This month’s Patreon episode dives into a theme that kept surfacing in your questions: When does mental illness explain behavior… and when does it become an excuse?

Before answering your submissions, I break down what we actually mean when we talk about pathological abuse — repeated patterns rooted in personality structure, not just “a bad fight” or poor communication. We explore coercive control, gaslighting, intermittent reinforcement, blame shifting, and the power imbalance that defines these dynamics.

I also clarify the differences (and overlap) between borderline traits, narcissistic traits, and antisocial traits — and why the traits matter more than the label.

Some of the questions I answer:

• Was any of it real, or was I being used the entire time?
• How do I tell the difference between borderline traits and sociopathy?
• Why did they escalate when I got stronger?
• When does mental illness stop being an explanation and start being an excuse?

This is the Instagram video I reference: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DP8CTXVDQ11/?hl=en

This is the podcast I mentioned: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1916632/episodes/10257007

This episode was originally recorded for my Patreon community, where I answer listener-submitted questions in a more direct, unfiltered way. I’m sharing it publicly because the themes felt too important to keep behind a paywall.

Support the show

*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

In this episode, I share what it’s really like to support clients through the chaos of high-conflict divorce — when legal processes, endless emails, and contradictory communication make it nearly impossible to think clearly. I talk about how I help clients slow things down, organize what’s actually happening, and find stability in the middle of emotional and legal overwhelm.

I also share how confusion becomes one of the main weapons of post-separation abuse, and what I do to help survivors reclaim clarity, confidence, and emotional grounding. If you’ve ever felt like you’re drowning in filings, lawyer emails, or mixed messages from your ex and the professionals involved, this episode will help you see the bigger picture, feel more anchored, and take the next step forward.

Support the show

*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

“No one sees it. They just think he’s nice.”

If you are in a high-conflict divorce or co-parenting dynamic, you probably feel this in your bones.

One of the hardest parts of covert abuse is that the “nice” isn’t safe. The "helpfulness" isn’t genuine. It’s strategic.

When you are the only one seeing it and reacting to it, you start questioning yourself.

In this episode, I talk about what it’s like to live inside a pattern that other people can’t see. Courts, lawyers, evaluators — they are trained to look for a single shocking incident. They are looking for overt violence, clear evidence and one big moment.

They are not trained to see is cumulative harm, psychological pressure and the tone of a text that looks polite but isn’t.

Support the show

*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner