欢迎参加2026年的家庭系统排列工作坊：
📩 报名链接：https://hipsy.nl/meeei

在这一集播客中，我想邀请你一起，走近一个很多父母都在经历、却很少被真正理解的主题：
当爱变成控制，为什么那么多妈妈会忍不住“微管理”孩子？

在多年陪伴家庭、尤其是青春期孩子家庭的过程中，我一次又一次地看到：
很多控制，并不是因为父母想要控制，而是因为内心深处的害怕与不安。

在这一集中，我将与你分享：

• 什么是父母“微管理”，以及它背后真正的心理动因
• 为什么指责父母，往往无法带来真正的改变
• 一个重要的转变视角：从评判父母，到理解他们的经历
• 我作为母亲的真实经历：当爱不自觉地变成控制
• 为什么真正的改变，始于父母对自己的接纳与慈悲
• 当母亲开始松开恐惧，孩子如何重新找到力量与方向

这一集，不是教你“怎么做更好的父母”，
而是邀请你，带着更多温柔，回到自己。

因为孩子真正需要的，从来不是完美的父母，
而是更松弛、更自由、更真实的爱。

Chapters

00:00 父母微管理的心理根源

05:06 控制与恐惧的关系

09:55 爱的力量与自我接纳

14:47 改变的开始与父母的责任

In this episode, I invite you to slow down and gently explore a question many parents live with, yet rarely feel truly understood in:
When love turns into control — why do so many mothers end up micromanaging their children?

Through years of working with families, especially those with teenagers, I’ve seen again and again that control is often not about power — but about fear.

In this episode, I share:

• What parental micromanagement really is and where it comes from
• Why blaming parents rarely leads to real change
• A shift in perspective: from judging parents to understanding their stories
• My own experience as a mother whose love once turned into control
• Why true change begins with self-acceptance and compassion
• How children regain strength when parents soften their grip

This episode is not about becoming a “better” parent.
It’s an invitation to return to yourself with more gentleness.

Because what children need most is not perfection,
but a freer, more relaxed, and more loving presence.

欢迎参加2026年的家庭系统排列工作坊：
📩 报名链接：https://hipsy.nl/meeei

在这一集播客中，我邀请你一起放慢脚步，回到一个许多父母都会反复思考、却很少真正停下来感受的问题：
作为父母，我们究竟能给孩子最珍贵的礼物是什么？

在多年陪伴家庭、尤其是青春期孩子家庭的过程中，我一次又一次地看到：
真正让关系发生改变的，往往并不是更多的方法、技巧或控制，而是父母是否愿意回到自己，回到内在，回到关系本身。

在这一集中，我将与你分享：

• 为什么很多家庭在青春期阶段，会陷入冲突、对抗与疏离
• 一个重要的视角转变：当父母停止“改变孩子”，真正的改变才开始发生
• “面纱”的隐喻：我们如何常常透过自己未被疗愈的经历在看孩子
• 父母自我疗愈，如何自然地改变看待孩子的方式
• 一个关于夫妻关系的核心发现：夫妻之间的连接，是孩子最重要的“隐形教材”
• 一个非常温和、却极具力量的练习：祝福
  • 祝福与期待的关键区别
  • 为什么真正的祝福是“给力的”，而期待往往是“施压的”
  • 如何从内在开始，祝福伴侣，而不要求对方改变

这一集不仅是关于亲子关系的播客，也是一集关于父母如何活出真实、完整人生的分享。

In this episode, I invite you to slow down and gently explore a question many parents carry in their hearts, yet rarely have the space to truly feel:
What is the most precious gift parents can give their children?

Through years of working with families, especially those navigating adolescence, I have seen again and again that lasting change rarely comes from more techniques, control, or “doing better.”
Instead, transformation begins when parents are willing to return to themselves and to the quality of their relationships.

In this episode, I share:

• Why so many families experience conflict, distance, and power struggles during adolescence
• A crucial shift in perspective: when parents stop trying to change their child, change often begins
• The metaphor of the “veil”: how our own unresolved experiences shape how we see our children
• How self-healing in parents naturally transforms the parent-child relationship
• A key insight about intimate relationships: the connection between parents is the most powerful, yet often invisible, lesson for children
• A gentle but deeply impactful practice: blessing
  • The difference between blessing and expectation
  • Why true blessings are empowering, while expectations often create pressure
  • How parents can bless their partner from within, without needing the other to change

This episode is not only about parenting, but about how parents live their own lives.

欢迎参加2026年的家庭系统排列工作坊：
📩 学员反馈和报名链接：https://hipsy.nl/meeei

这一集，我带你走进 Mark Wolynn 的《It Didn’t Start With You | 这不是从你开始的》这本书中。我们会一起理解：为什么有些痛、一些恐惧、一些反复出现的模式，怎么努力都摆脱不了。答案也许并不在“你不够好”，而是在你所承载的家庭记忆里。

它可能不是从你开始的，但是，疗愈可以从你开始。

你会听到什么
1.作者的真实故事：当“答案不在外面，而在回家与父母和解”
2.用表观遗传学（epigenetics）做一个容易懂的切入：创伤不仅在心理，也可能在身体里留下痕迹，并影响下一代
3.核心语言地图 Core Language Map 的四个入口：
•核心抱怨：你最常反复抱怨什么
•核心形容词：想到父母时浮现的三个词
•核心句子：你内心深处那句挥之不去的话
•核心创伤：失去、分离、贫穷、暴力、被排除、羞耻等
4.我自己的第一次家排经历
5.两个真实来访案例：
6.我参加的一场男性居多的家排工作坊：看见强者背后的脆弱与眼泪，也让我对身边的男性产生更深的理解与温柔

线下工作坊邀请（荷兰 Soest）
为第一代与第二代华人设计的系统工作坊，连接中国的根，找到飞翔的翅膀。

•2 月 14 日 14:00–17:00 中文
•4 月 11 日 10:00–16:30 荷兰语
•5 月 9 日 14:00–17:00 中文
•6 月 20 日 10:00–16:30 英文 LIP 生命整合历程

In this episode, I invite you to step into Mark Wolynn’s book It Didn’t Start With You. Together, we explore why certain pains, fears, and recurring patterns can feel impossible to shake, no matter how hard we try. The answer may not be that “you’re not good enough,” but that you are carrying family memories that live on through generations.

And please remember this: it may not have started with you, but healing can start with you.

What you’ll hear in this episode
1.The author’s real-life story: when “the answer isn’t out there, but in going home and making peace with your parents.”
2.A simple, accessible introduction to epigenetics: how trauma may leave traces not only in the mind, but also in the body, and can influence the next generation.
3.The four entry points of the Core Language Map:
oCore Complaint: what you find yourself repeatedly complaining about
oCore Descriptors: three words that arise when you think of your parents
oCore Sentence: the one sentence that keeps echoing in your inner world
oCore Trauma: themes such as loss, separation, poverty, violence, exclusion, shame, and more
4.My own first experience with family constellations
5.Two real client stories
6.A family constellations workshop I attended with mostly male participants: witnessing the vulnerability and tears behind “strength,” and how it helped me hold the men around me with deeper understanding and tenderness

In-person workshop invitation (Soest, the Netherlands)
Systemic workshops designed especially for first- and second-generation Chinese people — reconnect with your Chinese roots and find your wings.
Registration and details: https://hipsy.nl/meeei
•14 Feb 14:00–17:00 | Facilitated in Chinese
•11 Apr 10:00–16:30 | Facilitated in Dutch
•9 May 14:00–17:00 | Facilitated in Chinese
•20 Jun 10:00–16:30 | English LIP Life Integration Process Workshop

欢迎参加2026年的家庭系统排列工作坊：
📩 报名链接：https://hipsy.nl/meeei

在这期播客中，我在中断了八个星期之后，第一次重新坐下来，和你分享我生命中一段极其真实、脆弱，却也充满爱与领悟的旅程。

一场意外的受伤、一台并不顺利的手术，让我经历了持续的疼痛、无力与失控，也让我不得不完全依赖他人生活。而正是在这样的低谷里，我重新看见了什么才是真正重要的：被滋养过的关系、在脆弱中依然愿意留下来的人、以及此刻本身的生命。

在这一集中，我与你分享三个深刻的领悟：

🌿 领悟一：停止等待，生命从此刻开始
当我们不再把希望全部投向“明天会更好”，而是学习回到当下，与此刻共处，痛苦不一定消失，但它不再遮蔽整个生命。

🌿 领悟二：每一个挑战，都是一封成长的邀请函
身体的康复，也是心理、情绪与精神的修复。人生中的每一次低谷，都在邀请我们学习新的能力，这些能力会陪伴我们一生。

🌿 领悟三：爱，在脆弱中最显深刻
在完全依赖中，我深刻体会到亲密关系真正的力量：不是浪漫，而是在你最无力的时候，依然像战友一样并肩作战。这是一段需要被持续滋养的生命中极其珍贵的关系。

如果你正经历身体的、关系的，或内心的挑战，希望这一集能带给你陪伴、理解与一点点光。

In this episode, after an eight-week pause, I sit down again to share a deeply real and vulnerable chapter of my life—one that is also filled with love, insight, and quiet transformation.

An unexpected injury and a surgery that did not go smoothly brought weeks of ongoing pain, weakness, and a loss of control. I had to rely entirely on others for daily life. And it was precisely in this low point that I began to see more clearly what truly matters: relationships that have been lovingly nurtured, people who are willing to stay when we are most vulnerable, and life as it unfolds in this very moment.

In this episode, I share three core insights from this journey:

🌿 Insight One: Stop Waiting — Life Begins Now
When we stop placing all our hope in “tomorrow will be better” and learn to return to the present moment, pain may not disappear—but it no longer overshadows our entire life.

🌿 Insight Two: Every Challenge Is an Invitation to Grow
Physical recovery is also emotional, psychological, and spiritual healing. Every low point in life invites us to develop new capacities—skills that can support us for a lifetime.

🌿 Insight Three: Love Reveals Itself Most Clearly in Vulnerability
Through complete dependence, I experienced the true strength of intimate relationships—not romance, but the willingness to stand side by side like lifelong allies when one of us is at our weakest. This is a relationship that deserves conscious care and ongoing nourishment.

If you are navigating challenges of the body, relationships, or your inner world, I hope this episode offers you companionship, understanding, and a gentle light along the way.

欢迎参加2026年的家庭系统排列工作坊：
📩 报名链接：https://hipsy.nl/meeei

在这一集中，我迎来了一个值得庆祝的时刻：
我的第55集播客。

55，不只是一个数字。
它代表的是——
55 次敞开心扉的勇气，
55 次与生命对话的深刻时刻，
55 步朝向梦想中的自己迈出的脚步。

在这一路的创作中，我收获了四个最珍贵的领悟：

1. 找到你的“为什么”——那盏永不熄灭的内心之灯

播客没有即时回报，完全靠内心的召唤。
我的“为什么”来自走过家庭黑夜、走向光明后的愿望：
愿我的声音，能陪伴哪怕一个正在经历黑暗的人。

2. 享受过程——找到滋养你的创作方式

从“不写稿直接录”到重新拥抱写作，我发现：
愉悦感，是坚持的秘密。
写作不仅帮助我表达，也成为未来书稿和社交媒体的宝贵素材。

3. 记录，而不是创造（Document, don’t create）

我从 Gary Vaynerchuk 那里学到：
生活本身，就是最好的素材。
每周的“活出梦想中的自己”反思播客，
让我和听众一起透过日常的起伏，看见生命的意义。

4. 播客，是最强大的学习方式之一

要分享得清晰，我必须先理解得深入。
写脚本、查资料、举例子…
这个过程让我的成长扎扎实实地扎根。

🎧 这一集，送给你、也送给你心里那个小小的声音：
“我也想讲我的故事…”

你不需要完全准备好。
你不需要完美。
你只需要迈出第一小步。

因为你的声音，一定会触动某一个正在等待你的人。

愿你，
用属于你的方式发光。
愿你的故事，在世界某个角落生根发芽。
愿我们，一起活出梦想中的自己。

In this episode, I celebrate a meaningful milestone:
Episode 55.

55 is not just a number.
It represents—
55 moments of opening my heart,
55 honest reflections,
55 steps toward becoming the dream version of myself.

Along this journey, I learned four precious lessons that changed me:

1. Find Your WHY — the inner flame that keeps burning

Podcasting takes time and brings no instant rewards.
My WHY comes from walking through darkness with my family
and discovering that sharing my voice may bring light to someone going through their own long night.

2. Enjoy the process — in your own unique way

I returned to writing because it nourishes me deeply.
Many podcast notes became book chapters or social posts.
Joy is what sustains long-term creation.

3. Document, don’t create

A teaching from Gary Vaynerchuk that transformed my approach.
Life itself carries all the stories we need —
our struggles, breakthroughs, human moments.
Since May, my weekly reflection episodes have become
a meaningful ritual of grounding, connection, and inner clarity.

4. Podcasting is one of the most powerful ways to learn

To teach clearly, I must understand deeply.
Scripting, researching, and connecting concepts to life
has become one of my greatest sources of growth.

🎧 This episode is a gentle invitation to anyone who dreams of sharing their voice:
You don’t need to be perfect.
You don’t need the full plan.
You only need the courage to begin.

Because somewhere out there,
someone is waiting for your story —
a story only you can tell.

May you shine in your own way.
May your stories take root in the world.
May we continue walking this journey together —
living as the dream versions of ourselves.

欢迎参加2026年的家庭系统排列工作坊：
📩 报名链接：https://hipsy.nl/meeei

在这期播客中，我分享了上周五和周日带领的两场非常特别的工作坊：
一场是为第一代华人老移民的沟通工作坊，
另一场是为在荷兰出生长大的二代华人的家排（家族系统排列）工作坊。

这两群人，两个时代，两种沉默中的情绪，却被同一个主题连接着：
童年时期情感的缺席。

第一代移民以辛劳与牺牲，为孩子打下物质基础，
却在语言障碍与生存压力下，失去了陪伴孩子的机会。
第二代看似成功、优秀，却常常在内心深处感到孤独、焦虑与不安全感。

这一集，我分享：
• 代际创伤是如何在沉默中被悄悄传递的
• 为什么物质无法填补情感缺席的空洞
• 如何让“理解与陪伴”成为疗愈的第一步
• 父母和子女可以从哪里开始重新连结
• 为什么疗愈自己，就是在疗愈上一代和下一代

如果你愿意，也邀请你停下来问问自己：
你是否也在无意识地承载着上一代的痛？
你是否愿意成为那个打破循环、让爱重新流动的人？

欢迎收听本期节目，让我们一起探索——
如何不把沉默中的创伤继续传给下一代。

📅播出频率：

每周两集播客：周一、周四

如果你喜欢这集内容

请在 Spotify / Apple Podcasts / 小宇宙 / Himalaya 订阅、点赞或留言，
你的每一次支持都在帮助更多人听见内在的声音💛

In this episode, I share reflections from two workshops I facilitated last week:
one with first-generation Chinese immigrants who came to the Netherlands in the 1970s–1990s,
and another with second-generation Chinese youth who grew up here and do not speak Chinese.

Two groups. Two generations.
Yet both touched the same core wound:
emotional absence in childhood.

The first generation built their families through hard work and survival,
often losing the chance to emotionally accompany their children.
The second generation grew up independent and “successful,”
yet many carry deep feelings of loneliness, insecurity, and not belonging.

In this episode, I explore:
• How intergenerational trauma is quietly transmitted through silence
• Why material support cannot replace emotional presence
• How genuine listening and compassion can reopen connection
• How parents and children can begin to talk again
• Why healing ourselves heals both the generations before and after us

I invite you to reflect:
Are you carrying emotional pain that did not start with you?
And are you ready to stop the cycle so your children don’t inherit it?

Tune in to this episode as we explore how to gently interrupt the unconscious transmission of family pain
and allow love to flow again.

📅 New episodes every week: Monday and Thursdays

If you enjoyed this episode, please:
❤️ Please like, rate, or leave a comment on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube.
Your support helps more people discover this path of healing.

在这期播客中，我分享了自己十二年前和两年前许下的两个心愿：
从四十到五十每年回家一次，全心全意地陪伴父母；
在五十到六十岁的十年间，每年至少回去两次。

我讲述了我过去这12年陪伴父母的收获也深刻的连接。 以及父母回到乡村后简单而丰盛的生活和他们的人生态度如何深深影响着我。
这期播客，是一封写给远方父母的信，也是一封写给所有身在异乡的我们自己的信。

愿我们都能活出梦想中的自己。 既有飞翔的翅膀，也有温暖的根。

📅播出频率：

每周两集播客：周一、周四

如果你喜欢这集内容

请在 Spotify / Apple Podcasts / 小宇宙 / Himalaya 订阅、点赞或留言，
你的每一次支持都在帮助更多人听见内在的声音💛

In this episode, I share the two vows I made twelve and two years ago:
from age forty to fifty, to return home once every year and be fully present with my parents;
and from fifty to sixty, to visit them at least twice a year.

I talk about the deep connection and precious experiences I’ve gained over the past twelve years of accompanying my parents,
their simple yet abundant life after returning to the countryside,
and how their way of living continues to profoundly shape me.

This episode is a letter to my parents far away,
and also to all of us living abroad, longing for home.

May we all live as the dream versions of ourselves —
with wings to fly, and roots that keep us warm.

📅 New episodes every week: Mondays and Thursdays

If you enjoyed this episode, please:
❤️ Please like, rate, or leave a comment on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube.
Your support helps more people discover this path of healing.

在这一集中，我分享：
🌿 我在 IFS 练习中的体悟和洞见
🌿 “生命的马车”如何映照我们内在的多重部分
🌿 三种不同的生命状态：盲目奔跑、疲惫赛跑、有意识的同行
🌿 如何在忙碌与疲惫中重新连接内在的“马”，找回平静与力量

💭 我想邀请你一起思考：

1. 此刻，是你在驾驭你的马车，还是某匹“马”在拉着你？
2. 哪一匹马此刻最需要你的倾听？是那匹批判的马、拼命奔跑的马，还是那匹渴望休息的小马？
3. 当你轻轻地停下来，对它说：“谢谢你，我看见你了”，会发生什么？

🌱 我渐渐明白：
生命的旅程，不是去控制所有的“马”，
而是学会倾听、理解、与它们同行。

愿你在这一周，
带着觉知与温柔，重新握住你生命的缰绳，
让每一匹马都能在爱与理解中, 与你一起朝向灵魂真正想去的方向，轻盈地前行。

📅播出频率：

每周两集播客：周一、周四

如果你喜欢这集内容

请在 Spotify / Apple Podcasts / 小宇宙 / Himalaya 订阅、点赞或留言，
你的每一次支持都在帮助更多人听见内在的声音💛

In this episode, I share:
🌿 My insights and realizations from IFS practice
🌿 How the Life Carriage reveals our inner dynamics
🌿 Three ways we live — blindly running, constantly racing, or moving consciously
🌿 How we can reconnect with our inner horses and bring harmony back to our journey

💭 Reflection questions for you:

1. Who’s driving your life carriage right now — you, or one of your horses?
2. What does that horse need from you — rest, compassion, or gratitude?
3. What happens when you slow down, breathe, and gently say:
   “Thank you. I see you.”

🌱 What I’ve learned is this:
Life isn’t about controlling all our horses,
but about walking alongside them with awareness and love.

May this episode remind you to slow down, reconnect,
and guide your life with gentleness and clarity —
so every part of you can run in harmony,
toward the direction your soul truly longs to go.

📅 New episodes every week: Monday and Thursdays

If you enjoyed this episode, please:
❤️ Please like, rate, or leave a comment on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube.
Your support helps more people discover this path of healing.