Showing results by publisher "Hachette Audio" in Comedy & Humour

From the creator of the viral Instagram account comes an empowering guide to navigating the hazards and horrors of online dating.

Someday a bird will poop on all of us. But that's okay. In a world of bad news, fake news, delays, disappointments, trash talk, and tweets, things are bound to get a little poopy. What matters is not how big the mess is - but how well you react to it. Someday a Bird Will Poop on You is a modern parable about life hitting us with something unexpected - and the perfect gift for anyone leaving home without an umbrella.

For most of her life (and even during her years as the host of a popular radio show), Courtenay Hameister lived in a state of near-constant dread and anxiety. She fretted about everything. Her age. Her size. Her romantic prospects. How likely it was that she would get hit by a bus on the way home. Until a couple years ago, when, in her mid-forties, she decided to fight back against her debilitating anxieties by spending a year doing little things that scared her - things that the average person might consider doing for a half second before deciding: "nope."

All through college, Blanche Carter was known as the love doctor in her sorority. Now she's parlayed her talent into a unique consulting business: she runs the Online dating profiles of Washington D.C.'s most eligible women. Armed with a battalion of rules, Blanche expertly helps her clients optimize their profiles and ace that first date. But although she'll happily message handsome strangers (and fend off dick pics) for other ladies, Blanche's most important rule is the one she has for herself: no relationships. She's seen too much heartbreak to believe in real love anymore.

Everybody knows that the schools of the Ivy League - universally touted as the pinnacle of American higher education - have graduated countless political leaders, corporate titans, and global power brokers. But did you know these schools have also produced murderers, warmongers, traitors, plagiarists, slave traders, pederasts, and every other variety of moral reprobate?

I Love My Computer Because My Friends Live in It is a hilarious memoir of growing up in the early days of the internet and celebrating technology's role in our lives. Coming of age in suburban Connecticut in the late '80s and early '90s, Jess Kimball Leslie looked to the nascent internet to find the tribes she couldn't find IRL: fellow Bette Midler fans; women who seemed impossibly sure of their sexuality; interns trudging through similarly soul-crushing media jobs.

Nineteen-year-old Nayeli works at a taco shop in her Mexican village and dreams about her father, who journeyed to the US to find work. Recently it has dawned on her that he isn't the only man who has left town. In fact there are almost no men in the village - they've all gone north. While watching The Magnificent Seven, Nayeli decides to go north herself and recruit seven men - her own "Siete Magníficos" - to repopulate her hometown and protect it from the bandidos who plan on taking it over.

Dana Perino is a popular and beloved host on Fox's The Five, with over two million followers on social media. While listeners admire Dana for her charm, warmth, and insight, she also knows who the real star in her family is: her vizsla, Jasper - aka America's Dog. In this new audiobook, Dana tells stories about life and politics and how dogs can transcend rancor and partisanship. She also talks about how dogs bring families together - like Dana's own, from her career in Washington through her life as a TV star.

Well, now you've gone and done it, America. You've elected Donald K. Trump president, and the US will never again be the same! The problem for all of us is that he's got plans - lots of them. The list reads like a bad acid trip: nominating Bernie Madoff for secretary of the Treasury; "Trumpifying" the Constitution; making personal real estate deals with Vladimir Putin; staging a hostile takeover of one of America's great news magazines - to name just a few.

In this utterly unconventional autobiographical novel, Mark Leyner gives a reading in the food court of a mall. Besides Mark's mother, who's driven him to the mall and introduces him before he begins, and a few employees of fast food chain Panda Express who ask a handful of questions, the reading is completely without audience. The action of Gone with the Mind takes place exclusively at the food court, but the territory covered in this audio has no bounds.

Highly awkward teenager Stanley Owens meets his match in beautiful, brainy Vera Baxter when they tie for first place in the annual national spelling bee - and the two form a bond that will change both of their lives. Though their mothers have big plans for them - Stanley will become a senator, Vera a mathematics professor - neither wants to follow these predetermined paths. So Stanley hatches a scheme to marry Vera in a sham wedding for the cash gifts, hoping they will enable him to pursue his one true love: crossword puzzle construction.

Fusing consummate wit with the seriousness attending an adulthood gone awry, Rapp has written an uproarious and affecting novel about what we do and where we go when our lives have crumbled around us. Sharp-edged but tenderhearted, Know Your Beholder introduces us to one of the most lovably flawed characters in recent fiction, a man at last able to collect the jagged pieces of his dreams and begin anew, in both life and love. Seldom have our foibles and our efforts to persevere in spite of them been laid bare with such heart and hope.

When Quaker Pastor Sam Gardner is asked by the ill Unitarian minister to oversee a wedding in his place, Sam naturally agrees. It's not until the couple stands before him that he realizes they're two women.

It's 1973, and David Leveraux has landed his dream job as a Flavorist-in-Training, working in the secretive industry where chemists create the flavors for everything from the cherry in your can of soda to the butter on your popcorn. While testing a new artificial sweetener - Sweetness #9 - he notices unusual side-effects in the laboratory rats and monkeys: anxiety, obesity, mutism, and a generalized dissatisfaction with life. David tries to blow the whistle, but he swallows it instead.

When the top editor at a rival publishing house calls her with a job offer - complete with a promotion and three times her current salary - Claire Truman believes she's getting everything she's ever wanted. But be careful what you wish for. Vivian Grant, her new boss, is even worse than the industry gossip led her to believe.

High above the bustling streets of Dubai, in the world's most luxurious skyscraper, reside the gods and goddesses of the modern world. Since they emerged 14 billion years ago from a bus blaring a tune remarkably similar to the Mister Softee jingle, they've wreaked mischief and havoc on mankind. Unable to control their jealousies, the gods have splintered into several factions, led by the immortal enemies XOXO, Shanice, La Felina, Fast-Cooking Ali, and Mogul Magoo. Ike Karton, an unemployed butcher from New Jersey, is their current obsession.

Known to millions as an Emmy Award-winning CBS News commentator, Bill Geist may possibly be the last American male to take up golf. In this memoir of a golfer wannabe, he competes in the Bad Golfers Association Tournament - and loses. Golfers and non-golfers alike will be laughing every step of the fairway.

In this hilarious new primer-style book, George, Laura, and the entire Bush family communicate with uncharacteristic expressiveness, conveying shades of feeling and nuances of meaning that plain old English can't deliver--by peppering their conversation with Yiddishisms.

Nobody needs advice, but everybody wants it. Conversely, everybody wants to give advice but we need to. It's in our blood...because we're stoned. That's the point. And what better way to legitimize two stoned people's need to babble advice than with a book? Allow us to introduce ourselves: We're Tracie and Rich. We go way back. We host an Internet video series in which we answer viewer-submitted questions, solving their problems with the help of an herbal remedy. Basically we get stoned and tell people how to live their lives. At this point, we want to get higher, and take things to the next level....

When a health scare puts him in the hospital, Eric Weiner-an agnostic by default-finds himself tangling with an unexpected question, posed to him by a well-meaning nurse. "Have you found your God yet?" The thought of it nags him, and prods him-and ultimately launches him on a far-flung journey to do just that.