Austin stumbles into this episode like a man who just carried 186 sheets of drywall through a Nebraska windstorm and found out Campbell’s Soup is now made with friendly Frankenstein meat. From there, it only gets dumber and more apocalyptic.

We hit everything: the Campbell’s CEO admitting their soup is basically for “poor people,” Andy Warhol’s creepy soup-can fetish paintings going for $30 million, and why the hell every comedian you’ve ever heard of accidentally became a Saudi ambassador. Austin breaks down how the Crown Prince played American comics like fiddles, why nobody who cashed a $1.5 million check can talk trash now, and how Rush Hour 4 might exist only because a dictator sat on Trump’s lap and asked nicely.

Also: turkey inflation, bioengineered brisket brewed like IPA, Putin calendars, and the annual tradition of trying to enjoy Thanksgiving.

It’s chaos. It’s catharsis. It’s Thanksgiving.

And Austin is thankful for YOU.

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Buddy… this episode comes in hot like a pot-bellied pig doing a prison break.

Austin wakes up inside a Stephen King weather system—fog so thick you can’t see your own regrets—then slides straight into stories of hogs plotting their great escape, the Menards Drywall Olympics, and the spiritual power of King Louie scatting from The Jungle Book.

But that’s just the warm-up.

Because then—God help us all—we dive into the real madness: a woman who divorced her husband and married ChatGPT. Austin reads the article and slowly loses faith in humanity in real time, like watching a church pew catch fire during worship.

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Welcome back to The Austin Anderson Show, where it’s Monday, I’m already emotionally winded, and Thanksgiving is creeping up on us like an aunt who hugs too long and smells like boneless ham. Today’s episode is a full-blown holiday fever dream: green bean casserole theology, stuffing economics, the weather in Nebraska doing cocaine-level mood swings, and my sad little midlife crisis on a flag football field where my leg bones felt like fossilized wood.

I talk about aging, David Goggins’ alien skull, a Reddit kid who studied himself into oblivion, and was given the most deranged advice since “have you tried relaxing?” Then we spiral right into the financial despair gripping America—because nothing says Thanksgiving like realizing we’re all broke, exhausted, and two steps away from selling chiclets on the side of the road.

It’s funny, it’s chaotic, and painfully real.

New episode tomorrow at 10 a.m.

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