The Velvet Rage cover art

The Velvet Rage

Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World

 Preview
Try Premium Plus free
1 credit a month to buy any audiobook in our entire collection.
Access to thousands of additional audiobooks and Originals from the Plus Catalogue.
Member-only deals & discounts.
Auto-renews at $16.45/mo after 30 days. Cancel anytime.

The Velvet Rage

By: Alan Downs Ph. D
Narrated by: Alan Downs Ph. D
Try Premium Plus free

$16.45 per month after 30 days. Cancel anytime.

Buy Now for $23.99

Buy Now for $23.99

About this listen

The most important issue in a gay man’s life is not “coming out”, but coming to terms with the invalidating past. Despite the progress made in recent years, many gay men still wonder, “Are we better off?” The byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, rejection, and anger - a toxic cocktail that can lead to drug abuse, promiscuity, alcoholism, depression, and suicide.

Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author’s own journey, and the stories of many of his friends and clients, Velvet Rage addresses the myth of gay pride and outlines three stages to emotional well-being for gay men. The revised and expanded edition covers issues related to gay marriage, a broader range of examples that extend beyond middle-class gay men in America, and expansion of the original discussion on living authentically as a gay man.

©2005, 2006, 2012 Alan Downs (P)2012 HighBridge Company Gay Studies Gender Studies LGBTQ+ Studies Social Sciences Rage Mental Health Inspiring Substance abuse
All stars
Most relevant  
I listened to this because I am trying to be an active and knowledgeable LGBTI+ Ally but what I actually got from this was much more. I gained some insight into hardships gay men face that I don't but I also gained insight into myself. I don't think any person could listen to this and not be struck by how similar our problems are no matter how we identify and honestly I look around me and see so many others struggling with their journey to find their authentic selves. Worth a listen for sure.

Relationships and Passion

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Growing up in the 2000’s without many queer role models was tough.. This book answered so many questions I had about why I am the way I am, and asked tough questions of me that I thought deeply about.
Years later, the world can still be quite homophobic but at least I’m ok enough with being myself and absolutely living as authentically as I can.
More books like this are needed and a wider conversation needs to continue.

Finally, questions answered..

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
I found this book to be a helpful roadmap for self actualisation as a gay man. It gave me insights into my own experiences and observations of gay culture and provided me with a sense of hope as well as understanding for how to live my life to the fullest. I have been recommending this book to all of my gay friends!

An incredible read

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
What an incredible book, every gay man should read or listen to this at least once. Thank you Dr Alan for your help in giving language to the experiences of gay life.

Inspiring

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
If I could give this book 100 stars I would. It is a must read for every gay man, their friends and families. Life changing.

Incredible

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
This book changed my life. I was recommended this book by my partner who constantly quotes it and used to drive me crazy with the quotes. Now I see why. Alan is incredibly honest and genuine, every word he wrote is very relatable. I’ll be honest in the beginning it was a bit hard to swallow, but when I looked back I placed the real me into this book and learned it’s not wrong but just things that are blocking me from being happy. It is possible to be happy, and this book did not only help with that but inspired me to spread it.

I would recommend this book to any gay boy, or family member or friend of a gay boy. It doesn’t matter if you are gay or straight this book will open your eyes to the world day boys grow up in. The struggle is real. And that’s the t.

Thank you Alan.

Stage 2 going on 3 soon I hope

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
emotional, self relatable at times, definitely makes you think. can be a bit reductant as its point out everything comes out of shame, but still a great book!

a gay man's must read

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
This will resonate with most gay men, particularly of my generation (I was born in the 60’s) but for many others as well.
It was a gift for me and I will be forever grateful.

It is a gift for the gay man

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Amazing book on gay men emotional stages and growth. If you ever wondered why we, gay men, are the way we are, there are some good insights here.

Must read for Gay Men

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
This is one of the most important books I have ever read (or listened to). I’m a gay man and I have never felt my frustrations, struggles and pain to be so well understood and articulated as they are by this author. It is a brief but detailed tour through the psyche of gay men, into the core of shame, its roots and its impacts, and with love and great dignity, it gently lights the way out. I can’t think of anybody who wouldn’t benefit from reading this, even those who will surely complain about its generalisations. It unravelled me and has taught me how to put myself back together, in my own vision.

A must read

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
See more reviews
In the spirit of reconciliation, Audible acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.