In this episode, I sat down with Derek — a marriage therapist who’s basically the bariatric world’s relationship whisperer — to talk about the real side of love after surgery. We're not sugar-coating it (and you know I don’t do sugar unless it fits my macros).

We got into the messy stuff: how the holidays and politics can turn even strong marriages into silent standoffs, why bariatric surgery can shake up a relationship dynamic fast, and what actually helps couples stay connected when life throws curveballs.

Derek broke down the Four Horsemen of Marriage (spoiler: these bad boys ruin more marriages than carbs), how to rebuild trust through tough conversations, and why rituals of connection — yes, even tiny ones — matter more than grand gestures. This one’s not just for the romantically partnered either. It’s for anyone who's navigating change and doesn’t want to drag relationship chaos along for the ride.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Relationships and Bariatrics

01:24 Navigating Holiday Stress in Relationships

03:27 Political Divides and Relationship Strain

04:49 Effective Communication in Major Life Decisions

06:58 Understanding Fear and Misinformation in Bariatrics

08:57 Ambassadorship in Bariatric Conversations

10:41 Opening Difficult Conversations with Loved Ones

12:45 The Importance of Trust in Relationships

14:11 Navigating Change After Bariatric Surgery

16:17 Finding the Right Time for Difficult Discussions

18:06 Building Connection Through Rituals

22:18 Maintaining Connection Amidst Change

25:16 Balancing Self-Care and Relationship Needs

28:53 Acknowledging and Validating Fears

32:20 The Four Horsemen of Marriage

32:47 The Four Horsemen of Relationship Deterioration

34:47 Understanding and Overcoming Criticism

36:19 The Dangers of Contempt in Relationships

37:12 Defensiveness: A Barrier to Communication

39:37 The Importance of Validation

40:05 Recognizing and Addressing Stonewalling

43:14 The Impact of Past Issues on Present Relationships

45:58 The Role of Therapy in Relationship Healing

47:57 Building Healthy Relationship Habits

49:12 Making Nutrition an Us Journey

50:44 Staying Active Together

51:43 Showing Up for Yourself

54:11 Finding Healthy Sources of Dopamine