Have you ever felt an internal pull toward something more—even though your life looks “fine” on the outside?

In this episode, Andrew and Cat explore the quiet but powerful feeling many people experience when they’re ready for growth: the sense that the current version of yourself no longer fits. This conversation unpacks why this feeling shows up, what it actually means, and how to listen to it without burning your life down.

This episode is about identity shifts, alignment, and understanding that wanting more doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful—it means you’re evolving.

• Why feeling unsettled is often a sign of growth, not failure
• The difference between wanting to escape and wanting to align
• Why adults lose permission to explore new versions of themselves
• How future-self awareness begins before action
• Why growth can feel uncomfortable even when it’s right
• How fear shows up when your identity starts to change
• Why imagining a future version of yourself is meaningful
• Letting go of outdated goals, habits, and identities
• Why growth doesn’t require drastic life changes

1. Notice the Nudge – Pay attention to feelings of restlessness or misalignment instead of suppressing them.
2. Name What’s Changing – Ask yourself what no longer fits instead of what’s “wrong.”
3. Release the Pressure – Growth doesn’t require immediate action or dramatic decisions.
4. Honor Both Truths – You can be grateful for your life and still want more.
5. Think in Small Shifts – Identity change happens through awareness and micro-adjustments over time.

• What feels outdated in my life right now?
• What part of me is asking for growth or expansion?
• If I trusted this calling, what might it be pointing me toward?

Andrew reflects on recognizing subtle internal shifts before big changes.

Cat shares the relief that comes from realizing growth doesn’t have to be dramatic or destructive.

This episode begins the Five Year You series.

Next Episode:

Why Starting Over Feels So Scary (And What Staying Stuck Is Really Costing You)

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https://fiveyearyou.com/coaching

Website: https://fiveyearyou.com

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Disclaimer:

This podcast is for informational purposes only and does not substitute professional medical, mental health, or legal advice. Some links may be affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases.

Every year, millions of people set New Year’s resolutions — and by mid-January, most of them feel frustrated, discouraged, or convinced they’ve failed. In this episode, Andrew and Cat break down why resolutions so often fall apart, why it’s not a personal flaw, and what actually works if you want real, lasting change.

This conversation is about releasing shame, understanding how your brain and nervous system work, and building habits that support who you’re becoming — not punishing yourself into change.

1. Why most resolutions fail by design
2. How going “too big, too fast” overwhelms your nervous system
3. The difference between goals driven by shame vs. excitement
4. Why motivation doesn’t come first — action does
5. How identity-based habits outperform willpower
6. Why systems matter more than motivation
7. How overwhelm leads to avoidance and freeze mode
8. Why rest and flexibility are part of consistency

1. They’re too vague (“get healthy,” “be better,” “lose weight”)
2. They’re rooted in self-criticism instead of care
3. They rely on motivation instead of systems
4. They ignore real life stress, illness, and bad days
5. They don’t account for who you actually are

Start smaller than feels necessary

Tiny, achievable actions build momentum. Big goals still matter — but they must be broken into bite-sized steps your brain can handle.

Create systems, not rules

Motivation fades. Systems stay. Decide how you’ll show up on hard days, not just what you’ll do on perfect ones.

Build identity-based habits

Instead of “I need to work out,” try:

1. “I’m someone who moves every day”
2. “I’m someone who shows up, even imperfectly”

Know yourself honestly

Some people need accountability. Others don’t. There’s no shame — just strategy.

Plan for real life

Have a Plan B for sick days, stressful weeks, and low-energy moments. Missing one day doesn’t break a habit — quitting does.

Action creates motivation

Don’t wait to feel inspired. Do the smallest version of the habit — motivation will follow.

1. Change driven by shame rarely survives stress
2. Overwhelm triggers avoidance
3. Pausing does not erase progress

Rejection can feel deeply personal — whether it’s not getting the job, not hearing back, being left out, or feeling unwanted in relationships. In this episode, Andrew and Cat unpack why rejection hurts so much, what’s actually happening in your brain when it happens, and how to move through it without letting it define your self-worth.

This conversation is for anyone who tends to replay rejection over and over, spiral into self-blame, or wonder what’s “wrong” with them after hearing no.

• Why rejection activates the brain’s pain centers
• How rejection threatens belonging, not your value
• The difference between what happened and the story you tell yourself
• Why rejection often feels like an identity attack
• How timing, fit, and context matter more than personal failure
• Why being rejected doesn’t mean you were evaluated fairly
• How to stop internalizing rejection and move forward with confidence

• Rejection is an event, not a verdict
• Not being chosen doesn’t mean you’re unworthy
• You don’t need universal approval to belong
• Rejection often protects you from misalignment
• One “no” does not define your future

• Let yourself feel disappointed without shaming yourself
• Name the emotion instead of becoming it
• Separate facts from assumptions
• Reconnect with moments where you have been chosen
• Keep your identity bigger than one outcome

You are not your last rejection. You are allowed to grieve it — and you are allowed to move on without carrying it as proof of anything about you.

Andrew shares a moment of calm and presence before a busy season, while Cat reflects on the joy of a slow, grounding day spent resetting her space and energy.

Bad days happen to everyone — the spilled coffee, the rude driver, the overwhelming to-do list, the kid meltdown, or the spiraling thoughts that won’t quit. But a bad day doesn’t have to turn into a bad week or a bad season. In this episode, Andrew and Cat break down exactly what’s happening in your body and mind during a tough day and share practical, science-backed steps to interrupt the spiral and truly reset.

This is your guide to calming your nervous system, grounding in the present, and giving yourself the compassion you actually need.

• Why your brain goes into “fight, flight, or freeze” during a bad day
• How overstimulation + emotional flooding make everything feel worse
• The Window of Tolerance and why you pop out of it
• Why powering through backfires
• What not to do after a bad day
• Simple grounding techniques that work in minutes
• How to shift your environment and regulate your nervous system
• How to stop the negative momentum before it becomes a bad week

Normalize it: “This is a bad day. It’s temporary.”

Awareness interrupts the mental tumble.

When your mind spins, your body’s in survival mode. Try:

• Box breathing (4–4–4–4)
• Double inhale + long exhale
• Rubbing your arms
• Feet planted firmly on the ground
• Repeating: “I am safe right now.”

Bad days create physical tension. Release it with:

• A fast walk
• Gentle stretching
• Shaking out your limbs
• A moment of dancing
• Stomping your feet (great for kids and adults)

Movement shifts your physiology faster than thoughts ever will.

Your nervous system needs a scene shift:

• Step outside for fresh air and sunlight
• Splash cold water on your face
• Take a warm shower (Cat’s dad’s universal cure!)

A new environment interrupts the emotional loop.

Once calmer, try:

• Tea or cool water
• A short nap
• A self-hug or safe, comforting touch
• Journaling what triggered you
• Asking for a hug from someone you trust

Your brain wants to replay the bad moment a hundred times.

Interrupt it with: “I don’t need to carry this anymore.”

• Don’t force positivity (“I’m fine” makes it worse)
• Don’t ruminate — replaying it keeps the stress alive
• Don’t doom scroll
• Don’t isolate yourself
• Don’t make major decisions
• Don’t self-criticize

Treat yourself how you’d treat someone you love — gently.

• Realizing she was dysregulated without noticing it — and how helpful it is when someone gently mirrors that back.
• The reminder that pushing through only leads to overwhelm, overreacting, and unnecessary conflict.

• Understanding the hyperarousal

Christmas is often described as the most wonderful time of the year — but for many people, it’s one of the hardest. In this episode, Andrew and Cat talk honestly about holiday burnout, grief, pressure, and unrealistic expectations, and offer compassionate, practical ways to experience Christmas in a way that actually feels good for you.

This episode is especially for anyone who feels overwhelmed, disconnected, grieving, resentful, or simply “not into it” this year. You’re not broken — you’re human.

• Why Christmas can feel emotionally heavy instead of joyful

• The unrealistic pressure placed on parents (especially moms) during the holidays

• How social media amplifies comparison, guilt, and expectations

• Why it’s okay to feel joy and sadness at the same time

• How grief shows up during the holidays — and why there’s no “right” way to do Christmas

• The difference between meaningful moments and overdoing gifts and traditions

• How to stop people-pleasing and start honoring your own emotional needs

You’re not broken if you’re not feeling festive

If Christmas feels hard this year, that doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. Stress, grief, loss, illness, burnout, and family dynamics all get amplified during the holidays.

Christmas is an amplifier

Whatever you’re already feeling — joy, exhaustion, grief, loneliness — tends to feel bigger this time of year. That doesn’t make those feelings bad or wrong.

More effort doesn’t equal more joy

Doing more traditions, buying more gifts, or spending more money doesn’t guarantee happiness. Often, it just leads to more stress and resentment.

Kids remember how you felt, not what you bought

Children are far more likely to remember experiences, presence, and emotional safety than the number of presents under the tree.

Grief and gratitude can coexist

You can miss someone deeply and still appreciate the people or moments you have now. Smiling doesn’t mean you’ve “moved on,” and sadness doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful.

Design Christmas around your emotional needs

Ask yourself:

– Do I need calm or excitement this year?

– Do I want togetherness or more quiet?

– What would actually help me feel rested or supported?

There is no correct answer — only your answer.

Simplify traditions

Traditions don’t have to be expensive or elaborate. Small, repeatable comforts can be just as meaningful:

– One favorite movie

– A quiet morning

– Driving around to look at lights

– A simple meal

– One meaningful gift

You’re allowed to start new traditions or pause old ones.

Set boundaries without guilt

You’re allowed to:

– Say no to travel

– Leave early

– Stay home

– Skip events

– Change plans

Disappointing others doesn’t mean you’ve failed — it means you’re honoring yourself.

If you’re grieving, do what feels safest

Recreating old traditions might hurt — or it might help. Either choice is valid. Staying home is not “giving up.” It’s creating space to heal.

Stop forcing cheer

You don’t need to fix the mood, perform happiness, or make everyone feel joyful. Let emotions come and go naturally.

• Don’t force happiness or cheer

• Don’t compare your holiday to social media

• Don’t shame yourself for how you’re feeling

• Don’t override your needs to meet expectations

• Don’t assume this year defines every future Christmas

Cat’s...

You can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely — and that’s something almost everyone experiences. In this episode, Andrew and Cat unpack the difference between being alone and feeling lonely, explore where that emptiness comes from, and share practical, compassionate ways to rebuild connection — both with others and yourself.

• Loneliness ≠ isolation. You can feel lonely in a crowded room because connection is about being understood, not just being around others.
• Your brain lies. The stories you tell yourself — “I’m a burden,” “no one cares,” “I wasn’t invited because I’m not liked” — aren’t facts.
• It’s often rooted in old wounds. Many of us learned as kids to minimize our needs, which makes adult connection harder.
• You can rewire the story. Self-compassion and awareness can help you separate what happened from what you made it mean.
• Connection takes courage. Reaching out feels scary, but it’s the antidote to loneliness.

1️⃣ Name the lie. When your brain says, “nobody cares,” replace it with: “No one knows I need them right now.”

2️⃣ Reach out first. Send a text, share a funny video, or ask for a coffee. Don’t wait for an invitation — give one.

3️⃣ Borrow hope. When you see others connecting, use it as proof that connection is possible for you too.

4️⃣ Say what you need. “Can we talk?” or “I’ve been feeling disconnected” is honest — not needy.

5️⃣ Get around people. Go for a walk, smile at strangers, sit in a café — you’ll feel energy shift just by being among others.

6️⃣ Rebuild inner connection. Remind yourself of your worth: write down moments when you’ve been a good friend, helper, or listener.

7️⃣ Shift focus outward. Helping others — even small acts — often dissolves your own loneliness.

• “Hey, I’ve been thinking of you. How have you been?”
• “I could use a chat today — do you have time to catch up?”
• “Want to grab a quick coffee this week?”
• “I saw this and it made me think of you.”

Every message doesn’t have to be deep — just real.

• Cat: Trader Joe’s ready-made dinners — giving herself grace and ease in a busy week. 🍝
• Andrew: Binge-watching Stranger Things guilt-free — sometimes comfort and escape are self-care. 📺

You are not alone. If you’re in crisis or feeling hopeless, reach out for help right now:

• 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (U.S.) — call or text 988
• Canada Suicide Prevention Service — call or text 988
• U.K. Samaritans — call 116 123
• Australia Lifeline — call 13 11 14
• Or visit findahelpline.com for international...

Do you ever wake up and think, “Is this it?” You’ve checked all the boxes — career, home, family — but something still feels flat. In this episode, Andrew and Cat unpack why life can suddenly feel boring even when everything looks good on paper. They share insights on midlife lulls, lost curiosity, and how to bring energy, novelty, and purpose back into your everyday routine.

• Boredom isn’t bad. It’s a signal — not a failure. It’s your brain’s way of saying, “We’ve mastered this level. Time to evolve.”
• Comfort kills curiosity. The more predictable your life becomes, the less stimulation your brain gets.
• There are two kinds of boredom:
• Situational boredom — nothing to do.
• Existential boredom — plenty to do, but nothing excites you.
• Tiny novelties matter. You don’t need to blow up your life; even small changes reignite joy.

1️⃣ Add micro-novelties. Try a new coffee shop, walk a different route, or rearrange a room — fresh experiences reawaken your senses.

2️⃣ Stay curious. Learn something new just for the fun of it — a language, an instrument, or even a random hobby.

3️⃣ Reconnect with purpose. If your kids, job, or routines no longer “need” you the same way, find new outlets for meaning.

4️⃣ Let boredom guide you. Sometimes it’s not about doing more — it’s about resting deeply.

5️⃣ Reach out. Loneliness often hides behind “busy.” Text the friend you’ve been missing — they’ll probably be relieved you did.

• Replace scrolling with doing. Ten minutes of learning beats an hour of endless swiping.
• Start a “Done List.” Track what you accomplished today instead of what’s missing.
• Take curiosity breaks. Watch a documentary, visit a farmer’s market, or read about something new.
• Try the Groundhog Day reframe: Instead of escaping monotony, add playfulness to it — like Bill Murray learning piano and French.
• Practice boredom without guilt. Rest is not laziness; it’s restoration.

• Cat: Recording in person with Andrew in their Canada home — first time in ages and totally glimmery. 🇨🇦
• Andrew: Finally solving the technical setup to make it happen — and proving that collaboration always feels better than perfection.

• Website: fiveyearyou.com
• Instagram & TikTok: @fiveyearyou
• Email: hello@fiveyearyou.com

Affiliate note: As Amazon Associates, we earn from qualifying purchases (Store ID: amp09-20 | Tracking ID: 5yy-20).

Everyone wants to be liked — but trying too hard can make the opposite happen. In this episode, Andrew and Cat unpack the psychology of likability and share practical, science-backed (and heart-backed) ways to connect more deeply with others. Whether you’re navigating work events, friendships, or dating, these tips will help you become the kind of person people remember — for all the right reasons.

• People want to feel seen. Listening and showing genuine interest makes you instantly more likable.
• Authenticity beats performance. Pretending to be someone you’re not always backfires — real connection comes from honesty.
• Kindness counts. The way you treat others (servers, coworkers, strangers) reveals your character more than anything you say.
• The “likeability loop.” When you care about people, they feel good — and associate that feeling with you.

1️⃣ Show genuine curiosity. Ask thoughtful questions about people’s lives, interests, and stories.

2️⃣ Listen more than you talk. Don’t wait for your turn — truly hear them.

3️⃣ Remember details. Use your phone notes if needed. Mention their kids, trips, or hobbies later — people feel valued.

4️⃣ Smile and use names. A person’s name is their favorite sound; it builds warmth instantly.

5️⃣ Talk in their terms. Discuss what they enjoy — sports, travel, hobbies — even if it’s new to you.

6️⃣ Be kind to everyone. Your behavior toward strangers says more than words ever will.

7️⃣ Don’t gossip. If you talk about others negatively, people assume you’ll do the same to them.

8️⃣ Initiate connection. Don’t wait to be approached — say hello, make eye contact, and be the one who starts the conversation.

• Use the “two-question rule.” After someone answers your first question, ask one follow-up that shows you were listening.
• Practice micro-connections. Compliment a stranger’s outfit, greet your barista, or check in with a coworker.
• Note their world. “How was your beach trip?” hits differently than “How are you?”
• Mirror energy. Match people’s tone and pace naturally — it creates subconscious comfort.

• Cat: Domino’s gluten-free pepperoni and pineapple pizza — the ultimate cozy reward after recording. 🍕
• Andrew: Dinner with his daughter and her boyfriend — a milestone moment and reminder that connection starts with listening.

• Website: fiveyearyou.com
• Instagram & TikTok: @fiveyearyou
• Email: hello@fiveyearyou.com

Affiliate note: As Amazon Associates, we earn from qualifying purchases (Store ID: amp09-20 | Tracking ID: 5yy-20).