In this episode, Tera and Sarah discuss the common response they receive when sharing their experiences with males in the hockey world, which is “It happens to guys too”.

Although this statement is true, Tera and Sarah discuss how it feels very dismissive and it glosses over the reality of females having different experiences in hockey than males do.

Even if similar things happen to men, the way women experience certain issues, like harassment, violence, body image pressure, is often shaped by systemic and cultural factors that affect them differently. Saying “it happens to guys too” glosses over those differences.

Also, even if it’s meant to be comforting or to show empathy, it can come off like you're saying it's not unique, not that big of a deal, she shouldn't be upset and she should just get over it.

It leaves women feeling as if women are given the choices of: 1) get over it and don’t validate their own feelings, 2) live with it and suck it up, 3) walk away from it, or 4) shove those feelings deep down inside and wait for them to explode!

Saying “It happens to guys too” also shifts the focus away from the female’s experience. She might be sharing something that’s difficult or vulnerable. Responding with “it happens to guys too” redirects the conversation to men’s experiences instead of staying present with her and listening to what she’s going through.

If you are a male and your thought is, “it happens to guys too”, please stop, rethink and listen.

If you have any questions or are interested in playing or coaching and you need a little extra support and encouragement, reach out to Tera and/or Sarah at TwoWomenWhoGiveaPuck@gmail.com. They're always here for you :)

Here is the article Sarah references:

Athletes step up to support Minnesota kid who was told girls can’t play football

Elena Easley goes viral in TikTok video about playing football | MPR News