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Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
Narrated by: Ramani Durvasula PhD
Length: 10 hrs and 46 mins
4.5 out of 5 stars (29 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

Do you feel like you are talking and talking, and your partner is never listening?

Do you feel like you keep saying the same thing over and over again?

Does your partner make promises, only to break or betray your trust repeatedly?

Is your partner controlling or just plain mean?

Have you read every relationship book out there, practiced your communication skills, and still feel unheard or neglected?

Are you done with second chances?

Should you stay or should you go?

We live in a world of romance and rescue - where everyone believes love will conquer all, and the more we put up with, the more loving we are being. It doesn't work that way. Sometimes we choose mean people, and before long we are in so deep, we don't know whether we are coming or going. One day you want to fight harder, and the next day you are ready to pack it in, and the next day you want to fight harder.

Should I Stay or Should I Go? is a survival manual, a guidebook, and a shot of reality. Some people will never change, and kissing frogs is the stuff of fairy tales, not real life. The Beast never turns out to be a nice guy (or gal). This is a book that breaks down what mean people do to us, how they do it, and what we can do to survive.

©2015 Post Hill Press (P)2015 Post Hill Press

What listeners say about Should I Stay or Should I Go?

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One of the best relationship books!

This relationship book touches on a subject that others don't. Narcissism. If you or anyone you know has experienced a narcissist and need help, this is the book for you. Well written and well narrated.

1 person found this helpful

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Excellent book with great ideas on how to manage

This book has taught me so much about what has been happening in relationships like this and how ppl can actually work through staying or going. It is very insightful engaging and takes you on a journey that truly helps you to see how these dynamics manifest in the day today and year to year existence of being in one of these relationships. Doctor Ramani is an excellent speaker, researcher, clinician, and reader which makes this book so powerful but easy to engage with.

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Good

The things that I did not like:

The information is reduced to statistics - meaning men are villains and women the victims. Also meaning that pronouns are male or female based on that assumption. People hear such things and assume they are 100% true. It distorts the truth. I know several female narcissists - sometimes they attract people just like them and play the victim because they fail to see how they destroy things around them.

If Dr Ramani could re-write this book and edit out the gender assumption the rest of the content is good. I like her personal input - it makes things more real and relatable. There is a lot to learn from here but the gender issue was too great in volume for this book to be truly great and objective. If you listen to books from the 1920's and 30's - men assumed only men read and so they used the pronoun "he" for all scholars/readers. I feel we are better than that today.

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Needs to invest in better audio/performer

The book has very interesting topics and points of view regarding how is it to live with narcissist partner, and how to identify this kind of people. the examples given are useful but they’re not enough. unfortunately the book is vague about managing this kind of relationships in practical terms, and it is not clear enough about tangible/substantial consequences on someone’s mental health when involved with a narcissist. Also, the beauty of the topic is opaqued by an appalling quality of audio, and the way in which the book is “read” instead of being “told”. The autor should allow a more experienced story teller to read her book, or at least, have a close look on how other performers apply proper story-telling techniques.

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Simply incredible!

Wow, such an insightful book, thank you so much Dr Ramani Durvasula for shining light on a relationship topic I have struggled to understand my entire adult life. A life changer!

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  • sashy
  • 18-08-2016

Wake up call !

This audio book really hit home for me. It was like it was a story about my life, literally. I now realize how and why I have been suffering for decades. I knew something was wrong but didn't realize the extent of it. Listening to this book on audio was more powerful than reading it because hearing Dr Durvasula beautifully explain herself really was empowering for me. Also, listening to this book in the privacy of my car while driving about was much safer than being caught by my narcissist with such a book in my possession. Thank you!

21 people found this helpful

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  • Darren E from Toronto
  • 06-06-2016

This should be your Primary Guide dealing with a Narcissistic Relationship

If I were to purchase one book to deal with this subject matter, this would be the book. It is clear, concise, and very accurate to all other information I have researched in this field.

For me this book is the Bible for trying to figure out how to recover from a soul destroying relationship with a narcissist. It has been incredibly helpful and I will refer to it again and again. I cannot recommend it enough.

17 people found this helpful

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  • Kindle Customer
  • 22-07-2017

Helped me immensely

I had already read at least 5 books on narcissistic personality disorder but none were as clear as this one. I love that it is based on research but still very interesting. I also love that she does not come off as judgmental in any way. It's very well-organized facts that make so much sense. The book is written with compassion as well. I can't say enough about it.

9 people found this helpful

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  • alina c
  • 22-04-2019

Exceptional

A must read book if you are dealing with a narcisist.
It will change your life for the better !

6 people found this helpful

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  • Cliente de Amazon
  • 16-01-2019

This is By FAR THE BEST BOOK ON NARCISISM EVER

Dr, Druvasula, explains in so much detail the syndrome that can help you pin point exactly all the behaviors, characteristics and trends of the narcissist as well as how those affect you. One of the most valuable things compared to any other books its that She gives you the tools to deal with the narcissist if for some reason you decide or must keep them in your life. Tools to protect your self and your own self worth.

Extremely recommended to anyone.

6 people found this helpful

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  • Mary Meeker
  • 29-07-2019

In Shock

It is hard to listen to this book. I felt sick to my stomach by what has happened over 20 years in my marriage. This hits directly to the core issues of Narcissism.

I believe that personality disorders should be taught much earlier in life. I am well into my 50’s and just learning more about this. I cannot believe I was so blind.

The author makes excellent points and it will only get worse as we head into a world of instant gratification.

Thank you for your work here, it has opened my eyes. With greatest appreciation.

4 people found this helpful

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  • AA75
  • 18-06-2018

The best on “narcissistic disorder”

I am a victim of a narcissist... I could not understand what was happening to me and had no idea that such people exist...
Oh, boy... they do exist...
this book will open your eyes...
This book will be very helpful to anyone!!!
I HIGHLY recommend it!!!!

4 people found this helpful

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  • Jessica Cotten
  • 29-12-2016

Only book that breaks down BOTH options!!

Great book, I loved that it gave both options, & so true what you'll face if you stay in "survival mode". I think it would literally kill me, it almost has. I pray one day soon I'll be grateful he's gone. It's fear of failure, but he eventually always tore me down anyway, no matter how hard I tried. I've come back a lot already, & I'm guessing within the next year I'll be grateful I'm out of the decade & a half of hell. To a better life!

8 people found this helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 31-01-2019

Iam absolutely speechless!!!!

Tears of relief. When I lost all hope, I will survive!!! Absolutely worth every bit!!! Thank you so much. Headphones never left my ears once I started until it was completely finished. I have my life back!!!! Astonishing in every way possible. This book gave me my Hope's dreams and sanity back all with still understanding my narc and having compassion for him, as he is a human too. Always love yourself. My life will be forever changed, as I opened my eyes for the first time in 12 years. Tears, tears and more tears are streaming down my face, as I celebrate my freedom once again!!!!!

3 people found this helpful

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  • FARRAN OUTDOOR SUPPORT
  • 21-06-2016

Good content, poor narration

Authors should not always read their own books for audiobook and if they do, should always use professional equipment.

The book is excellent in terms of the content but the poor audio and self-narration make it difficult to listen to. Still worth it but, yikes.

9 people found this helpful

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  • Stewart Smith
  • 05-06-2019

This book will give you a superpower!

Having been in several relationships of this nature and learning that it was the relationship dynamic modelled to me as a child, I have done extensive research into narcissism. The author Dr. Ramani clearly has some of the best expertise and knowledge on the subject out there. She covers many of the subtleties and nuances surrounding narcissism which a lot of online information lacks. Narcissism takes on many forms and the selection of telltale traits are specific to the individual. Once you learn these traits and patterns you'll know how to spot a narc and you'll start seeing them almost everywhere. You can then therefore navigate these people and relationships with success: something she also helps with.
However, like with any book, knowledge, skill, etc, unless you practice it or re-listen over and over, you'll forget 95% of it.
Repetition is the mother of all skill.
So re read and re listen as many times as you can.
I recommend 10-15 until the knowledge becomes you.
Thanks Dr. Ramani. You've helped change my life.

3 people found this helpful

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  • Irfaan Zeyah
  • 01-04-2017

Very useful audio book, thank you Dr Ramani

Very useful audio book, thank you Dr Ramani, especially for recording this yourself! One minor comment; as a male 'reader' coming out of a relationship I struggled a little as you refer to the male as the narcissistic partner throughout the book!

3 people found this helpful

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  • Ebbie
  • 19-05-2019

Great book

Narrated by the author herself which is great , best book I listened on Audible and definitely a must read for those people that want to understand narcissism . Do not think twice about getting it ! Thankyou Dr Durvasula

1 person found this helpful

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    3 out of 5 stars
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  • Mr R Kenny
  • 25-06-2018

Hard to hear.

If you want a reason to leave listen to this, if not don't. One person's narcissist is another's life partner.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Natalie
  • 26-01-2017

Definitely worth the read

This book is well set out, meaningful and in depth. I'd highly recommend to anyone in a relationship with a narcissist.

1 person found this helpful

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  • ao
  • 21-06-2016

An absolute insight into the mind of a narcissist

..and an arsenal of advice on how to survive them. This book is a must-read.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 24-06-2020

This book is everything you need!!

Objective, precise and straight to the point. it's a life saving tool for victims and a source of knowledge for professionals in the field

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  • Anonymous User
  • 31-05-2020

A great overview of narcissism

The book provides a good overview of narcissism and specifies traits. However I felt the book geared towards leaving the relationship. It only had one chapter of staying in the relationship.
I would’ve like to see equal measures of this without imposing leaving to the reader.

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  • Miss L.
  • 13-05-2020

A game changing book

A clear , thorough , thoughtful, calm work providing absolute clarity on this subject . Thank you for your hard work Dr R

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  • Prisca Brathier
  • 04-02-2020

Excellent book !!!

Loved it ! Would recommend to anyone who live with Narcissists. There so many advices, I wish this book was written 20 years ago.