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It’s Not You - It’s Your Codependency

Years ago, I was trapped in a cycle of disappointments and betrayals, constantly searching outside myself to fill the voids left by my upbringing. It was a painful realization: relying on others to heal childhood wounds never truly worked. Growing up in a codependent family system, I often felt alone, even when surrounded by people. These dynamics stifled my personal growth, kept me emotionally dependent on others—especially that negative parent—and pulled me deeper into toxic relationships. Does this sound familiar?

We should have been taught independence, autonomy, and self-reliance. We should have been prepared to enter the world with confidence and competence—but we weren’t. If you’ve ever wondered why, consider this: Do you know how powerful it is for a parent to have a child who needs them for validation? That’s addictive. More powerful than any drug. And it makes you easy to exploit and manipulate.

Every disappointment, every betrayal, every hurt—it’s all just another lesson. When you don’t believe you can function on your own, you seek out relationships to compensate for that incompetence. You look for someone to take care of you, to fill the void when things get too hard, to handle the issues you don’t want to face. And then, when they leave, you’re right back where you started. The cycle repeats.

It’s time to start rooting for yourself and fighting for yourself. Stop wasting your energy on people who will never complete you. The painful truth is that no one else can fill the voids left from childhood. But once you accept that, you can begin breaking free from toxic patterns. You can reclaim your life, stand confidently on your own, and experience the empowerment that comes from truly knowing yourself.

The goal isn’t to need people—it’s to want them. And when you finally prove to yourself that you don’t need anyone else to survive in this world, that’s when you’ll be truly ready for genuine, healthy relationships.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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It’s Not You – It’s Your Reluctance to Change

Gaslighting isn't just a word—it's a way of life for some people. They thrive in toxic relationships where happiness hinges on external validation. They lack self-respect, self-discipline, and self-love. They don't love at all—they take hostages. But here’s the truth: the prison door is open. You can walk out anytime you want. The only thing holding you back is fear. It’s time to take responsibility and rediscover your self-respect.

Gaslighting often stems from the perpetrator's own unresolved issues, but the power to lessen its effects lies within you. Changing your reactions can disrupt harmful patterns and create space for growth—not only for yourself but for those around you.

Waiting for others to change is a losing game. Instead, focus on your own personal growth and self-acceptance. These are the tools you need to navigate and neutralize toxic dynamics effectively. When you emerge on the other side, gaslighting will lose its grip on you—because you simply won’t care anymore.

If you want a better life, start by getting to know yourself—the good, the bad, and the ugly. The deeper your self-awareness, the freer you become.

They are stuck in time, and so are you. But gaslighting is no longer anyone else’s responsibility except yours. Reclaim your self-worth, break free from the cycle, and step into a life defined by authenticity and inner peace.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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It’s Not You—It’s Our Childhood Experiences

Growing up, many of us felt the sting of neglect and carried the silent burden of our caregivers' unmet needs. This often molded us into perfectionists, constructing facades to ensure those around us were happy so we wouldn't face isolation or emotional banishment. As children, we learned that our sense of worth was tied to their approval, never understanding how to feel okay with ourselves if they weren't okay with us. As adults, we unknowingly replay these patterns in our relationships, prioritizing the love and validation of others over self-love. This realization is the true lightbulb moment.

Understanding how these childhood experiences shape our adult relationships can reveal why we sometimes drift toward isolation. Embracing the courage to let others in and reveal the parts of ourselves we've been taught to hide is daunting, yet liberating. The journey to vulnerability may feel terrifying, but it’s where we begin to heal and discover the power of self-belonging and self-care, mending our internal voids and building resilience against loss and rejection.

This journey isn’t just about personal growth; it’s about connecting with a community that values the risks of being seen authentically. Can fear and vulnerability actually strengthen your relationships? The answer is a resounding yes.

Self-hate and shame keep us trapped, sabotaging our relationships and keeping us from genuine connection. Most of us hesitate to let others in, afraid they’ll see beyond our polished exterior. But that mask only perpetuates our isolation. It’s time to let go of the façade and find the courage to gradually remove it, allowing ourselves to be truly seen.