Anxious Mugs, Rodeo Debacles, and Camouflaged Vans: Your Dose of Bizarre News
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Anxious Mugs, Rodeo Debacles, and Camouflaged Vans: Your Dose of Bizarre News
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About this listen
If you woke up today worried about tariffs, wildfires, or the price of eggs, you can hit the snooze button on those thoughts, because I bring you the kind of news you absolutely do not need to know, and probably won’t even believe is true. Welcome to the world of bizarre updates, where the only thing more unnecessary than the news itself might be the fact that you’re about to hear it.
You could be sitting at your desk, sipping coffee, wondering why the mug seems to have developed a deeply concerned expression. That’s right: in the unpredictable universe of July 2025, there are mugs out there looking more anxious than the average commuter on a Monday morning. If you think I’m making this up, I am not—someone, somewhere, started their day with a cup of joe so disturbed, it looked like it had just read the headlines about the latest trade war. It must have heard about President Trump threatening to slap a thirty percent tariff on both Mexico and the European Union, which is officially filed under “bizarre nonsense” by at least one news outlet, and probably, by every economist with a pulse.
But let’s not linger there, because today’s unnecessary weirdness stretches far beyond global economics. In the last 24 hours, families attending the Calgary Stampede—think of it as the Super Bowl of cowboy hats—were faced with both overcrowding and the kind of safety warnings usually reserved for running with the bulls or early Amazon Prime Day sales. And let’s not forget the animal rights activists who turned the final day into a showdown between humans, horses, and one extremely unlucky animal in the eighth heat, which, after consulting a veterinarian, earned the grim title of “most humane thing to do.” Nothing says summer fun like existential debates about rodeo ethics.
Meanwhile, a van with what can only be described as “interesting camouflage print” was spotted prowling the suburban wilds. I’ve seen stealthy vehicles before but this one looked like it was trying to blend in at a lawn flamingo convention. No word yet on what it was hiding from—with luck, not a pack of feral two-year-olds, who, by the way, are apparently producing modern art so avant-garde it makes Jackson Pollock look like he colored inside the lines.
If you’re still following, let’s fly across the pond to London, where a small plane’s tailpipe caught fire at the airport gate. This prompted a swift evacuation, not because of the fire itself—which was actually handled impressively by the onboard system—but because air travel these days is just a choose-your-own-disaster adventure. Fifty passengers got to exit via airplane slides, making this perhaps the most exciting layover anyone’s had since the invention of overpriced duty-free Toblerones.
So, next time you find yourself panicking about the news, remember: there is always something far stranger unfolding behind the scenes. If your coffee looks worried, your mug has every reason. If your kid brings home “art” that appears to be the result of a finger-painting accident at a rodeo, know that you are living in times where weirdness is not only common, it’s unavoidable. And really, while you didn’t need any of this information, you’re now just a little bit more prepared for the next time someone asks, “What’s new?” Try this answer: “Apparently, everything and nothing, and somewhere, a coffee mug is as alarmed as I am.”
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