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Pissants

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Pissants

By: Brandon Jack
Narrated by: James O'Connell
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About this listen

Nothing like this has ever happened at a footy club. Honest.

The embittered fringe players of an unnamed football club follow rules of their own. Kidnapping a teammate’s dog for a gag. Taking potent painkiller suppositories to get through the living nightmare of a sponsors’ event. Ticking off their Pissants bingo cards to survive the weirdness of meetings with the club psych. Fangs, Stick, Squidman and Shaggers speak in a cryptic code of inside jokes and WhatsApp exchanges, chained to each other by their place on the outskirts of the team.

Together, these characters present a jaw-dropping snapshot of life within the chaotic world of a professional sports club. The psychotic rituals. The dementing cliches. The adulation. The pressure. The broken staff. The despair. The towering egos. The flatlining sexual encounters. The life-saving friendships.

Trainspotting gets munted with A Visit from the Goon Squad in Ted Lasso’s Front Bar in this brutally hilarious, unhinged and at times surprisingly moving insider’s glimpse into one anonymous footy club – and what might happen behind the headlines, off the field and out of sight.

©2025 Brandon Jack (P)2025 Simon & Schuster Audio Dark Humour Literature & Fiction Funny Witty

Critic Reviews

'Brandon Jack has talent and daring in abundance' (Christos Tsiolkas)
'Brandon Jack is a force for good' (Michelle Andrews and Zara McDonald, hosts of the Shameless podcast)
‘A yearning heart and mind propels Brandon’s writing. I’m hugely expectant for what is next.’ (Tim Rogers)
‘I’ll probably never look at Aussie Rules in quite the same way. While redefining the Australian literary boundaries of bacchanalia, in Pissants Brandon Jack – startlingly, shockingly and often hilariously – turns the footy sausage inside-out to expose the blood, guts, desperation and human frailty at its core. It ain’t pretty. But it sure is a powerfully evocative, elegant, and very daring novel.’ (Paul Daley, Guardian writer and author of Jesustown)
‘The footballer’s language knocked me around with its fantastical crudity and wildness; yet under its foul-mouthed, laughing bravado lie deep wounds, a humble and endearing loneliness that moved me.’ (Helen Garner, author of The Season)

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amateur hour

Don't bother unless you are amused by the use of f bombs and c bombs in place of punctuation. Narrator is talentless. Simply the worst title I've come across on Audible by a long margin.

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