Trauma bonds aren’t about shared hardship or difficult experiences. They’re cycles of abuse and relief that hook your brain and body like an addiction. That’s why it feels impossible to just “get over it.”

In this episode, I break down what trauma bonding really is—and what it isn’t. I talk about how intermittent reinforcement keeps survivors stuck, why naming it matters, and why treating it like an addiction can open a path back to yourself.

You’ll hear practical ways to start loosening the bond, even if you’re not ready for big steps yet. Whether that means muting their social media, setting one small boundary, or shifting your focus back to your own needs, this episode is here to remind you: you’re not crazy, you’re trauma bonded—and you can begin to reclaim your power one choice at a time.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

Control in an abusive relationship often hides behind the illusion of change. They might say the words you’ve been waiting to hear—"I know I hurt you," "I’m working on myself"—but without real accountability, it’s not growth. It’s performance.

This episode unpacks how shame drives manipulative behavior, why false accountability keeps you trapped, and how tactics like gaslighting, projection, and DARVO are used to destabilize you. It also explores the difference between genuine conflict resolution and the subtle ways control masquerades as care, calmness, or insight.

If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling like your pain became the problem, you’ll learn how to spot the pattern, trust your reality, and start reclaiming your clarity.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

Family court is a system that doesn’t run on empathy — and that can be one of the hardest realities for survivors to face. In this episode, I share the lessons I’ve learned about communicating with attorneys while navigating years of custody battles and post-separation abuse.

You’ll hear why sending every message, email, or update in real time can backfire, how to frame patterns in a way that lawyers and judges can’t ignore, and what it means to “play chess instead of checkers” when you’re up against an abusive ex. I also talk about the impossible balancing act survivors are forced into: document everything, but don’t be “too emotional.”

If you’ve ever felt dismissed, minimized, or like your lawyer just doesn’t get it, this conversation will give you strategies to shift how you present your case — without abandoning your truth.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner