The Ghosts of Boyfriends Past — we all have them, but how much do they actually shape who we are in relationships today? In this episode of Dating in Your 20s, Amelia and Lilly spill the tea on how exes linger in our minds and what it means for dating in the here and now. From the emotional baggage that sneaks into new relationships to the little patterns we repeat without realizing it, we’re unpacking it all.

We’ll talk about things like projection (a.k.a. putting your old partner’s stuff on your new one), transference (when your new boo gets blamed for what your ex did), and hypervigilance (the overthinking spiral where you’re constantly on guard). Sounds heavy, but don’t worry—we’re mixing the real talk with laughter, honesty, and a little bit of therapy wisdom.

Therapeutic Takeaways

• Awareness is everything. The first step in breaking old patterns is noticing when your ex’s “ghost” shows up in your current relationship.
• Give yourself grace. Healing isn’t linear—past relationships leave marks, but they don’t have to define your future.
• Stay curious, not critical. Instead of judging yourself for slipping into old habits, ask: “What is this trying to teach me?”
• Therapy helps. Talking about your “ghosts” in a safe space can help you release what’s no longer serving you.

Whether you’re haunted by an old situationship or just want to better understand your dating brain, this episode is your permission slip to face the ghosts, laugh at the cringe, and grow in the process.

Related Episodes:

• Is 'The One' Even Real? Unpacking Soulmate Myths and Dating with Intention
• Breadcrumbing, Benching, and Other Bullsh*t: Modern dating behaviors that mess with your head

Dating In Your 20s Anonymous Corner

We'd love to hear from you! Check out the anonymous DIY20s Form. It's a safe, judgment-free space to share what’s going on in your love life.

Connect:

Lilly Wehman: Millennium | LinkedIn
Amelia Abernathy: Millennium | Linkedin

This podcast is powered by Millennium Counseling Center in Chicago, IL. To learn more visit: millenniumhope.com