In this episode, I spiral from Billie Eilish creep vibes into Lady Gaga’s satanic mermaid phase, Marilyn Manson kids who now inspect your buildings, and Johnny Depp becoming a pirate in real life. Then it’s Mountain Dew, steroid-jacked 80s action stars, chemtrails, and why today’s kids need to throw down their phones and pick up sticks. I also share lunch with my Mexican buddies talking cartels, gush about Gushers, and admit to eating my son’s candy in the name of teaching him to share.

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I cut a prehistoric snapping turtle loose on a Nebraska river. From there I spiral into: animals that would never shut up if they could talk, hitting 42 years old, a gas station prophet who thinks women “got too big for their britches,” parades where they set candy down instead of throwing it, and skinny dudes blasting rap on electric bikes. Somewhere in there I also solve politics while eating Runza fries in a Burger King drive-thru.

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From childhood dreams of becoming a sax-playing clogger, to dodging Juggalos and their hatchets, to revisiting the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie (so sweaty).

Pontificating about David Goggins’ fit alien skull, question if Axl Rose stole his voice fluctuation from Janis Joplin, admit I wanted autism after watching The Accountant 2, and fully declare my hatred for Star Wars.

Also featuring: Marc Maron as “Great Grandpa Standup,” AI ripping off musicians, and why America is now too fat to fit through its own doors.

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In this episode, I roast Shapiro’s cadence, share my wife’s brutal (and accurate) Will Ferrell comparison, and spiral into the insanity of reality TV—The Biggest Loser nearly killing contestants, Donald Trump’s Apprentice transformation, and treasure hunters blowing up boulders for nothing.

Somewhere between laughing at the absurdity of human desperation and ranting about phone etiquette, I manage to stumble on baby-oiled P. Diddy supporters, turning 42, and why my nipples just need to breathe.

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Strap in—this episode goes from zero to apocalyptic in record time. I rant about why I refuse to turn my car off at the gas pump, and confess the tragic reality of my delicate little candy nipples that won’t let me run in winter.

From there, we spiral into Facebook algorithm hacks, Elon Musk being an alien robot overlord, why I’d have killed E.T. with butter knives in the 80s, and the horrifying rise of sex robots and AI Barbies that must be burned before they enslave your children.

And just when you think we’ve hit rock bottom, we dive into the Puff Demon himself—P. Diddy—as the ultimate supervillain of New York.

It’s absurd. It’s unfiltered.

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