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How to Teach an Octopus

A Tentatively Brilliant Guide to Educating Your Eight-Armed Scholar

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How to Teach an Octopus

By: Crispin Blatherwick
Narrated by: Dawn Chandler
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About this listen

Think teaching your cat tricks was hard? Try explaining algebra to an octopus.

Welcome to the ultimate deep-sea dive into pedagogical chaos—a wildly entertaining, utterly unscientific, and questionably wise guide to educating one of nature’s squishiest geniuses.

Whether you’re a frustrated aquarium enthusiast, a retired marine biologist with too much time, or just someone who wonders “What if an octopus could write poetry?”—this book is for you.

Inside, you'll learn:

  • Why your octopus keeps escaping (hint: it's smarter than you).
  • How to decorate a tank that screams “scholarly but chic.”
  • The pros and cons of assigning homework to something with no thumbs.
  • And why synchronised swimming is not a team sport for cephalopods.

Each chapter is packed with faux-expert advice, ridiculous curricula, and increasingly chaotic attempts to maintain classroom control—all wrapped in a voice that’s equal parts David Attenborough and sitcom dad.

  • Perfect for That one friend who definitely has a spreadsheet for their goldfish’s mood swings

Join the underwater academic revolution. Because if we can teach an octopus, surely we can teach anything… right?

Download now before your octopus enrolls somewhere else.

©2025 Gary Chaffey (P)2025 Gary Chaffey
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