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In this week’s tour of the world’s Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons:

1. Don and Vlad anchor down in Anchorage - and a Peace Prize, BJ and TACO are on the menu!
2. JD Vance Ushas more water into Ohio River - while Erik the Viking pines in Nagorno-Karabakh, Azerbaijan!
3. It's Marjorie Taylor Greene v Laura Loomer for the Women's Borderline Personality Disorder Title - proudly sponsored by Arby's Beef Sandwiches*! (*Inner West Karen offended by the hegemony at a taxonomical level)
4. Plus, Diego the Venezuelan Gang Parrot returns to find his soulmate - in Blackpool! Will they be reunited after Porridge?

And so much more of this week's total f*cking mayhem:

• Aussie PM Anthony Albanese recognises Hamas! - Iran Air First Class upgrades a total coincidence
• Hamas recognises Aussie PM Anthony Albanese! - also where he lives
• Trouble Sleeping? - Henry's Short* History of Armenia is here! (*86 mins)
• Trouble Slipping Into Coma? - try Henry's Shorter* History of Alaska! (*46 hrs)
• UK Foreign Minister David Lammy reveals Henry VIII's shock successor! - Henry VII: 'Thou Art a F*ck-Knuckle, My Liege'
• Cotswolds village Stow-on-the-Wold decrees Vance a C*nt-on-the-Wheels
• Gloria Gaynor declines Trump Kennedy Center Honour! - 'I Will Survive'
• George Strait declines too! - 'Not 'til Marvin Gaye gets one'
• Kennedy Center Scandal: Don't judge us on one paedo song, begs KISS' Gene Simmons - 'We have heaps!'

In the comedy podcast with all the latest news explained by idiots - The Honk* and Henry Lee^ (Donald Trump suddenly taken ill after 'Howdy Putin!' tea ceremony)

Saying hi? Email: gday@instantexperts.com.au

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All complaints to: thanksalbo@hamas.ps

Produced, mixed, compiled and edited by Junior

Additional editing by guy in charge of security footage, back room, Cross-Fit Gym, Washington D.C.* (*on secondment during trauma leave)

Digital design & social media by Guantanamo Babe

^Henry last checked privilege 1972, but comparative analysis shows it lies somewhere between Cotswolds and Newtown West.

*Honk a fighter for truth, justice, role of agriculture as potent engine for inclusive sustainable development. He is currently pursuing a PhD in 'The History of the Gazpacho' at Lady Grey College, Juneau (campus formerly in Sitka).

Don't miss 'Epstein Files' Bluegrass Band - on tour in South Sudan til further notice!

You 'eard an exo'ic bird sayin' anyfink suspicious lately like? Be a loov and drop oos a line would ye? Fanx ever sa mooch - Lancashire Police, Oswaldtwistle

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