we have to set boundaries in life. it’s a pretty hard thing to do which unfortunately you probably know will make you a better person and make you grow. setting boundaries is tough not only for yourself internally but its hard for the people around you. if you’ve always been a people pleaser and all of a sudden you’re saying no to everyone - which means actually getting interpersonal and understanding the things you do and don’t want to do - then it sucks to say but you may lose people in your life that are close to you. but you have to do it for the sake of yourself (and others). 

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 we have a world now in which was can talk about therapy freely or if we’re feeling depressed or even talk about medication and what we’re on in a way that we would just never have talked about it even just a few years ago. so this is amazing but with all amazing things we have to think about regulation, right? its a new thing just like bitcoin and all these other unregulated markets. what’s too much when talk about our mental health? it feels so good to be open about it but  just because we can talk about our mental health now doesn’t mean we always should be. 

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i always wanted to be perfect. and i still do im not even going to pretend like perfection isn’t something i am absolutely striving for and it absolutely paralyzes me on a day to day basis because if im not perfect then whats the point in doing anything, right?   but life isn’t just one path to perfection and oh yeah you got the right answer because you followed this systematic process of doing something. that’s just not most of life. life is actually nuanced.

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i’m not gwenyth paltrow and i never will and i’m not even trying to be her - i mostly just want to be normal and all this shit makes me feel normal and good about actually being in my life and starting my day and all that. full disclosure i do and have enjoyed doing the work thus far. i don’t regret wanting to be a better person and actually wanting to understand myself and get to know myself better but also sometimes… sometimes i just feel like i have good person fatigue. i have i need to keep my shit together all the time fatigue. and sometimes its just easier to be a mess. 

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the purpose of this podcast is to focus on self betterment. that was the goal for me - that was the most important thing to showcase and talk about going from more negative ways of thinking and behaviors to more positive ones.  my issue that comes up and i feel like i can almost describe it as recovery in a way - because i think about my old ways and get a craving - the 'healing journey' makes me have bad person withdrawal every so often. 

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i didn’t really know what an ego was for a while. i knew having a big ego meant like you kind of thought you were better than other people and kind of an asshole and probably a man? i saw egos as this very stereotypical type of thing. again things you see in tv and movies and i never just never thought about how any of it manifested in real life. i never thought about my ego because i thought - get this - that i didn’t have one. i'm clearly wrong. 


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we talk a lot about our minds here on this show. what we haven’t talked about yet is our brain’s connection to our body. we haven't talked about bodies. and its a weird one.  why’s it weird? because realistically maybe situations and our feelings and shit in our mind can be like subjective right?  the weird thing about bodies and feeling that dysphoric and confused connection to your body is that for the most part bodies are just bodies. your body just is. and sure maybe you feel bloated one day or maybe whatever - but like, there is a concreteness to your body. there is a number on that scale, your hair is a certain amount of inches long, your lips are a certain width and whatever. your body, like, does look how it is - there should be very little subjectiveness in that. and there’s our problem. when our brains make our bodies subjective we fucking go through it. 

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if i asked you to define trauma, what would you say? it’s not a question with an easy answer. for one thing, trauma is a lot of different things to different people. some may repress or others may have leaned into the feelings heavily.  sometimes i wonder - does the bigness of the trauma question, the unending possibilities of answers, the vagueness and open-endedness of the whole concept of trauma. is that part of what makes trauma so bad? trauma. such a big scary word. let's demystify it. 


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