This move has been a humbling reminder that my body doesn’t keep pace with my intentions anymore. I’m still plugging away but absolutely spent. I’ve simply run out of steam and know it will take weeks to recover from this system overload. Acceptance has been slow work in stroke recovery. Mentally, I want to be the same person I was, physically I can’t, and learning to live inside that reality has taken practice.

Sobriety teaches me to live in tiny increments. One day at a time, one minute, one step, and sometimes just one deep breath are what turned my gray, chaotic world into color. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still totally insane sometimes, but I’m far more self-aware of how my obsessive thinking can pull me under. The 12 Steps and practicing habits keep me treading through the fear instead of drowning in it.

I look out for the red flags, like obsessive thinking, romanticizing the drink, and isolation, and the actions that help me stay clear of that wave of insanity. Log on to a meeting, call my sponsor, do my nightly inventory, use the God box, or even just take a breath and then take action. These are the guardrails on my daily path that help to rewire my reactions to fear and keep me out of the ditch.

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To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

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