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We Are Pirates

By: Daniel Handler
Narrated by: Jonathan Todd Ross
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Publisher's Summary

Mega-best-selling author Daniel Handler (aka Lemony Snicket) gives us his long-awaited new novel for adult listeners: a dark, rollicking, stunningly entertaining human comedy.

A boat has gone missing. Goods have been stolen. There is blood in the water. It is the 21st century and a crew of pirates is terrorizing the San Francisco Bay. Phil is a husband, a father, a struggling radio producer, and the owner of a large condo with a view of the water. But he'd like to be a rebel and a fortune hunter. Gwen is his daughter. She's 14. She's a student, a swimmer, and a best friend. But she'd like to be an adventurer and an outlaw. Phil teams up with his young, attractive assistant. They head for the open road, attending a conference to seal a deal. Gwen teams up with a new, fierce friend and some restless souls. They head for the open sea, stealing a boat to hunt for treasure. We Are Pirates is a novel about our desperate searches for happiness and freedom, about our wild journeys beyond the boundaries of our ordinary lives. Also, it's about a teenage girl who pulls together a ragtag crew to commit mayhem in the San Francisco Bay, while her hapless father tries to get her home.

©2015 Daniel Handler (P)2014 Audible Inc.

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Not what it says in the summary

Handler is no Snicket, and this dirge has no comedic value.
This is at best a half-written study of unlikable characters, none of whom have successfully transitioned from self-centred childhood to well-rounded adulthood. A story can survive one or two such characters - but when the entire ensemble race for the darker corners of the author's psyche, the result is unpleasant or worse.
Handler trundles into the realms of teenage mental illness, graphic violence, purposeless infidelity, and (whilst he is too coy to allow certainty on this) rape - without offering his characters any redemption beyond "getting away with murder".
The story arc follows a descent into darkness. And stays there.
J T Ross does very well to lift the narrative as far as he does - I was able to listen to the end only because his voice and presentation was so good. However there was little he could do with Handler's bolt-on blobs of mass-produced would-be idiosyncrasy than simply deliver them deadpan "as was the style at that time".
I waited several months before writing this review - the time has only served to confirm that I should seek a refund of the purchase price. Sadly I don't think I can be reimbursed the hours I lost to this twaddle.

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