欢迎参加2026年的家庭系统排列工作坊：
📩 报名链接：https://hipsy.nl/meeei

在这一集播客中，我想邀请你一起，走近一个很多父母都在经历、却很少被真正理解的主题：
当爱变成控制，为什么那么多妈妈会忍不住“微管理”孩子？

在多年陪伴家庭、尤其是青春期孩子家庭的过程中，我一次又一次地看到：
很多控制，并不是因为父母想要控制，而是因为内心深处的害怕与不安。

在这一集中，我将与你分享：

• 什么是父母“微管理”，以及它背后真正的心理动因
• 为什么指责父母，往往无法带来真正的改变
• 一个重要的转变视角：从评判父母，到理解他们的经历
• 我作为母亲的真实经历：当爱不自觉地变成控制
• 为什么真正的改变，始于父母对自己的接纳与慈悲
• 当母亲开始松开恐惧，孩子如何重新找到力量与方向

这一集，不是教你“怎么做更好的父母”，
而是邀请你，带着更多温柔，回到自己。

因为孩子真正需要的，从来不是完美的父母，
而是更松弛、更自由、更真实的爱。

Chapters

00:00 父母微管理的心理根源

05:06 控制与恐惧的关系

09:55 爱的力量与自我接纳

14:47 改变的开始与父母的责任

In this episode, I invite you to slow down and gently explore a question many parents live with, yet rarely feel truly understood in:
When love turns into control — why do so many mothers end up micromanaging their children?

Through years of working with families, especially those with teenagers, I’ve seen again and again that control is often not about power — but about fear.

In this episode, I share:

• What parental micromanagement really is and where it comes from
• Why blaming parents rarely leads to real change
• A shift in perspective: from judging parents to understanding their stories
• My own experience as a mother whose love once turned into control
• Why true change begins with self-acceptance and compassion
• How children regain strength when parents soften their grip

This episode is not about becoming a “better” parent.
It’s an invitation to return to yourself with more gentleness.

Because what children need most is not perfection,
but a freer, more relaxed, and more loving presence.

欢迎参加2026年的家庭系统排列工作坊：
📩 报名链接：https://hipsy.nl/meeei

在这一集播客中，我邀请你一起放慢脚步，回到一个许多父母都会反复思考、却很少真正停下来感受的问题：
作为父母，我们究竟能给孩子最珍贵的礼物是什么？

在多年陪伴家庭、尤其是青春期孩子家庭的过程中，我一次又一次地看到：
真正让关系发生改变的，往往并不是更多的方法、技巧或控制，而是父母是否愿意回到自己，回到内在，回到关系本身。

在这一集中，我将与你分享：

• 为什么很多家庭在青春期阶段，会陷入冲突、对抗与疏离
• 一个重要的视角转变：当父母停止“改变孩子”，真正的改变才开始发生
• “面纱”的隐喻：我们如何常常透过自己未被疗愈的经历在看孩子
• 父母自我疗愈，如何自然地改变看待孩子的方式
• 一个关于夫妻关系的核心发现：夫妻之间的连接，是孩子最重要的“隐形教材”
• 一个非常温和、却极具力量的练习：祝福
  • 祝福与期待的关键区别
  • 为什么真正的祝福是“给力的”，而期待往往是“施压的”
  • 如何从内在开始，祝福伴侣，而不要求对方改变

这一集不仅是关于亲子关系的播客，也是一集关于父母如何活出真实、完整人生的分享。

In this episode, I invite you to slow down and gently explore a question many parents carry in their hearts, yet rarely have the space to truly feel:
What is the most precious gift parents can give their children?

Through years of working with families, especially those navigating adolescence, I have seen again and again that lasting change rarely comes from more techniques, control, or “doing better.”
Instead, transformation begins when parents are willing to return to themselves and to the quality of their relationships.

In this episode, I share:

• Why so many families experience conflict, distance, and power struggles during adolescence
• A crucial shift in perspective: when parents stop trying to change their child, change often begins
• The metaphor of the “veil”: how our own unresolved experiences shape how we see our children
• How self-healing in parents naturally transforms the parent-child relationship
• A key insight about intimate relationships: the connection between parents is the most powerful, yet often invisible, lesson for children
• A gentle but deeply impactful practice: blessing
  • The difference between blessing and expectation
  • Why true blessings are empowering, while expectations often create pressure
  • How parents can bless their partner from within, without needing the other to change

This episode is not only about parenting, but about how parents live their own lives.

欢迎参加2026年的家庭系统排列工作坊：
📩 学员反馈和报名链接：https://hipsy.nl/meeei

这一集，我带你走进 Mark Wolynn 的《It Didn’t Start With You | 这不是从你开始的》这本书中。我们会一起理解：为什么有些痛、一些恐惧、一些反复出现的模式，怎么努力都摆脱不了。答案也许并不在“你不够好”，而是在你所承载的家庭记忆里。

它可能不是从你开始的，但是，疗愈可以从你开始。

你会听到什么
1.作者的真实故事：当“答案不在外面，而在回家与父母和解”
2.用表观遗传学（epigenetics）做一个容易懂的切入：创伤不仅在心理，也可能在身体里留下痕迹，并影响下一代
3.核心语言地图 Core Language Map 的四个入口：
•核心抱怨：你最常反复抱怨什么
•核心形容词：想到父母时浮现的三个词
•核心句子：你内心深处那句挥之不去的话
•核心创伤：失去、分离、贫穷、暴力、被排除、羞耻等
4.我自己的第一次家排经历
5.两个真实来访案例：
6.我参加的一场男性居多的家排工作坊：看见强者背后的脆弱与眼泪，也让我对身边的男性产生更深的理解与温柔

线下工作坊邀请（荷兰 Soest）
为第一代与第二代华人设计的系统工作坊，连接中国的根，找到飞翔的翅膀。

•2 月 14 日 14:00–17:00 中文
•4 月 11 日 10:00–16:30 荷兰语
•5 月 9 日 14:00–17:00 中文
•6 月 20 日 10:00–16:30 英文 LIP 生命整合历程

In this episode, I invite you to step into Mark Wolynn’s book It Didn’t Start With You. Together, we explore why certain pains, fears, and recurring patterns can feel impossible to shake, no matter how hard we try. The answer may not be that “you’re not good enough,” but that you are carrying family memories that live on through generations.

And please remember this: it may not have started with you, but healing can start with you.

What you’ll hear in this episode
1.The author’s real-life story: when “the answer isn’t out there, but in going home and making peace with your parents.”
2.A simple, accessible introduction to epigenetics: how trauma may leave traces not only in the mind, but also in the body, and can influence the next generation.
3.The four entry points of the Core Language Map:
oCore Complaint: what you find yourself repeatedly complaining about
oCore Descriptors: three words that arise when you think of your parents
oCore Sentence: the one sentence that keeps echoing in your inner world
oCore Trauma: themes such as loss, separation, poverty, violence, exclusion, shame, and more
4.My own first experience with family constellations
5.Two real client stories
6.A family constellations workshop I attended with mostly male participants: witnessing the vulnerability and tears behind “strength,” and how it helped me hold the men around me with deeper understanding and tenderness

In-person workshop invitation (Soest, the Netherlands)
Systemic workshops designed especially for first- and second-generation Chinese people — reconnect with your Chinese roots and find your wings.
Registration and details: https://hipsy.nl/meeei
•14 Feb 14:00–17:00 | Facilitated in Chinese
•11 Apr 10:00–16:30 | Facilitated in Dutch
•9 May 14:00–17:00 | Facilitated in Chinese
•20 Jun 10:00–16:30 | English LIP Life Integration Process Workshop