula

💜 Join our Facebook group: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/facebookgroup

🎙 Want to share your story on Our TFMR Stories?
Email Sabrina sabrina @ the TFMR doula . com to be featured on the podcast

Music credit:
Pamgaea by Kevin MacLeod
Creative Commons License
Links: https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=usuan1300036
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

In Part 1 of 2 of this real TFMR story from mother Rachel Polans, we talk about the bad diagnosis that eventually led Rachel to end her wanted pregnancy. After struggles with infertility, IUI treatments, and a chemical pregnancy, Rachel finally got to hear this baby's heartbeat at 6 weeks.

But a later ultrasound scan showed bilateral club feet and led to more testing… 7 weeks of waiting for amniocentesis results… and then the phone call on her husband’s birthday that changed everything: KAT6B gene mutation. A condition so rare there are fewer than 150 cases in the world - and Rachel recognized it because she happened to have a patient with this exact gene.

As a pediatric genetic counselor, Rachel sees families going through these worst-case scenarios every single day. Going through it herself was something else entirely. Rachel's medical knowledge was both a blessing and a curse. It helped her know which tests to ask for, but it also meant she knew what could go awfully, awfully wrong.

If you're waiting for test results right now, if you work in healthcare and this is happening to you, if your body is telling you something's wrong even before the doctors say anything - Rachel's story will help you feel less alone. Thank you, Rachel, for sharing your baby’s story with us 💜

Rachel also wants to share her Instagram profile if you’d like to reach out to her:

https://www.instagram.com/rachel_polans

START 1on1 SUPPORT NOW:

📧 Email me, I want to hear from you: sabrina @ the tfmrdoula . com

📅 If you’ve received a devastating diagnosis and want emotional support through deciding what’s next, book a Decision Support call here: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/decision-support.html

MORE TFMR GRIEF SUPPORT RESOURCES:

For more TFMR support, join us over on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/thetfmrdoula

💜 Join our Facebook group: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/facebookgroup

🎙 Want to share your story on Our TFMR Stories?
Email Sabrina sabrina @ the TFMR doula . com to be featured on the podcast

Music credit:
Pamgaea by Kevin MacLeod
Creative Commons License
Links:https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=usuan1300036
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

The numbers around TFMR might surprise you and hopefully comfort you too. In this episode, Sabrina Fletcher (hi there, that's me, the TFMR Doula) shares an unofficial but conservative estimate: TFMR happens in approximately 1 in 55 pregnancies. 😲 Surprised? I was too.

And here's the thing: even that number is likely low when you factor in TFMR for maternal health, TFMR for mental health, and procedures performed at abortion clinics that never get counted as TFMR at all.

Why don't we hear about TFMR more if it's this common? So many factors, including needing to stay silent for fear of backlash, grieving parents having to hide behind terms like "pregnancy loss," the political landscape, incorrect tracking/earmarking, stigma, and more.

If you've ever felt alone in this experience, this episode is here to remind you: TFMR is happening far more than we think. You are NOT alone. You are one of many, and your grief is so very valid.

START 1on1 SUPPORT NOW:

📧 Email me, I want to hear from you: sabrina @ the tfmrdoula . com

📅 Book your Decision Support call: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/decision-support.html

MORE TFMR GRIEF SUPPORT RESOURCES:

For more TFMR support, join us over on Instagram: www.instagram.com/thetfmrdoula

💜 Join our Facebook group: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/facebookgroup

🎙 Want to share your story on Our TFMR Stories?
Email Sabrina sabrina @ the TFMR doula . com to be featured on the podcast

Music credit:
Pamgaea by Kevin MacLeod
Creative Commons License
Links: https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=usuan1300036
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

If you've ever searched for pregnancy loss support and felt invisible when TFMR isn't mentioned, this episode is for you. Sabrina Fletcher (that’s me, The TFMR Doula) gets real about what it means when baby loss spaces claim to be "for all" but never list termination for medical reasons alongside miscarriage and stillbirth. She shares practical suggestions for grief spaces that want to truly welcome TFMR families: from using the term explicitly in descriptions to moderating stigmatizing comments to highlighting our stories (even anonymously).

This isn't about calling any groups or specific people out. It's about calling them in.

Many broad loss spaces genuinely want to learn how to be better allies, especially during Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. If you've been looking for language to help others understand why representation matters, or if you run a space yourself and want to support TFMR families better, this episode gives specific steps forward. Because TFMR *IS* pregnancy loss, and we deserve to be named.

START 1on1 SUPPORT NOW:

📧 Email me, I want to hear from you: sabrina @ the tfmrdoula . com

📅 Book you Decision Support call: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/decision-support.html

MORE TFMR GRIEF SUPPORT RESOURCES:

For more TFMR support, join us over on Instagram: www.instagram.com/thetfmrdoula

💜 Join our Facebook group: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/facebookgroup

🎙 Want to share your story on Our TFMR Stories?
Email Sabrina sabrina @ the TFMR doula . com to be featured on the podcast

Music credit:
Pamgaea by Kevin MacLeod
Creative Commons License
Links: https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=usuan1300036
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

"Do I belong here?" is the question that breaks my heart every time someone asks. If you're wondering whether your TFMR counts, whether your situation is "too different" to fit in our community, whether you'll be welcome here...this episode is for you.

The truth is, the world has already made you question your place in so many spaces. Not here. Here, you belong.

Whether your loss was for your health or your baby's health, whether it was a gray diagnosis or fatal, whether this was your first pregnancy or you have living children, whether you're fresh out or decades past. YOU BELONG. Your story matters. Your baby matters. And we want to hear from you. This is your invitation home.

START 1on1 SUPPORT NOW:

📧 Email me, I want to hear from you: sabrina @ the tfmrdoula . com

📅 Book you Decision Support call: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/decision-support.html

MORE TFMR GRIEF SUPPORT RESOURCES:

http://www.thetfmrdoula.com/everything to see guides, meditations, courses and current group offerings

💜 Join our Facebook group: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/facebookgroup

🎙 Want to share your story on Our TFMR Stories?
Email Sabrina sabrina @ the TFMR doula . com to be featured on the podcast.

Music credit:
Pamgaea by Kevin MacLeod
Creative Commons License
Links: https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=usuan1300036
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

“Will my baby suffer?" This question haunts so many of us through the TFMR baby loss process - whether we're facing the decision right now or wrestling with it months or years later. It's the question that keeps you up at 2am, the one that makes your chest tight, the one nobody else seems to understand why it matters so very deeply.

In this tender solo episode, I share how my daughter Clara came to me in a dream when I asked her this exact question. I talk about how we're STILL parenting our babies through the veil, how ending suffering was an act of protection, and how peace became possible when I was finally seen as the mother I am. If you're asking yourself "will they suffer" or "did they suffer," this episode is for you.

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

• Decision Support Calls with Sabrina: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/decision-support.html

• One-on-one TFMR grief support, email Sabrina: sabrina [at] theTFMRdoula [dot] com to get started

🎙 Want to share your story on the podcast?
Email Sabrina to be featured on the podcast: sabrina [at] theTFMRdoula [dot] com

Music credit:
Pamgaea by Kevin MacLeod
Creative Commons License
Music link: https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=usuan1300036
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/