Showing results by narrator "Michael Katzman" in All Categories

It wouldn’t release its grip. After applying cleansers, vinegar, even boiling water, it stuck to his floor. Finally, I chiseled away the sliver of sauteed onion, a ubiquitous plant that germinates in the earth. I had an epiphany! So I started a new religion: The Planet Is What It Is. A small, quirky congregation meets weekly for Do It Yourself sermons, when they share observable consequences arising even if you're just doing laundry. They observe that religion seems to be influential, but the planet continually spawns war, hate, poison, poverty, onions, and seedless watermelon.

Was it entirely my fault that all my brothers, friends, and former girlfriends all married 20 years before me? I walked around believing I had bad breath, a runny nose, a creepy appearance, or was born undeserving. So, I fixed all those things, and still women deceived me or were murdered. Finally, I confirmed that my life was constantly re-directed through divine intervention. I even found proof, but why was the divinity favoring me with so much personalized torment? And how would I explain it to people who thought I was weird?