A few good nuggets

What did you like best about Your Self-Confident Baby? What did you like least?

As with all parenting books, this one will be a bible for some and for others will be totally worthless. I fall somewhere in the middle. I appreciate Gerber's philosophy from a high level, that babies are competent learners and parents should be there to support their children, not dictate every minute of their lives, however I found myself becoming incensed at some of the more practical advice she gives. I would have preferred more references to scientific studies to support her theories, since I got the distinct impression that her training was more of the "on the job" variety. I might recommend this book to other parents, but I would caveat by saying that this is just one woman's opinion, and not to take her word as gospel.

What was the most interesting aspect of this story? The least interesting?

The idea that newborns, infants, and toddlers are worthy of respect and should be treated as capable individuals is one I can get behind. What I really didn't like is Gerber's implication that parents should adjust virtually all aspects of their lives in order to accommodate their children's needs. She states that parents should, whenever remotely possible, reorganize their lives so that one parent can stay home with the child, and that the first two and a half years of a child's life should be spent mainly at home. I almost stopped listening when I heard these things. Children are meant to be in the world surrounded by a variety of people, and the assertion that they will suffer by being out and about is preposterous.

Was Your Self-Confident Baby worth the listening time?

Probably not. I disagreed with at least half of what Gerber promotes and what I did agree with I had already incorporated into my parenting style. Dr. Sears' The Baby Book was a much better reference for me.

11 people found this helpful

Informative

I enjoyed this book. I think the best thing I took back was that we aren't supposed to consistently put our child on a pedestal and tell them how they can do and accomplish anything, or go on and on about how wonderful they are (in front of them anyway). It is educating them that with hard work and effort, you can achieve great things and succeed in many areas. And to remind your child when you do praise them that their accomplishment was indeed the result of hard work!
Also I enjoyed hearing about interacting with your child and how to appropriately speak with and to them.

4 people found this helpful

Sooooo good

Every parent should use this book as a reference. Timeless and sooo good!!!
The voice and the examples given are pertinent and this book is a great overview of every challenges a parent will most likely go through from newborn to toddler age.

1 person found this helpful

All the unwanted parenting advice in one book

Would you try another book from Magda Gerber and Allison Johnson and/or Lauri Fraser?

no

Any additional comments?

This book contains a collection of unsolicited advice that new parents constantly get bombarded with and many times try to avoid. It was written by someone who hasn't had a baby of their own in a while, and the narrator's elderly nanny type voice fits.
If you want a book of opinions, this is the one for you. Or, you could just call your mother in law and save some money.
That said, she did make some points I agree with, such as giving your baby respect like any other human being. Perhaps my definition of respect as far as babies go differs from hers, I do strongly agree with it. I definitely agree that you shouldn't surprise you baby by picking him/her up for example from coming up behind the baby. I let my child know before I pick him up. And I respect his body, if he doesn't want me to play with his hair, I won't. I think the author more aligns her definition of respect for babies similarly to respect for adults.
Along with small trinkets of good advice are tons of irrelevant random bits, such as, don't pat your baby on the back because the author is of the opinion the baby doesn't like it. The author seems to want the parents to question their natural parenting instincts and adapt the authors outdated advice with no or little grounding.
I believe babies cry sometimes because they want to be comforted and you as a parent, within reason, shouldn't feel like it's wrong to help.
I believe babies need constant verbal interaction but you shouldn't feel like you're doing something wrong if you forgot to tell the baby that you are about to kiss him/her goodnight. As a really young infant, it probably doesn't matter what you say, as long as you talk to him/her regularly.
One thing I really disagreed with was the advice to tell your baby you're putting the baby down so the parent can rest because the parent is tired. What if you don't rest, or you're not even tired? Did you just lie? What if you do the dishes instead? I put my baby down so my baby can rest. As a parent, it is not fair for my children if I depend on them. They need to depend on me, but not the other way around. The baby doesn't sleep because I NEED him/her to sleep. The baby sleeps because the baby needs to sleep.
If this book is works for you and your parenting style, that's great. This book and I did not mesh well. I have read many parenting books and this is my least favorite.
That said, I couldn't finish it. I got several hours in, but had to put it down as I was getting annoyed with a lot of things she said as a self-proclaimed expert. I'm sure there's more valuable advice in the book that I'll never get to because I was tired of weeding it out.

8 people found this helpful

Must read for parents to be or already started!

In my mind this is not a philosophy - but a system - and there is a critical difference. The philosophy that directs my system of values is one that is pro individual, pro freedom, pro rational thinking, pro self-esteem, etc... but without accepting coercion or violence against others. As such, this system is very in line with that philosophy - but, as it is not based on this philosophy, there were a couple of points where I felt like this system became contradictory. But, even so, it is a minor set of issues that surely does not invalidate the system. In comparison to many approaches, this one is very close to those philosophical goals (which are very summarized). The one example that stuck out to me - is when she goes over how to handle a baby with a toy, when another baby comes and tries (and eventually does) take the toy away from the baby that had it in the first place. Her summary approach is to take the path of least resistance. In her scenario, she more or less suggests narrating to the babies what they are doing. She does suggest stopping the first baby from hitting the second baby, but does not suggest stopping the second baby from trying to take the toy from the first. At one point she asks the second baby if it would like to play with another similar toy on the shelf to the one they are fighting over - but the baby ends up trying harder and succeeds in taking the toy. At which point she simply narrates to the first baby what happened. And then it ends nicely when the second baby gives the toy back and now all is happy again. I do not think it philosophical to effectively teach the first baby that it is not allowed to defend itself against aggression. Not only that, but that the authorities will not defend your rights to you property - and will simply allow then to take it. This also teaches the second baby that there are no consequences, or that it is ok, to take from others. This does not seem like path of least resistance to the first baby! Granted, at such a young age, they may not get it. But by repeated the proper approach - they will learn in time - and being rationally consistent matters. Again, though - this is one of very few contradictions or flaws I see in this system. Having a proper philosophical understanding is important and can allow analysis of a system like this for truly philosophical errors so I recommend an Objectivist philosophical study as well. That and this system pair nicely. I suggest reading the books: A Theory of Objectivist Parenting by Roslyn Ross and Teaching Johnny to Think by Leonard Peikoff - for more to think about and to gain more depth in a real philosophy that can be the basis behind these ideas. I do consider this a great source, please do not let these criticisms overwhelm. This is the basis of the 4 start rating - as I don't think there is a full philosophical study behind this system - allowing for these minor flaws to creep in - but it is still so good that 4 starts is justified - and if I could - 4.5 stars!

Good source of advice

I will be honest and say that at first this book was really hard to get through. Some sections of the book can sound very clinical but overall the book offers some very good advice. Even though I don't agree with everything they write about the book gives several subjects to think about.

Great Principles for Parenting

So much useful information for raising a decent human being. There is a very small part of the book that touches on sleep training, which I don’t necessarily agree with, but the rest of the information was great. Narration was good too. I would definitely recommend this book.

good info but too much of a sales pitch throughout

Good info but too much of a sales pitch throughout. I would recommend this book to friends

This is my how to manual for being a better father.

I discovered this book as a result of feeling lost in the job of taking care of a one year-old full-time. I have found that Magda Gerber’s RIE approach to parenting has become the foundation for my life with my daughter. As I incorporated the advice and techniques my job has gotten easier, more fun, less stressful and more rewarding. The only downside is that I now have a hard time not bragging about how wonderful and satisfying being a parent is.

Wonderful practical guidance on teaching and disciplining for babies!

I liked this book very much. It not only gives you theories but also gives you real life examples of children's behavior and how to deal with it in the best of ways. I would recommend it it to anyone looking for guidance on how to teach and discipline their kids.