Why does saying no make your heart race?

Why can honesty feel like risk?

This episode explores what happens when boundaries stir up the old fear of losing love. Paul learns how a simple process check can bring kindness to endings, while Jereme discovers how early lessons about punishment and approval still shape her adult relationships.

If self-advocacy makes you anxious, this conversation will help you find truth and tenderness in the same breath.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on one of our live calls
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In this week's conversation, Vanessa brings forward the pain of a friendship that feels increasingly one-sided. Together, we explore the difference between situational limits and structural limits in relationships, how to trust the “data” we receive when others shut down, and the grief that comes with realizing we may be doing too much emotional labor.

We explore how to discern when to keep engaging, when to step back, and how to communicate desires for mutuality without blame. We also look at why some people can talk the talk of empathy yet still struggle to walk it in relationships. And, how to honor our own boundaries when reciprocity is missing.

Listener Takeaways

•Learn how to interpret someone’s emotional shutdowns as information about capacity rather than a reflection on your delivery.

•Recognize the signs of over-functioning in friendships and how to stop carrying all the emotional labor.

•Practice asking direct but compassionate questions that clarify whether mutuality is truly present.

•Understand the developmental stages of NVC practice and why some people can use the tools for their own needs but not yet offer reciprocity.

•Embrace grief as a necessary step when relationships aren’t mutual, while keeping your heart open to future possibilities.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

When Nancy learned that her niece had removed a single sentence from a family speech, one that acknowledged Nancy’s marriage and presence, it triggered a wave of old pain. What may seem like a small omission unearthed decades of erasure, advocacy, and exhaustion.

In this deeply moving conversation, we explore how one personal moment of being edited out becomes a microcosm of much larger cultural shifts. As stories of marginalized people are quietly removed from government websites, training programs, and public institutions, Nancy’s family moment reflects a collective trend: what gets remembered, and what gets deleted, is never neutral.

Together, we navigate the emotional toll of invisibility, the weight of lifelong advocacy, and the tender discernment it takes to speak up with care. Whether you’ve been left out of the story, or left someone else out, this episode offers a powerful invitation to return ourselves, and each other, to the circle.

Listener Takeaways:

•Erasure may not be loud,but it’s deeply impactful. Small omissions can reactivate deep emotional wounds, especially for those historically marginalized.

•Silence isn’t neutral. Bystanders and witnesses have power, too. A lack of acknowledgment can deepen the harm.

•Discernment is key. Speaking up doesn’t always mean confronting the whole crowd. Often, one honest conversation is what opens the door to healing.

•Advocacy fatigue is real. Especially for elders who’ve carried this work for decades. There’s wisdom in knowing how to keep showing up in ways that preserve your energy and dignity.

•Returning non-love with love is an act of sovereignty. It’s not about people-pleasing: it’s about transforming disconnection into care without abandoning yourself.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on one of our live calls
• Check out my YouTube page

What do you do when someone corrects you publicly, and their tone stings more than their words?

In this episode, Tarjia brings a deeply relatable dilemma: how to respond in the moment when someone interrupts, “clarifies,” or subtly shames you, especially when it’s someone in a leadership role. Together, we explore real-time language tools, nervous system regulation strategies, and relational repair practices.

This isn’t just about one group dynamic or one conversation: it’s about how to reclaim your voice when subtle power moves leave you feeling dismissed, small, or confused.

Whether you’ve ever felt stung by someone’s tone, shut down by an interruption, or unsure how to set boundaries without creating more conflict, this episode is for you.

SHOW NOTES

In this episode, we explore:

•What to say in the moment when someone interrupts or corrects you

•How to distinguish between your wise adult self and reactive younger parts

•Why certain tones of voice can feel shaming, even when the content seems neutral

•How to use the It sounds like… is that true? tool to re-center and clarify

•What to do when someone flips your feedback back onto you (that’s your issue)

•How to stay grounded in your dignity even when someone steps into a one-up position

•The emotional cost of always trying to care for others at your own expense

•What it really means to slow down for your most tender parts

Bonus: We also walk through a sample script for initiating a repair conversation without blame, without defensiveness, and without abandoning yourself.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on one of our live calls
• Check out my YouTube page

What do we do when the person who raised us is now emotionally volatile, resistant to help, and unintentionally casting us as the villain when we try to care for them?

In this heartfelt conversation, Diana brings forward the tender, painful challenge of loving her aging mother, who struggles with emotional regulation, trauma, and shame, and the deep inner conflict between wanting to offer support and needing to protect her own nervous system.

Together, we unpack:

•The emotional cost of parentification and role reversal

•How to stop being your parent’s regulator, therapist, or emotional manager

•What boundaries look like when withdrawal isn’t abandonment

•The grief and guilt that emerge when we start living our own lives

•Why “staying kind” sometimes means stepping away

If you’ve ever struggled with guilt around setting boundaries, or felt trapped between compassion and exhaustion in your family, this one’s for you.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on one of our live calls
• Check out my YouTube page

In this episode, Sarah brings a heartfelt and tender question: How do I talk to a friend who shifts from playful connection to subtle moralizing which often causes me to feel infantilized and shut down?

What follows is a rich, layered exploration of how covert control and unconscious superiority can sneak into even our most well-meaning relationships. We unpack the difference between tone-setting and mutual consent, how to reclaim subjectivity without blame, and the deep emotional wound that gets poked when others make decisions for us instead of with us.

And yes, it all begins with chocolate.

Listener Takeaways:

•Why “I just wanted more chocolate” can be code for “I want to matter”

•How to recognize internalized domination programming in ourselves and others

•How to speak up when someone imposes their worldview or preferences on the group

•Practical scripts for initiating a non-defensive, heart-connected conversation about painful dynamics

•How to share emotional vulnerability without over-exposing or collapsing

•Why self-revealing without moralizing is a powerful act of liberation

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on one of our live calls
• Check out my YouTube page

What do you do when every conversation with a parent leaves you feeling erased, criticized, or shut down, but walking away feels like betrayal?

In this raw and tender coaching session, we meet Suzanne, who’s struggling to navigate contact with her mother: a woman who routinely gaslights her, shuts down difficult topics, and prioritizes her own emotional comfort over honest connection. Suzanne wants to be seen. She also wants to stay safe. And in her family, those two things feel mutually exclusive.

We explore:

•The heartbreak of being unseen by a parent you still long to connect with.

•The nervous system impact of childhood emotional silencing, and why it still flares in adulthood.

•How to say “I don’t feel safe talking right now” without guilt.

•What to do when someone turns your feelings into personal attacks.

•And how to develop scripts that mirror instead of merge, so you can stay true to yourself in hard conversations.

If you’ve ever felt trapped in a role that doesn’t fit, or stuck in a pattern that leaves you numb, enraged, or ashamed, this one’s for you.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on one of our live calls
• Check out my YouTube page

In this intimate coaching conversation, Colleen brings a familiar dilemma: her husband drives too fast for her nervous system to handle. She doesn’t want to control him, but she does want to feel safe. Together, we unpack how to name her limits without moralizing, how to invite collaboration instead of compliance, and how to speak from care rather than critique.

Key Takeaways for Listeners:

•Boundaries are not about controlling others. They’re about naming what you are or are not available for.

•To foster buy-in, shift from You’re wrong to This doesn’t work for my nervous system.

•Compassionate communication can include honest judgments, especially when they arise from fear and care.

•Sharing your vulnerabilities can diffuse tension and build understanding faster than logic or critique.

•Collaborative planning (in calm moments) is often more effective than reactive correction (in hot moments).

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on one of our live calls
• Check out my YouTube page