Let’s talk about something that doesn’t get enough attention when it comes to insomnia:

How you treat yourself when things are hard.

Most people are kinder to others than they are to themselves.

And if you’re like many people struggling with insomnia, you may find yourself thinking things like:

• “What’s wrong with me?”
• “Why can’t I just sleep like a normal person?”
• “I’m such a mess.”

That internal tone?

It matters. A lot.

You might think being tough on yourself will push you to “try harder” or “get it together.”

But research shows the opposite.

Self-criticism actually increases your stress levels and activates threat centers in the brain.

This puts your body on high alert - making it even harder to sleep.

In fact, a review of 48 studies found that self-criticism is linked to depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and more.

It doesn’t create change - it creates shame, frustration, and stuckness.

Self-compassion is not indulgent or weak. It’s practical.

When you respond to your suffering with care instead of criticism, you shift your nervous system from fight-or-flight into a calmer, more restful state.

In other words:

Self-compassion reduces the “sleep-stopping force” that fuels insomnia in the first place.

Instead of adding dirty pain (shame, blame, judgment), you create space for healing.

Think of a recent moment where you were struggling - maybe during a hard night or a rough morning after.

Now imagine your closest friend told you they were going through that exact experience.

• What would you say to them?
• Would you shame them for not handling it better?
• Or would you offer words of care and understanding?

Take those same words - and speak them to yourself.

It might feel awkward at first.

But with practice, it gets easier.

And over time, your brain learns that it’s safe to suffer without self-punishment.

That’s when real healing can begin.

Insomnia is not a personal failing.

It’s a pattern your brain got stuck in after perceiving a threat around sleep.

But every time you respond to your struggle with compassion instead of criticism, you send a signal to your brain that the threat is lessening.

You’re not broken. You’re human.

You’re doing your best.

And you deserve your own kindness - especially on the nights that feel the hardest.

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I also wrote a book about it. I've now coached many on how to end their insomnia for good in 8 weeks.

1. Looking for a deep dive into the End Insomnia System? Start with the End Insomnia book on Amazon.
2. If you are committed to ending insomnia for good in 8 weeks, 100% naturally, book a call today to see if we can help.

Your resilience during insomnia grows when you stop trying to “fix” the pain you experience - and instead start living in a way that reflects what matters most to you.

Let’s take this one step further:

👉 How do you live by your values when you’re exhausted, foggy, and unmotivated?

👉 How do you reclaim your day after a brutal night?

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Behavioral activation: a small shift with big results

In the field of psychology, there’s a powerful concept called behavioral activation.

Put simply:

Doing the things that matter to you—even when you don’t feel like it—can lift your mood, increase resilience, and help reduce the intensity of insomnia.

This doesn’t mean ignoring your fatigue.

It means choosing to act with the fatigue, rather than waiting for it to disappear before you engage with life again.

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What this looks like in real life:

Let’s say you didn’t sleep much.

Your instinct might be to cancel plans, stay home, and just try to “survive the day.”

That’s totally understandable.

And sometimes, rest is the right call.

But what if you:

• Still met your friend for a slow coffee walk?

• Did a small creative task instead of canceling everything?

• Took 20 minutes to play music or cook a simple meal because it connects you to yourself?

These aren’t acts of denial.

They’re acts of courage—and alignment with your values.

They prove to your nervous system:

“I can live a meaningful life, even before my sleep is perfect.”

And that reduces the stakes on sleep.

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A few helpful tools:

1. The Two Lists Strategy

Write down:

• Tasks you’ll do no matter how you slept

• Tasks you’ll do only if you slept decently

Keep your “no matter what” list rooted in your values.

This builds confidence and consistency.

2. Mood Forecasting Filter

Remember: your energy and mood will shift throughout the day.

Just because the morning feels awful doesn’t mean the whole day is doomed.

3. Mini Joy Check-Ins

Do one small thing that connects you to joy, play, or presence—no matter how short. It counts.

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You’re allowed to enjoy life again—even before sleep improves.

Insomnia takes a lot from us before we recover.

But it doesn’t get to take our whole life.

If you wait to feel “better” before living fully, you’ll only raise the pressure on sleep—which makes it even harder to come.

Living by your values, no matter how you slept, is a way out.

Start small.

Start today.

You’ve got this.

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Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I also wrote a book about it. I've now coached many on how to end their insomnia for good in 8 weeks.

1. Looking for a deep dive into the End Insomnia System? Start with the End Insomnia book on Amazon.
2. If you are committed to ending insomnia for good in 8 weeks, 100% naturally, book a call today to see if we can help.

Let’s face it: life is hard.

And the longer you struggle with insomnia, the more this truth becomes undeniable.

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy - and in Buddhist philosophy for over 2,500 years - there’s a core idea that has helped many people find steadiness through difficulty:

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Suffering is inevitable.

But how do we respond to it? That’s where we have a choice.

We live in a world full of unpredictability, loss, discomfort, and emotional turbulence.

The things we love most are impermanent - including our energy, routines, and even our own bodies.

And yet… we’re constantly bombarded with messages that suggest something is wrong with us if we’re not thriving 24/7.

Scroll social media for five minutes and you’ll find polished, highlight-reel lives that seem problem-free.

But here’s the secret most of us forget:

Everyone struggles.

The curated happiness we see is just a moment in time - not the full picture.

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When your days are foggy and your nights feel endless, it’s easy to feel broken.

You might start thinking:

• “What’s wrong with me?”
• “Why can’t I get it together like everyone else?”
• “If I were doing something right, I wouldn’t feel like this.”

This kind of self-talk only compounds the pain.

But when you stop pathologizing your suffering—and instead acknowledge that difficulty is part of life - something shifts.

You stop fighting yourself.

You stop making your symptoms a moral failure.

And you start responding with compassion, instead of judgment.

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Resilience means you learn how to move through suffering with greater steadiness and self-respect.

And here’s the key:

You build resilience not by avoiding pain, but by doing what matters to you even when things are hard.

Which brings us to something crucial:

Your values.

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Most people chase goals as if they were the secret to happiness.

But here’s the catch:

• You may never reach your goal.
• Or, you may reach it - and then realize the happiness didn’t last.
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This is called hedonic adaptation.

Researchers have found that even people who win the lottery eventually return to their baseline level of happiness.

The same goes for people who face major setbacks. After the shock, we adapt.

So what actually creates lasting fulfillment?

👉 The answer: Your intentional actions.

What you choose to focus on. What you choose to live out, even when life is rough.

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Values are qualities you can embody any time, whether or not you’re sleeping well.

They’re things like:

• Kindness
• Courage
• Growth
• Honesty
• Creativity
• Connection
• Compassion
• Service

Unlike goals, you don’t “achieve” values. You live them.

And they bring purpose and meaning in the moment, not just “someday” when things improve.

• What do you want your life to stand for?
• What kind of person do you want to be - even on a rough day?
• What values can guide you through this season of insomnia?

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Next time, I’ll share how to put your values into action - even on days when you feel drained or unmotivated.

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End...