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How to stop playing small - three practical strategies (that work!)

How to stop playing small - three practical strategies (that work!)

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 “Stop playing small” is terrible advice because no-one really knows what it means to play big, or how to approach it! When people talk about playing small, they usually mention things like: Not charging their worthSelf-sabotagingAvoiding key projects and actionsNot being visibleNot going for their dreams! Does that mean that playing big is the opposite of this: Charging your worthLetting yourself have the win!Tackling key projects and taking difficult actionsBeing visible and building your brandGoing for your dreams! Probably! But, I think we can go further. In today’s episode, I’m going to break down the psychology of playing small and offer a very specific approach for showing up differently. 1. Grit vs. Campaign Thinking: The Danger of Living in Crisis Mode We often celebrate “grit” – the ability to push through, keep going, get it done. Angela Duckworth even made it famous in her work on success, showing that grit (passion + perseverance) is a better predictor of long-term achievement than IQ or talent. But grit without vision is just survival. If you wake up every day thinking, “What’s broken? What needs fixing?” – that’s reactivity, not strategy. It’s a common pattern I see in entrepreneurs: Hustling for last-minute sales. Overbooking and over-delivering. Staying up late to make ends meet. That’s not bad – sometimes it’s necessary. But if you live there for too long, you’ll build a business around firefighting, not future-building. The Science: This is partly driven by your brain’s amygdala — the centre for fear and threat detection. When we’re uncertain or under pressure, it activates your fight-or-flight response. That’s when you default to solving immediate problems instead of building long-term solutions. But playing big requires prefrontal cortex thinking – the part of your brain responsible for planning, reasoning, and imagining the future. It’s not activated when you’re constantly stressed. The Shift: Playing big means stepping back to ask: “Where am I going? And what do I need to build this quarter, this year, to get there?” That’s campaign thinking. That’s strategy. Grit might get you out of a hole, but campaign thinking builds your true vision. 2. Passive vs. Directive Thinking: Who’s Really in Charge? One of the hardest ways we play small is by letting our emotions and beliefs steer our decisions. You know it’s happening when you say things like: “I just wasn’t in the right headspace today.” “I’ve always struggled with that.” “I just didn’t feel like it.” As someone who’s been prone to depressive episodes most of my life, I know what it’s like to feel low, unmotivated, even hopeless. But I also know this: You are not your thoughts. You are not your feelings. You are the person who notices them – and chooses what to do next. The Science: In cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), there’s a powerful concept called cognitive distancing – the ability to observe your thoughts without attaching to them as truth. This is a cornerstone of emotional regulation and personal change. Instead of “I am overwhelmed,” you say, “I’m experiencing overwhelm.” That tiny shift gives you space to choose a different response. The Shift: A passive thinker lets the day happen to them. A directive thinker observes what’s happening – then acts anyway. They don’t wait to feel motivated. They create motivation using little tricks like going on a walk, promising yourself a reward in exchange for the work, creating a lovely environment to work just so you can get started. Sometimes that means waking up at 5am to do the hard thing first. Sometimes it means scheduling joy, like a movie or coffee out, just to trigger some dopamine and keep going. Motivating yourself to do the hard job is a skill. And it is a skill that can be learned. 3. Tasks vs. Projects: Are You Creating or Just Completing? Let me ask you this: If I opened your calendar for next week… Would I see tasks? Or would I see projects? Would I see time blocked out for: Writing your bookFilming your coursePreparing your TEDx talkBuilding your funnelPractising your speaking Or would I see: MeetingsAdminZooms booked in by other people“Reply to emails”“Post something on Instagram” The former moves your life forward. The latter keeps it ticking over. The Psychology: This is the difference between being busy and being effective. Our brains are wired to love “completion” – every time we tick off a to-do item, we get a dopamine hit. That’s why it feels good to stay in action mode. But it’s short-lived. Creative, meaningful work – the kind that actually grows your business – is messy. It’s nonlinear. You don’t get a hit every 15 minutes. You sit in discomfort. You wrestle. And you often feel like you’re failing right before you break through. The Shift: Playing big means prioritising outcomes over checklists. Not “...
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