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Parenting a child with severe autism often means facing challenges that remain hidden from the outside world. In this deeply personal episode, I take listeners into the harrowing reality of what happened when my nonverbal teenage son began directing aggressive behaviors specifically toward me.

The painful irony of being verbally abused by someone who professionals deemed "nonverbal" created a surreal existence where I developed physical pain responses to his targeting. My body would react with sharp pains in my side the moment I heard his aggressive vocalizations approaching—a visceral reminder of how deeply these interactions affected me. What made this situation uniquely isolating was his remarkable ability to transform into a sweet, compliant child whenever someone who could validate my experience was present.

I share the heartbreaking moment when I found myself telling my husband "he's lying" after our son denied his behavior—a childish outburst that revealed my desperation to be believed. When my father-in-law finally offered help during a particularly brutal episode, I accepted without fully considering what form that help would take. The resulting verbal tirade he unleashed on our son temporarily changed his behavior but left me questioning everything about appropriate boundaries.

Through mysterious new behaviors like stuffing deodorant down drains, flooding bathrooms, and eventually self-harm, we discovered a shocking truth—our son hadn't been sleeping for months. Family members living in our home had witnessed his nighttime activities but never thought to mention this crucial information as we searched desperately for answers.

For parents facing similar hidden battles, this episode offers no easy solutions but something perhaps more valuable—the knowledge that you aren't alone in these complex, rarely-discussed aspects of raising a child with severe autism. Your experiences are valid, even when others can't see or understand them.

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