I’m Sorry: How to Apologize, Mean It, and Why It’s So Hard (Especially for Neurodiverse Kids!)
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I’m Sorry: How to Apologize, Mean It, and Why It’s So Hard (Especially for Neurodiverse Kids!)
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About this listen
Why is it so hard to say “I’m sorry”—especially for kids and teens? And what actually makes an apology feel real and healing? In this episode of The Mother-Son Podcast, Kim and Jacob explore the emotional, social, and neurological reasons why apologizing can feel impossible—and how to make it easier and more meaningful for everyone, especially neurodiverse kids and teens. From Harvard’s seven-step framework to relationship wisdom from Esther Perel and real-world examples from Starfish Social Club, this episode blends research with real talk.
🧠 In This Episode:
- Why kids (especially neurodiverse ones) struggle to apologize
- What to do when someone won’t apologize
- 7 key elements of a powerful, sincere apology (Harvard Ombuds Office)
- Why “I’m sorry you feel that way” doesn’t count
- The difference between forced apologies and real repair
- The physical and emotional health benefits of forgiveness
- How to teach, model, and practice meaningful apologies as a family
💬 Quotes from the Episode:
“A good apology puts the relationship first.” – Esther Perel“Sometimes kids won’t apologize because they’re trying to protect their self-esteem.” – Steph West, Starfish Social Club
“If you can’t include all the parts of a sincere apology, it might be better to wait.” – Marsha Wagner, Harvard Ombuds Office
“Forgiveness lowers stress, improves sleep, and protects your health.” – Johns Hopkins Medicine
📌 Takeaways:
- Focus on connection, not control. Don’t force an apology—model it.
- Neurodivergent kids may need a different path to apology that centers on empathy and safety.
- Repair matters more than the words.
- Forgiveness isn’t always easy—but it can be healing, even when the apology never comes.
- Teach kids to ask, “How can I make this better?” instead of just saying “sorry.”
🎧 Listener Challenge:
Practice giving or receiving a real apology this week. Use all 7 steps if you can—or just start with empathy. Then talk about how it felt with someone you trust.
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Toodle-loo! 😄
📚 Referenced Articles & Resources:
- Marsha L. Wagner – The Power of Apologies
Harvard Medical School Ombuds Office (PDF) - Esther Perel & Mary Alice Miller – The Power of Apologizing: Relearn How to Say I’m Sorry http://www.estherperel.com
- Steph West – Why Apologizing Is Difficult for Autisti