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58. Raising Boys Who Won't Become Emotionally Shut-Down Men

58. Raising Boys Who Won't Become Emotionally Shut-Down Men

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 Ever wondered why your son seems to shut down emotionally right when you're trying to help him process his feelings?What if I told you that the cultural messages about masculinity start affecting our boys as early as age four or five—and that most parents are completely unaware of how deeply these harmful expectations have already taken root?My guest, Dr. Daniel Ellenberg, completely shifted my understanding of raising emotionally healthy boys during our powerful conversation. As founder of Strength with Heart men's groups and former president of the American Psychological Association's division on men and masculinities, Daniel has spent over 40 years helping men and boys connect with their full emotional range.In this eye-opening interview, Daniel reveals how we can raise more compassionate and vulnerable boys while changing the culture of masculinity from within our own homes.You'll discover:* Why boys as young as five start getting shamed for showing vulnerability—and how one father beautifully responded when his son was called a girl at school* The crucial difference between "strength with no heart" and "strength with heart"—and why both extremes harm our boys* Why Daniel believes the term "toxic masculinity" is actually harmful messaging that makes boys feel attacked for their identity* How parents often unknowingly trigger their own unresolved emotions when their sons show vulnerability* The importance of genuine curiosity over criticism when connecting with your teen—specific scripts included* Why community building among parents is essential for counteracting harmful cultural influences* How to monitor content consumption without becoming the "screen police"* Practical ways to help boys understand and express anger without shaming them or encouraging aggressionDaniel vulnerably shares his own insights about how parents need to do their own emotional work first, because "the best thing you can do as a parent is to be healthy." He reminds us that modeling vulnerability takes courage, but it's actually a pathway to deeper connection—not weakness.Most importantly, he challenges the false choice between being "tough" or being "gentle," showing us how our boys can embody both strength and heart in an integrated way.Ready to help your son embrace his full emotional range while building genuine confidence? This conversation will give you the tools to support him in becoming the kind of man the world desperately needs.Before we wrap up, I want to share something with you. Just last week, a mom in my community told me, "Dajana, I used to dread bedtime because I knew it would end in a battle. Now my daughter actually asks for our connection time together." What changed? She stopped trying to manage her child's emotions and started learning to regulate her own first. If you're tired of feeling triggered by your child's big emotions and want to create the calm, connected home you've been dreaming of, I'm starting a small group where we'll work through Dr. Laura Markham's Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook together over 6 weeks. Just 8 spots available, and I'll be there to guide you through every step. You can find all the details at https://www.delightinparenting.com/workbook-group. Your child is waiting for you to show up differently—this is how you learn to do it.To learn more about Dr. Daniel Ellenberg's work: Global Compassion Coalition: https://globalcompassioncoalition.org Men and Boys Compassion Coalition Rewire Leadership: https://rewireleadership.comConnect with Dajana YoakleyDelight in ParentingStep #1 — Get the 3 Steps to Reset Your Nervous System FREE Guide or book a FREE 20 minute consult.https://www.delightinparenting.comhttps://www.delightinparenting.com/book-onlineStep #2 — Learn More about my signature online course: “Raising a Resilient Child”. https://www.delightinparenting.com/courseStep #3 — Connect With The Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/delightinparentingfreeStep #4- Follow me on Social Media:https://www.instagram.com/delightinparenting/https://www.facebook.com/delightinparentingcoaching/https://www.youtube.com/@DelightinParentinghttps://www.linkedin.com/in/delightinparenting/ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit delightinparenting.substack.com/subscribe
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