Showing results by narrator "Andy Jones" in All Categories

My name is Simon. I’m 10 years old. I’m a serial killer. Robert Stern (Rupert Penry-Jones), a successful defense attorney, doesn’t know what lies in store for him when he agrees to meet a new client in a derelict estate on the outskirts of Berlin. Stern is more than surprised, when his old love interest and professional nurse Carina (Emilia Fox) presents him a ten year old boy as his new client. Simon (Jack Boulter), a terminally ill child, who is convinced he has murdered many men in a previous life.

Former child queen Elida was driven from her throne at age 10 and forced to wander the galaxy, evading the revolutionary forces that wanted her dead. When an old frenemy claims to know the whereabouts of Elida’s long-lost mother, she is forced to return to her former kingdom and stage a rescue.

Two enemies find themselves trapped together in an abandoned church on the far edge of Sherwood. Robin of Loxley and the Sheriff of Nottingham are both wounded, and without weapons, in the care of a hedge-priest. The ancient law of sanctuary means that no blood can be shed but emotions are running feverishly high.

A bomb detonates inside Capitol Hill during the president‘s State of the Union speech, bringing America to its knees. Left behind to lead the country under the presidential ‘Succession of Power’ laws is an inexperienced junior cabinet member, aided by the only Secret Service agent who foresaw the horrific act. Together, they must calm a shaken nation and bring the terrorists to justice before they strike again, while fighting even more sinister forces at the very heart of government.

Former child queen Elida was driven from her throne at age 10 and forced to wander the galaxy, evading the revolutionary forces that wanted her dead. When an old frenemy claims to know the whereabouts of Elida’s long-lost mother, she is forced to return to her former kingdom and stage a rescue.    

Operation Cordelia is an espionage-comedy told through “found audio” (news reports, tapped phone calls, bugged offices, and people secretly wearing wires) about one neurotic CIA agent’s attempt to stop a mass terror attack in 1970s Berlin.

Some people truly want to scare you to death, and these UK haunters will rock your Halloween like nowhere else on earth. See the scares and fear tactics from the inside out, and meet the people truly committed to the craft of horror and primal terror to create experiences that you will never forget.

Jack, the delightful, mischievous, big-hearted hero of so many Newfoundland folktales, is worried about his parents. They aren’t getting any younger; in fact, they’re really quite old. So, Jack and his brothers Bill and Tom decide to set out and find a magic fruit that will make the old young again. Told with the humor, warmth, and sly wit that have made Andy Jones one of Newfoundland’s finest and best-loved storytellers, The Queen of Paradise’s Garden follows Jack on his way to the land of the Queen of Paradise, three miles this side of the end of the world.

Jack o’ Hearts is the top card player in the parish and is feeling pretty sure of himself. When he is challenged to a card game with stakes higher than high by a mysterious green man, well, Jack can’t resist. Sure, he’s never lost a tournament yet, has he? A hilarious reimagining of a traditional Newfoundland folktale, Jack and the Green Man is jam-packed with magic, romance, transformations, impossible tasks, unforgettable characters, a love ballad or two, and the ever-present threat of Jack’s head ending up on a spear.

This time Jack, the “King of Ashes”, spends all his time hove off in the coal box, until one day he shakes off his ashes and sets out on an adventure that includes sneaky robbers, a “famous missing princess with reward attached”, an always-surprising canine sidekick, a royal wedding, a lovelorn rooster-puppet, a conniving ship’s captain, corpses, curses, kisses, a coat, and a whole lot more! 

 Jack and Mary in the Land of Thieves finds Jack, that everyman of folktales, married to his sweetheart, Mary, the best woman ever born and a mighty fine baker to boot. Their lives are as happy and successful as can be, until an underhanded sea captain and Jack’s own bragging get the better of our hero. Jack is sent at once to work on Slave Islands, and Mary is turned out of house and home. But Mary is resolute and resourceful and has plans to find Jack and restore their fortunes. 

Helen is a fine hand with a slingshot, and more than at home in the woods. After all, she was raised by bears for a time. When she stumbles on the castle of three evil giants, she comes up with the perfect plan to rid the land of them. Well, almost perfect... Andy Jones’s hilarious new folktale adaptation/middle reader Barefoot Helen and the Giants is jam-packed with adventures and tales of adventure. It celebrates brave and resourceful girls, blended families, and storytelling itself. 

Jack and the Manger retells the story of Jesus’ birth as if it were a Newfoundland folktale. It’s all seen through the eyes of Jack, the hero of many a story, who befriends a young couple on their walk to Bethlehem. There’s a bit of "angel talk", some gravel pit camping, an edge-of-your-seat birth drama, and the low-down on how Caesar Augustus’ "count-and-tax plan" brought them all together.

A hilarious new audio collection from best-selling author and entertainer Andy Jones. The funniest collection of rap, rhyme, riddles and poems you've ever heard! An awesome new collection from the best-selling author of The Enormous Book of Hot Jokes for Kool Kids and The Fartionary.

Andy Jones continues his hilarious journey through the human digestive system and tells you everything you (n)ever wanted to know about burps! Whether they be lady-like hiccups or onion-breath stinkers, burps are an essential part of the human experience. The Burptionary is jam-packed full of belchy facts, gaseous jokes and burp-tastic riddles and rhymes, and is guaranteed to have boys everywhere laughing till they spew.

The notorious pirate Captain Flint is dead, and his great horde of stolen treasure lies lost, stashed and buried on an island far, far away. Jim Hawkins, the humble son of a country innkeeper, comes into possession of the only map to Flint's treasure and is soon swept away on a high seas adventure of treachery and survival.

Summer 1940. The defense of a nation depends on just a few young pilots. After invading and occupying half of mainland Europe, Adolf Hitler set his sights on the British Isles. Although the Royal Navy and the British Army were ready to fight, the first line of defense was the Royal Air Force and the men of fighter command. Call Sign Panther tells the story of the Battle of Britain as seen through the eyes of a young pilot, Jack Sommers.