A lack of self-confidence shows up in small and big ways. Here are 5 not-so-obvious signs that you’re struggling with self-confidence, things that Mary is personally working on as well.

You will learn how to...

• stop trying to fill inner voids with external things
• start trusting yourself more
• get out of a victim mindset

Remember: No shiny new thing is going to give you the confidence, happiness, and positive feelings you’re looking for. You’re the only one who can change your mindset and it has to come from within.

If you enjoyed this episode, screenshot it and tag @maryspodcast on social media!

And make sure to get Mary’s books two on self-love:

• The Gift of Self-Love: https://maryscupoftea.com/gift-of-self-love. This is a self-love workbook that will help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself.
• 100 Days of Self-Love: maryscupoftea.com/journal. This is a guided journal with 100 prompts to help you calm self-criticism and learn to love who you are.

Ever wonder how some people move through life with ease, even when everything feels uncertain? According to Harvard psychologist Dr. Ellen Langer, it’s not about control—it’s about mindfulness. Mindfulness can be a vehicle to confidence, happiness and inner peace.

Dr. Ellen shares with us her refreshingly practical take on mindfulness—not as meditation, but as a way of engaging with the world that leads to more confidence and self-trust. You’ll hear her thoughts on why stress is optional, how to stop overthinking, and how letting go of “right vs. wrong” thinking can open up space for happiness.

You will learn how to...

• move through life more mindfully
• confidently make decisions
• be more comfortable with uncertainty
• break out of black-and-white thinking
• embrace your individuality

Remember: Self-confidence doesn’t come from knowing. Rather, confidence comes from noticing.

Ellen Langer earned her Ph.D. at Yale University in Social and Clinical Psychology and joined the faculty at Harvard in 1977. She is considered the mother of mindfulness and has written five books on the topic starting with her best-seller, Mindfulness, and her newest book, The Mindful Body: Thinking Our Way to Chronic Health. The Langer Lab conducts research on health, happiness, decision- making, education, business and culture all through the lens of mindfulness. Because of this research, among other honors, Professor Langer has earned three Distinguished Scientist Awards, The Staats Award for Unifying Psychology, a Guggenheim Fellowship, and The Liberty Science Genius Award.

If you’re enjoying this self-love podcast, send it to a friend or share a screenshot on social media! Your support helps keep this podcast—and the message of self-love, confidence, and mental health—alive and thriving.

If you are someone who loves building healthy relationships, communication skills, and personal growth, then this episode is for you.

A few years ago in couples therapy, I learned one simple relationship tip that completely changed the way I communicate, especially during conflict. It’s something I come back to again and again, whether I’m arguing with my husband or navigating tension with a family member.

This advice is so powerful because it works outside of romantic partnerships too—whether you're navigating tension with a friend, a family member, or anyone you love and respect.

In this episode, I’m walking you through the exact phrase my therapist said that stopped me in my tracks, helped my husband and I reconnect, and later, helped my sister and I move from feeling misunderstood to finally hearing each other.

But first, a big disclaimer: this tip only works with emotionally intelligent, securely attached people. It’s not for those in abusive dynamics or with people who are committed to misunderstanding you. If that’s something you’ve struggled with, I hope this episode gives you clarity on when to apply healthy communication tools—and when to have the self-worth to step away.

You’ll learn:

• Why being “right” is overrated in relationships
• How to shift from objective truth to subjective experiences
• What emotionally-intelligent conflict resolution actually sounds like
• How to move from defensiveness to connection in under 10 minutes

Whether you're in a long-term relationship or just want to improve how you show up for the people you love, this episode will give you the mindset shift you didn’t know you needed.

Deepen your self-love journey with Mary’s books:

1. *The Gift of Self-Love,* an interactive workbook that will help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself.
2. *100 Days of Self-Love,* a guided journal with 100 prompts to help you calm self-criticism and learn to love who you are.

Follow Mary on IG: @maryscupofteaa and @maryspodcast

If you’re enjoying this self-love podcast, share it with the women in your life to spread the gift of self-love!

Mentioned In This Episode...

Ep. 170: Intentional Wedding Planning and Artful Gathering with Priya Parker

Ep. 257: Me and My Sister Recap Our Trip to France Ep. 258: Confidence Advice for Teen Girls (feat. My Amazing Sister)

Ep. 258: Confidence Advice for Teen Girls (feat. My Amazing Sister)

Podcast Episode with relationship therapist, Terry Real

Ep. 183: The Best Communication Book

Are you ready for a confidence pep talk from my wise little sister?! Though she’s only 17, her perspective on mental health, body-image, and self-love is relatable to teens and adults alike. Whether you’re a big sister, auntie, parent, caretaker, or teen, you’ll walk away with a confidence boost and encouragement for self-love.

We talk about what it’s like growing up today—from social media pressure, identity struggles, family dynamics, and bullying at school. But we also unpack the beautiful parts: the power of a positive mindset and how even the messiest moments can spark personal growth.

You will learn about...

• the challenges teenagers face these days and how adults can show up for them
• why feeling lost is actually a good thing
• our crunchy mom and how that’s impacted me and my sister’s body-image
• how to deal with the grief of an absent or emotionally unavailable parent with self-compassion
• ways to cultivate confidence and a positive mindset as a teen girl
• what it’s like growing up in an immigrant household
• what helps cope with bullying
• how caretakers can support a teens with mental health struggles

Whether you're struggling with your own self-esteem or supporting a teen who is, this episode reminds us that confidence isn’t about being perfect. It’s something all of us must practice. And sometimes, the people we think we’re teaching (like little sisters) end up being our greatest teachers.

Remember: If you’re having a hard time with confidence, self-esteem, or mental health in general, please reach out to someone you trust. Talking about it is the first step to healing—and you never have to do it alone.

And if you enjoyed this episode, screenshot it and tag @maryspodcast on Instagram! Sharing helps the message of self-love reach more women and girls around the world.

For more empowering conversations on self-love, confidence, relationships, body-image, mindset and mental health, please explore past episodes of Mary’s Cup of Tea: the Self-Love Podcast for Women.

In this special episode, I sit down with my little sister to reflect on our unforgettable trip to France. Though my self-esteem was tested, it was a journey that made me and my sister closer than ever. From the cobblestone streets of Paris to the Mediterranean breeze in Nice, we share how travel can shape your confidence, challenge your mindset, and create memories you’ll never forget.

You will hear about…

• the sister fights we had in France (and how we repaired)
• our best and worst moments from the trip, including my “haircut from hell” that totally tested my self-esteem
• what I learned about my perfectionism and personal growth
• my sister’s relationship with art, her supportive art teacher, and how creative expression has shaped her self-esteem and sense of identity
• how it feels to turn 17 and the pressure of feeling like you have to figure out who you’re supposed to be

Though this podcast is usually about self-love, body image, and confidence for women, I hope you enjoy this conversation with my sister. We learned so much about each other, the beauty and complexity of family, and how embracing imperfections can lead to genuine connection. Traveling together magnified our insecurities but also opened our hearts to more empathy and understanding—both for ourselves and for each other.

Remember: you don’t have to have everything perfectly planned out to be worthy of love, adventure, and self-compassion, and connection. Growth happens in the messy, unpolished moments, not just the picture-perfect ones. Your self-esteem might waver, and your confidence might crack, but you are enough exactly as you are.

Mentioned In This Episode...

Google map with all of our France recommendations

Let’s dive into some unconscious ways us women tend to sabotage our self-love—especially in times of collective stress, societal pressure, and emotional overwhelm. In a world that constantly demands more from women—more productivity, more perfection, more performance—it’s no wonder we struggle to stay connected to our own self-worth.

If you’ve ever felt reactive, rushed, or stuck in regret, this conversation will give you the mindset shifts and grounding reminders you need to return to yourself.

You will learn how to...

• Stay rooted in self-worth when the world feels like it’s on fire
• Recognize the difference between reacting and responding
• Free yourself from the cycles of rushing and regretting

This self-love podcast episode is meant to help you reflect rather than react, slow down instead of rushing, and trust yourself instead of spiraling in regret.

We often think of self-love as something fluffy or indulgent, but the truth is: it’s crucial. It’s the foundation for how we show up in the world, how we treat others, and how we protect our peace. As you’ll hear in this episode, the more you cultivate self-love, the less reactive you become. The more grounded you are, the less likely you are to betray yourself in moments of stress or uncertainty.

Remember: self-love isn’t a luxury—it’s the foundation of personal and collective healing.

If you enjoyed this self-love podcast, share it with your friends to spread the gift of self-love!

Deepen your self-love journey with Mary’s books:

1. *The Gift of Self-Love,* an interactive workbook that will help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself.
2. *100 Days of Self-Love,* a guided journal with 100 prompts to help you calm self-criticism and learn to love who you are.

Follow Mary on IG: @maryscupofteaa and @maryspodcast

Mentioned In This Episode…

• Joy Sullivan’s newsletter “Women at the Protest”
• Meditations for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman
• Ep. 250 on Mary’s Cup of Tea: Productivity Advice Meets Self-Compassion with Oliver Burkeman

Ruthie Lindsey joins us for a powerful and tender conversation about healing, self-compassion, and what it truly means to love yourself. As a speaker and author, Ruthie shares her journey of navigating chronic pain, deep grief, and religious trauma. Her story reminds us that even in the most painful chapters of life, there is beauty to be found—and that healing is possible when we learn to come home to ourselves.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• How Ruthie “came back to life” after both physical and emotional trauma
• The ongoing journey of processing grief, including the loss of her father and how it shaped her healing
• The challenges of living with chronic pain while still choosing to love your body
• What “embodied healing” means and feels like
• Embodiment practices that help you process and release trauma
• How religious trauma shapes our relationship with ourselves and how to rediscover spirituality on your own terms
• What it looks like to reparent yourself and love yourself through the process

This episode is especially meaningful for women who are on a healing journey whether it’s navigating grief, mental health, faith shifts, body image struggles, or simply trying to feel more comfortable in your body. Ruthie offers a compassionate reminder that you don’t need to be “fixed” to be worthy. You just need to show up with presence, honesty, and a willingness to love yourself as you are. You are enough.

Follow Ruthie on Instagram: @ruthielindsey Check out her upcoming workshops and retreats.

If this episode resonates with you, screenshot and share it on social media! Tag @maryspodcast and @ruthielindsey so we can thank you for spreading the love.

Mentioned in this episode:

Watch the toddler video we talked about

What if a little bit of delusion might be exactly what you need to boost your confidence? As the kids these days say: “being delulu is the solulu!”

Mary shares 4 mindset shifts– that some might consider “delusional”– but will do wonders for your confidence.

You will learn how to...
- lie to yourself in an empowering way lol
- stop comparing yourself to others with one very simple mindset shift
- break free from external validation and derive your confidence from within
- balance self-trust with consistent, confident action-taking
- release perfectionism and believe in yourself

Especially for women, embracing a positive mindset is often the first rebellion against a world that profits off of our self-doubt. This isn’t about toxic positivity or lying to yourself in a way that’s avoidant. It’s about consciously choosing beliefs rooted in self-love that remind you that you are enough. Reclaim your self-esteem by choosing self-talk that inspires action and fuels your dreams, regardless of personal insecurities or cultural expectations.

Remember: Confidence doesn’t always have to be logical. It just has to set you free. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with your friends to spread the gift of self-love! We love women empowering women!

Deepen your self-love journey with Mary’s books:
1. The Gift of Self-Love, an interactive workbook that will help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself.
2. 100 Days of Self-Love, a guided journal with 100 prompts to help you calm self-criticism and learn to love who you are.

Follow Mary on IG: @maryscupofteaa and @maryspodcast

Mentioned In This Episode...
Ep. 212 How To Be Honest with Yourself
How Often Do People Lie? University of Wisconsin article
Ep. 246: The Breakup That Paved My Self-Love Journey
@alok on Instagram
Ep. 250: Productivity Advice Meets Self-Compassion with Oliver Burkeman
Useful Not True by Derek Sivers