Jesus Quest #3: Fixing Your Damaged Relationships by Apologizing cover art

Jesus Quest #3: Fixing Your Damaged Relationships by Apologizing

Jesus Quest #3: Fixing Your Damaged Relationships by Apologizing

Listen for free

View show details

About this listen

 Humans Need Community Humans require community in order to survive. We are not like sharks or some other solitary animal which can do just fine on their own. From the dawn of time, we survive because we build communities that develop into civilization. With that arrangement, there will be security from predators, more than enough food, and extra hands to help everyone survive. The greatest threat to human survival is not a T-Rex, it turns out. We have survived every apex predator that has walked the Earth in our time on the planet. The greatest threat to humans is simply the breakdown in their feelings for one another. Friends become enemies, and the love we felt before can become channeled into a murderous rage. Fixing damaged relationships matters to God.Jesus said that we should not bother to continue with our religious practices of church going and Bible study, making prayers, or offering sacrifices to God, until we have fixed our damaged relationships. He said just leave the gift at the altar and go fix it, then come back and God will want to be with you. He will even leave his blessing on the works of your hands, but only if you fix things. Fixing things often requires an apology on your part.How to Destroy an ApologyThere are two ways to torpedo an apology even after you gathered up the courage to face the problem with someone you’ve hurt. “But”—you can spend 20 minutes, apologizing with absolute sincerity, then, as you wipe your tears and blow your nose this one little word can undo everything you have said. Do not end an apology with the word “but”. You're gonna be so tempted to offer some kind of justification for what you have done so it won't be quite as bad on you but resist the temptation. Just put a period at the end of that apology and say, "So I hope you can forgive me for doing that” and then look at them until they speak. Probably it will get really easy at that point and you may have saved your friendship, working relationship or even your marriage.“If” —this is not quite as bad as the last word, but it is a form of equivocation, sort of like a plea bargain with the judge, when you are trying to get the crime down to a misdemeanor. “I'm sorry if I might've done something that might have contributed…” :-) that's a really cowardly way to start things off.By adding the word “if” to the apology, we muddy the water. Did you do something wrong or not? If you did not, then don't apologize. If you did, then toughen up and give a legitimate apology, admitting what you did. Even if you don’t feel that you did the wrong (and who does?) if you have a messed up relationship there’s probably something you could legitimately apologize for just to get the conversation started. Apologize for any little thing you have contributed, and then say something like, “I value our friendship and I really don't want anything to mess that up.” Smile and wait for them to speak.The point is that as far as Jesus is concerned, it's not OK to scratch off relationship after relationship because something went wrong and you are not willing to go face that person and try to save your relationship.So, if we want to be a disciple of his, we have to live by a higher standard than that. Here’s this week’s Jesus Quest challenge.Grounded is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.And here are this week’s prayer prompts:## Jesus Quest Week 3: Fixing Damaged Relationships - Apologizing and Making Restitution### Day 1: Examining Your Heart and Taking Responsibility**Scripture Reference:** Matthew 7:3-5> "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."Reflection: Before we can effectively repair damaged relationships, Jesus calls us to honest self-examination. This week we are going to do some amazing repair work on our relational network, but it begins with taking responsibility for our own contributions to relational damage. The Holy Spirit will guide us in strengthening these relationships and mitigating any pain being felt by others.Prompts:1. How does Jesus' teaching about removing the plank from your own eye apply to your damaged relationships?2. Have you done anything that contributed to the problems in your damaged relationships?3. What patterns do you see in your relational conflicts that might indicate areas where you need to grow?4. Are you willing to take responsibility for your part in relational damage, even when the other person was also wrong?5. What fears or pride might be preventing you from taking the first step toward reconciliation?6. Who is the Holy Spirit telling you ...
No reviews yet
In the spirit of reconciliation, Audible acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.