Ten years of no physical intimacy.

That is where husband & wife, Jim & Willa, found themselves.

For 38 years of marriage, Willa described her husband as a "my way or the highway" kind of guy. And up until recently, Jim felt so frustrated and angry in his marriage that he wanted to leave.

They were sleeping in separate bedrooms, had busy lives, he left before she woke up just to avoid her most days.

Jim shared they literally hadn't touched in years.

--

Quote from a recent Coaching Program graduate:

"Week by week in this program, I've been taking an honest look at myself and owning the ways I've dropped the ball in our marriage. I've been working on making [my wife] feel safe, known, and cherished, and when things get tough, I've been fighting my old habit of pulling away by choosing to lean in instead.

I've been putting what I'm learning into practice—going from arguing almost every day to just a few times in the last six months, looking at my own heart first instead of blaming [my wife], and using the tools from MR so I'm not stuck feeling helpless when things aren't going well... I'm seeing real growth in how I love her and how we connect."

--

They did a marriage program. It was good information, but by the end, it didn't help.

Jim was at the end of his rope. He decided that he was ready to leave.

When Willa suggested Delight Your Marriage, he essentially said: "I'll try it, but if this doesn't work, that's the end."

What shocked him was the change that took place between the two of them week by week.

He had to be willing to feel silly and do something new. She had to be willing to slow down enough to focus on her highest priority human.

They both had to humble themselves, roll up their sleeves, and do the work.

And the Lord changed everything.

Now they're connecting, laughing, hugging, and yes, even intimacy. In just a couple of months, they're enjoying the best connection they've ever had in 38 years.

Maybe it's also been a decade for you of no physical intimacy.
Maybe it's been even longer.
Maybe you haven't laughed together in years.
Maybe you don't even like being in the same room together.

We want you to know that you are not alone, and God is still working.

Take this with you:
No one is too far gone for God.
No marriage is irredeemable.
And He can bring delight to your marriage.

Blessings,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS - Ready to take the next step in healing your marriage? Schedule a free Clarity Call today (before prices increase!)

PPS - Here is a quote from another recent Coaching program graduate:
"As I reflect back over this journey, I see how God has led me closer to Him. I have begun to understand what it means in Romans when Paul says; "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind….." Truly grasping the perspective that [my wife] is God's beautifully made daughter has changed everything for me. She is a blessing and a gift from the Lord….and my love for her today is so much greater than ever before... Thanks be to God for His abounding love. And thank you too Belah for your biblical passion, discernment, wisdom and courage to have this ministry."

You might be one who can work all day and feel great.

And maybe you struggle to take a vacation.

Maybe if you're really honest with yourself, you think productivity is next to godliness.

If you're like Brad and I -- that's us nodding our heads. We're just wired that way. That's not the end of the story...

But Brad had a mentor that wouldn't let go of him until he could see that drivenness is ruining his life.

Not the fact that he is driven (Brad didn't give that up), but the fact that he felt he wasn't enough unless he achieved X, Y, and Z.

Brad's marriage journey is pretty powerful and directly relates.

If Brad was more committed to his work than his wife -- she would feel betrayed. As many wives do who have this dynamic in their marriages.

Many out there sacrifice the possibility of peace and joy in their lives because they're too busy to notice the life Christ offers them.

God is sufficient.

God rested.

God delights in us -- you can delight in this world, and you can delight in those He intends for you to delight, your spouse and your children.

Let's abide in Him and learn from Brad as he shares these refreshing insights.

Find out more about Brad and his work with marriages in churches at gracemarriage.com

Blessings,

Belah

PS - Ready to take the next step in healing your marriage? Schedule a free Clarity Call today (before prices increase!)

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching program graduate:
"My contact with DYM has completely transformed my life. I was depressed, pessimistic, shackled by shame, and largely unaware of who I was and what effect I was having on my family.

Through the skills and habits I learned in DYM God has truly made me a new creation. I now look forward to each new day and have a deep, healing, life-giving relationship with God that has freed me from shame, depression, and self-loathing."

Today marks the day that God stooped so low to live a perfect life and die a gruesome sinner's death -- to save you. And save me.

Why?

Not because we were perfect.

Not because we could earn His love.

Who could earn that?

But because He decided we were worth it.

We aren't deserving of His sacrifice because we're so great -- it's because HE'S so great.

He's so good, kind, and gracious that He decided we were priceless to come and rescue.

And if you are priceless -- a prized treasure Jesus came to save...

Is your spouse?

If the answer is yes...

Are you treating your spouse like they are Jesus' prized treasure? Priceless in the eyes of the God of the Universe?

Do you believe they are?

In today's episode, I hope to remind you of how loved you are by the Lord.

And with that in mind, I hope you also remember how loved your spouse is.

May that encourage us to love each other better and with a fuller heart.

Blessings,

Belah

PS - Ready to take the next step in healing your marriage? Schedule a free Clarity Call today (before prices increase!)

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching program graduate:
"My contact with DYM has completely transformed my life. I was depressed, pessimistic, shackled by shame, and largely unaware of who I was and what effect I was having on my family.

Through the skills and habits I learned in DYM God has truly made me a new creation. I now look forward to each new day and have a deep, healing, life-giving relationship with God that has freed me from shame, depression, and self-loathing."

Become the man your wife respects and desires again—before prices increase
Book your Clarity Call now

--------------------------------------------

I'm speaking to a man who wants to fix things. He is not a whiner, complainer, or blamer. He's interested in taking responsibility and making things better. But if he's really honest with himself, sometimes he feels that his wife prioritizes the kids above him.

If you're in that category, I'd like to speak to you directly. You're right, it's not ok. This isn't a good dynamic. And if she's a Jesus-follower, it's also not biblical.

Ok.

Now that that's settled.

What do you do?

The thing you CAN control is yourself. You can update the lens by which you are evaluating the situation.

As a driven guy you know that if you do the same thing in business, you'll get the same results. But if you shift gears and do something else -- you'll see different results.

That's what I'm inviting you to do today. Shift gears. Try on a different set of lenses and see if God can change your marriage through you.

Let's go.

Here to see you win,

Belah

PS - Ready to take the next step in healing your marriage? Schedule a free Clarity Call today (before prices increase!): https://www.delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching program graduate:
"I was living in a repeating cycle of expecting sex, not being fulfilled by it because of her lack of desire for me, being angry at her for not trying to connect with me in the relationship, holding it in for as long as possible, then trying to "fix it" by talking to her about it or lashing out at her..[Now,] The biggest celebration I have had would be my change in perspective…I have learned that as a husband and father it is up to me to set the tone in our family. I am now living in God's purpose and design and the pieces around me are falling into place. Realizing that it's not what happens around me but how I see it and react to it has been the biggest blessing from this course."

I think all the wives will want their husbands to listen to this one.

Because I have the good fortune of working with men every (work) day and hearing their unfiltered thoughts about intimacy…

I can help you understand why your wife often rejects you.

One of the major truths is that it's SCARY to initiate sex with your wife.

So, you probably do…

But in general, it's a half-invested way, in hopes that her rejection won't feel so painful. Because from experience it has been rejected, even your best attempts.

Fast forward to today.

Now, because a husband's attempt at enticing his wife to make love is so "inadequate" for fear of rejection.

(Jfyi "inadequate" was the thesaurus's replacement for "lame" )

For this reason, the wife naturally would reject it.

But what if we took the fear out of this exchange entirely?

And your enticing her towards intimacy was filling for her and could even be successful!?

AND you're not full of fear.

Is that even possible?

I think with these insights, you will be well on your way.

to invite a wife–who is never in the mood–

to be in the mood!

[Original Release Date: October 8th, 2021]

PS - If you are interested in the Men's Masterclass previously mentioned in this podcast, we now have a Men's Foundations Course! Totally free and an incredible resource that has changed so many marriages. You can find more information HERE.

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching Program graduate:
Before MR, miscommunication and emotional distance were our normal. We argued often, and a deep sense of distrust had taken root, largely because I had failed to make our marriage a true priority...The ongoing conflict left me carrying a constant weight of guilt while doing ministry on campus, knowing things at home were not going well...[After MR], I've come to realize that the problem began with me and was fueled by my own selfishness...Shifting from arguing nearly every day—or at least every other day—to having only a handful of disagreements in the past six months has brought a new sense of stability and peace to our home...I now feel equipped with the tools to continue moving our marriage forward.

[Belah here - AI was not used to draft or write this description]

Belah

[Belah here - AI was not used to draft or write this description]

Sometimes I have been asked if I, as a woman, should be teaching men. When it comes up, I really appreciate that question because it shows a level of maturity and commitment to scripture.

The truth is, I never intended to be coaching or training men. That, in fact, is something I was against, at first. I intended to just follow Titus 2 by inviting women to learn to love their husbands well.

As I wrote the book and started the podcast and coaching women with this end in mind, men started reaching out to me. It was kind of uncomfortable at first.

I didn't know what to do with it. They were asking how they could get their wife to listen to my material. "I have no idea. That's on you." I wasn't cold-hearted, I just didn't think it was prudent.

Well, I was speaking to my husband, and he felt like it would be ok to speak to some of them via email or possibly a phone call, just so I could understand.

And when I did, I could tell "wow, now I see why she is rejecting". And not only that, I could see that she was really suffering too.

So with prayer and wise counsel and the blessing of my husband, I went for it and tried a pilot coaching program for men. Amazingly, every single man got amazing results (even though only 1 went through the course -- and she didn't know he did it!)

Glory to God. From there, we've tweaked and updated and, by God's grace, are at a place where God is doing miracle after miracle here.

Would love you to hear Aaron's story of the pursuit of God's way in his marriage. As a pastor, he likely had to grapple with this question -- is it ok to be trained by a woman in this topic? And he decided the answer should be yes. You're welcome to check out our convictions surrounding Women in Leadership, here. And the Lord worked in his heart and in his marriage -- even though only he did the work.

We are so excited to share his story with you!

Would love to work with you too! delightyourmarriage.com/cc for next steps.

To read an AI generated summary, click here.

Belah

[Belah here - AI was not used to draft or write this description]

I have grown in my journey of processing pain. But I still slip up.

Today, I want to share with you a recent insight I've received on what I still need God's help to work through.

I hope we can walk together, looking at our Savior, first and foremost to discover His purposes for our suffering.

Your suffering matters.

It matters to God.

It matters in His will.

There is comfort in knowing He has a purpose for it.

I'd love to share what God is teaching me through His word and what I hope will be encouraging for you in your story.

Let us be open to being guided by His Word first and foremost. Let us see His correction as His kindness that leads us to repentence because He is so, so good.

To read an AI generated summary, click here.

Love & sincere prayers for you my precious listeners,

Belah

PS - Quote from a recent graduate:

After being celibate almost a decade, they are now intimate regularly and both are thrilled!

Wife: "Overall I'm crazy about the DYM system and process. It worked for us like nothing else did in our 38 years of marriage."

Husband: "I have learned that God is more important than sex. And sex isn't a reward for doing what I should be doing any way"

Mic drop. :)

Would love to invite you to be part of the journey! delightyourmarriage.com/cc to learn more.