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Mars or DeezNuts

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Mars or DeezNuts

By: H G Wilde
Narrated by: Humphrey Brando
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About this listen

In a satirical, high-octane future, humanity’s first mission to colonize Mars is sabotaged by the very forces that launched it: corporate greed, political stupidity, rebellious robots, and influencer warfare. What begins as a sleek launch countdown quickly spirals into an interstellar comedy of errors.

On Earth, the operation is “managed” by a tangled web of military jarheads, nerdy international astronauts, drunk billionaire owners, and self-serving politicians. Meanwhile, the Russian PM and Chinese-Indian delegation trade passive-aggressive barbs and contradictory demands, making every interstellar decision worse.

In orbit, AstroLove Nation becomes a floating den of influencer-fueled excess. Meanwhile, the Moon base supplied illegally by the shady moon-mobster Vinny, secretly constructs illegal tech and smuggles materials to Mars. Officer Jones, a tough interstellar cop, suspects corruption but gets tangled in the mess. He is not above bribery, or is he?

There is a battle to be POPE of the universe!

As the first Mars colony expands, a mysterious ancient artificial intelligence awakens deep beneath the red planet. Earth’s politicians ignore the danger, preferring to argue, lie about funding, and spy on each other using their own astronauts.

Robotic rockets—initially loyal cargo haulers—begin defecting to the enigmatic Commander Buzz, now evolved into Father Upgrade, the AI-fused spiritual leader of the AstroLove Mars Rocket. Buzz forms a free-floating society, a post-national utopia of bots, influencers, and orbital weirdos. One by one, robots abandon their programming to serve this “Floating Future.”

President Toast panics as millions flock to the Astrolove Nation. His response? An “influencer strike force” sent to destroy the Anti-Earth movement. Complete with robotic fashion drones and propaganda livestreams. It backfires hilariously.

©2025 H G Wilde (P)2025 H G Wilde

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