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The Four Horsemen of relationship doom—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—can predict relationship failure when they become dominant patterns between partners. We explore these destructive behaviors and why contempt may be the most dangerous, creating a filter where everything your partner does becomes irritating.

• Contempt is particularly destructive as it creates a negative lens through which you view your partner
• Experiencing the Four Horsemen occasionally doesn't doom a relationship—living in these patterns does
• The "cat syndrome" describes wanting attention then rejecting it when received
• Bids for affection are small requests for connection that need proper responses
• Rejection of affection bids can feel deeply personal when not communicated properly
• The foundation of healthy relationships is always clear, direct communication
• Partners can't read minds—articulating needs prevents misunderstandings and hurt feelings

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