• #123 - (Un)friendly Aliens and Even More Stoopider Quotes
    May 11 2025

    Friendship - it’s a wonderful thing to have. A person to share your ups and downs with; through all times, good and bad; a shoulder to cry on; someone you know who will always be there. But what if that friend is a 10ft tall emotionally exhausting ALIEN!? Well, that’s what’s up for discussion today and, unfortunately, there ain’t just one of them. There’s a whole load of them! All directing a group of Italian people away from the greys… until they gave up.


    And you all asked for it! And today, Jordan is finally delivering! It’s the “people saying stupid things” part 4! (Or 3?.. 5?) from the mouths of people who are lucky enough to even be able to string a coherent sentence together. Complete with all the daft things that their brain thinks is a good idea to chuck out their mouth. Let us know if you’ve anything to add to the next instalment, for Stupid Things part 82!


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    Music: https://www.purple-planet.com

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    47 mins
  • #122 - Spiky Aliens and Crap Pub Jokes
    May 4 2025

    The Greys are gone for this week and have been unfortunately replaced by reptilians - less scary (to Iain) - but probably actually worse. You be the judge as we hear one man’s recount of his multiple abductions at the hands of those giant green gits.


    And then Jordan, in light of his recent Bonus Episode segment of DIRTY pub jokes, has decided that the main feed should definitely be blessed by something similar; albeit cleaner. So get ready for a scare and then a chuckle as we jump into this week’s episode!


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    Music: https://www.purple-planet.com

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    44 mins
  • #121 - Haunted Waters and Famous Last Meals
    Apr 27 2025

    The weather is getting warmer! What a delight, and what better way to keep cool than a dip in a lovely cool river. I’ve just the place; THE OHIO RIVER! But while you’re cooling off and enjoying a swim, watch out for creatures. Ya know, frog men, octo-men, and also watch out for ghosts… and UFOS. And make sure you don’t wander into the haunted towns along the river bank. Confused? Let me explain! This week Iain has all the spooky knowledge you need to know about the Ohio river, to help you steer clear of all the creepers.


    But it’s not all horrors! Jordan is still here and after confirming his love for his preferred tech, he’s got a delightful little list of some of the most interesting Death Row inmates’ last meal choices. From the bountiful to the bizarre, those horrid folk really do have an eclectic taste. What would your last meal be, given the choice? Whether that be due to having your life cut short due to wrongdoings, or just knowing that a specific meal would be your last (I mean, we don’t think you’re horrible people, but!) let us know!


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    Music: https://www.purple-planet.com

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    52 mins
  • #120 - A Kecksburg Nazi Connection and FESSHOLE Pt. 3
    Apr 20 2025

    This week Jordan takes a trip down memory lane with his old pal, the Gorbster, as Iain brings us the Kecksburg UFO crash and it’s possible connection to a Nazi experiment that was meant to win the war, but instead, went horrifically wrong.


    And then Jordan fills us in on his favourite posts from the past year in his annual wrap up of X’s (Twitter’s) favourite page for anonymous confessions; FESSHOLE.


    So buckle up! It’s a wild one this week (no more than usual though so, don’t brace yourself too hard; don’t want you being disappointed.)


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    Music: https://www.purple-planet.com


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    46 mins
  • #119 - Screeching Spirits & Ptolemy! Ptolemy!
    Apr 13 2025

    Hello and welcome to this week’s lesson where we have have HISTORY coming alive in front of your very eyes, which is kinda ironic considering Iain’s telling us about BANSHEES! The spectral-screamers of Irish folklore that forewarn of impending death! But there’s more to the story, so come and hear Iain and Jordan be shocked and delighted (as we’re sure you will be too!)


    And then, Jordan brings us up to date with some interesting content brought to us via FACEBOOK! It is, of course, the ‘Overheard in Waitrose’ Facebook page! And let me tell ya, there are some bangers; some fantastic one-liners and a name that no one on this Earth deserves. Truly, truly wonder stuff.


    Oh and stay tuned for a bit of new (albeit daft) piece of music from us Guys AND the story of how Iain nearly ruined but managed to SAVE Mother’s Day.


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    Music: https://www.purple-planet.com

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    52 mins
  • #118 - Soul Recycling and Germans Say What?
    Apr 6 2025

    Welcome to this week’s episode of TGWU! Today Iain starts by putting us all in a bad mood, because he tells us about the machine that is recycling our souls; all for the use of our lovely human power. Like the matrix… but REAL!


    But don’t you worry, because Jordan is here to cheer us up again and give us some of the best translations of legit German words that describe many of the people we see on a daily basis - but the translation gives them a humorous twist whilst retaining all the meaning involved. So join us mirror-killers as we jump into another fanatic episode!



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    Music: https://www.purple-planet.com


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    48 mins
  • #117 - Roswell Like You’ve NEVER Heard Before! & The Unluckiest Lucky Man
    Mar 30 2025

    Good morning, interested seekers of the truth! How ya doing? So today, we have ROSWELL! We all know about it; we’ve heard the story, so why are we talking about it? Because there’s loads of stuff! There’s extra stuff! There’s crazy stuff! There’s secret stuff and some stuff you definitely (may) not know! So hands at 10 & 2 and make sure you pilot your UFO more carefully than that EBE-1 did! As this week, we crash into the desert of TRUTH!


    And then Roswell that ends well because, after that crash, Jordan tells us about another eight hundred crashes that all involved ONE MAN! But not just any man. This is the luckiest unluckiest man in the entire world! So, how do you define luck? Being lucky for being able to survive such horrors? Or unlucky for being involved in them in the first place?



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    The Alien Interview Jordan Was Talking about


    The Alien Interview I Thought Jordan Was Talking About


    Music: https://www.purple-planet.com

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    52 mins
  • #116 - Haunted Hotels & Horny Heads
    Mar 24 2025

    Welcome, weary travellers, to this week’s episode! Check your bags at the door and keep your wits about ya! Because today we’re discussing one of the most horrible hotels around; from suicides to murders, and ghosts to summoned demons! Us Two Guys would like to introduce you to the CECIL HOTEL!


    Then from hotels to seaside trips, Jordan tells you the story of the BUM HEADED GOBLIN SNOGGING MONSTER OF SCARBOROUGH! This terrible creature lurks beneath the cliffs and only comes out to snog unwitting passers by! Is it real? No. We made it up. But it’s a jolly good story nonetheless.



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    Music: https://www.purple-planet.com

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    49 mins