The problem isn't that your desire or drive is changing. The problem is that you're not talking about these changes and finding solutions on how to evolve with them and stay connected.

In this vulnerable and eye-opening episode, we share the real reasons intimacy shifts over time (especially after kids, through peri-menopause, or with stress and aging), and how couples can adapt together rather than growing apart.

In this episode you’ll hear:

-A raw confession from a wife/mom at a retreat Jocelyn spoke at recently

-The difference between spontaneous and responsive desire

-Why intimacy isn’t just physical—it’s deeply emotional and environmental

-How hormones, lifestyle, and fear influence libido

-Practical steps to create a more connected, satisfying intimate relationship—at any age

This episode is part of our Intimacy Series—helping couples reignite closeness and communication in every season of marriage. Want daily prompts to rebuild emotional & physical intimacy?

👉Join our special edition 30-Day Couples Challenge: https://mycoupleschallenge.com/best

Timeline of what we discuss in this episode:

00:00 – A real confession: “I feel guilt because I used to want intimacy all the time…”

00:21 – The real problem isn’t desire changing—it’s not talking about it

00:42 – Welcome to the Empowered Couples Podcast

01:00 – The impact of postpartum, perimenopause, and menopause

02:03 – Men experience changes too (and it affects confidence)

02:52 – Don’t compare to the past—it’s not the same anymore

03:17 – Powerful conversation starters to open up about desire

04:00 – Do men and women experience different libido shifts?

05:00 – Understanding hormonal changes: perimenopause and aging

06:01 – Postpartum, hormone shifts, and how your body chemistry changes

07:00 – Getting your hormones tested and being proactive

08:00 – Personal lifestyle changes and challenges we’ve faced

09:04 – Poor sleep, stress, and sedentary living affect libido

10:11 – Emotional exhaustion and cycle awareness in women

11:18 – How birth control and fertility windows affect attraction

12:18 – Fathers experience biological shifts too

13:06 – Fear of pregnancy can lower intimacy desire

14:05 – Lifestyle habits that support libido

15:21 – The power of variety, newness, and weekly rhythms

16:22 – Our 30-Day Challenge to reignite the spark (The Best of Us)

17:14 – Why we brought this challenge back more than once a year

18:04 – Spontaneous vs. responsive desire explained

20:20 – Most women (and couples) are more responsive than spontaneous

22:15 – Long-term relationships shift desire patterns

23:13 – Intimacy becomes more about environment and intention

24:32 – Create emotional connection without pressure

25:02 – Start with the hard conversation: talk about what’s changed

26:04 – Learn your erotic blueprint—how you’re wired now, not then

27:07 – Focus more on quality of intimacy than frequency

28:23 – Final marriage reminder: evolve together, not apart

29:13 – Join the 30-Day Best of Us Challenge

29:30 – Like, Subscribe, and Leave a Review

Is it normal for intimacy to feel like another item on your to-do list? You love your partner, but between parenting, exhaustion, and unspoken resentment… desire can fade.

In this episode, we're unpacking why intimacy feels like an obligation — and how to shift the emotional and physical energy in your marriage so that you both actually want it again.

We share real stories, emotional dynamics, and practical shifts that help couples go from feeling like roommates to rekindling passion — even in the busiest seasons of life.

Topics we cover in this episode:

-Emotional disconnection vs desire

-Why frequency isn’t the real issue

-How to rebuild emotional and physical intimacy

-Shifting from “obligation” to “wanting” again

Relationship resources:

Ready to reconnect and reignite the spark? Join our 30-Day Special Edition Couples Challenge — The Best of Us (only open 3x a year):

👉 https://mycoupleschallenge.com/best

🎧 Subscribe for more non-boring marriage advice:

New episodes weekly to help you communicate better, resolve conflicts, and stay on the SAME TEAM.

Episode timestamps:

00:00 – The real reason intimacy feels like a chore

00:28 – A typical day that drains your connection

01:28 – Intimacy isn’t just about frequency

02:08 – Emotional & physical disconnection = exhaustion

03:36 – Intimacy should fuel your life, not feel like an obligation

05:12 – What makes marriage different from other relationships

06:07 – Why passion fades (and how to bring it back)

07:06 – From obligatory intimacy to real desire

08:02 – The role of stress, overstimulation, and exhaustion

10:17 – Are you ignoring intimacy too long?

11:03 – Hormones, life seasons & libido shifts

12:10 – How unresolved tension blocks intimacy

13:00 – Top 5 blocks to intimacy (from our survey)

14:04 – Is intimacy actually enjoyable for both of you?

15:09 – Why honest intimacy check-ins matter

15:48 – Emotional tone shift #1: warmth, eye contact & presence

17:00 – Emotional coldness kills desire

19:00 – Micro habits that warm up emotional intimacy

20:08 – Shift #2: Physical touch outside the bedroom

21:36 – Shift #3: Initiation & anticipation matter

23:35 – Why women must also participate in creating desire

25:06 – Dating energy vs marriage complacency

26:35 – Would your dating self get a “yes” today?

27:53 – Shift #4: Intimacy starts outside the bedroom

29:19 – Check-ins and parenting stress affect desire too

30:12 – The power of fun and play in rekindling intimacy

31:27 – Relaxation and play spark openness

32:18 – Why our “Best of Us” Challenge is perfect for this

33:03 – Intimacy should be enjoyable — not expected

33:35 – Stop forcing frequency. Focus on connection instead.

34:13 – Subscribe + get ready for our upcoming Q&A episode