Have you ever had a moment where you think, “I’m doing all the things… so why isn’t anything actually changing?”

This week, I’m dropping a short post-holiday-week tidbit about the one shift I’ve seen move the needle more than any tool, strategy, planner, or productivity hack ever could.

And no, it’s not what you think.

After 25+ years in the mental health field, working with hundreds of ADHD women, I’ve watched this one thing quietly transform motivation, follow-through, emotional regulation, and the way women show up in their daily lives. But it’s the very thing most ADHD women never even consider—because we’ve been conditioned to focus on “fixing,” masking, and trying harder instead.

This mini-episode invites you into something deeper, gentler, and honestly… more effective. If you’ve felt overwhelmed, ashamed, “scattered,” or like you’re constantly fighting your own brain, this one is for you.

✨ Tune in and see what opens up.

—CHAPTERS—

00:00 Introduction and Purpose

00:28 The One Thing That Makes a Difference

01:01 Understanding ADHD and Self-Acceptance

02:35 The Power of Compassion

03:21 Embracing Your Reality

04:28 Moving Towards Self-Love

06:43 Final Thoughts and Resources

✨ If you found this episode helpful… Please follow, subscribe, and share it with another ADHD woman who needs support!

💛 Connect with me on social media!

Youtube: @Jenbarnes

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenbarneslicsw/

DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal health or medical advice. We are not responsible for any losses, damages, or liabilities that may arise from the use of this podcast. This podcast is not intended to replace professional medical advice or psychotherapy.

If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency please contact emergency services in your area. If you are in the USA, dial 988 for the Suicide and Crisis line or 911 for a medical emergency.

Have you ever had one of those days where you’re doing everything you’re “supposed” to do to get motivated… and you still end up frozen, spiraling, or pushing yourself so hard you’re exhausted before you even begin?

If you’re an ADHD woman, that isn’t a character flaw. It’s conditioning. It’s survival mode.

And honestly? It’s one of the biggest reasons so many of us stay stuck in overwhelm and burnout.

In this episode, we’ll unpack why traditional motivation strategies — willpower, urgency, shame, fear, or trying to be “consistent” — backfire for ADHD brains. These approaches don’t support our wiring; they fight against it.

Then I walk you through four ADHD-friendly ways to actually get motivated without relying on panic, pressure, or self-judgment. You’ll learn how to work with your natural tendencies, match tasks to your energy, make things interesting, and regulate your nervous system so you can start from a place of safety instead of stress.

By the end, you’ll understand the real science behind ADHD motivation and have simple, doable tools to support yourself with more compassion and far fewer consequences.

Mentioned in the episode:

📺 Are You Living… or Just Functioning? ADHD’s Quiet Disconnection

https://youtu.be/nZGb-Hl-Xac

—CHAPTERS—

00:00 Introduction: The Struggle with Motivation

00:29 Why Traditional Motivation Fails for ADHD

01:37 Welcome to the Podcast

02:18 Personal Anecdotes and Realizations

05:16 Common ADHD Motivation Pitfalls

22:54 Effective ADHD-Friendly Motivation Strategies

29:53 Conclusion and Resources

✨ If you found this episode helpful… Please follow, subscribe, and share it with another ADHD woman who needs support!

💛 Connect with me on social media!

Youtube: @Jenbarnes

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenbarneslicsw/

DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal health or medical advice. We are not responsible for any losses, damages, or liabilities that may arise from the use of this podcast. This podcast is not intended to replace professional medical advice or psychotherapy.

If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency please contact emergency services in your area. If you are in the USA, dial 988 for the Suicide and Crisis line or 911 for a medical emergency.

Have you ever walked into a meeting and instantly started monitoring yourself—your volume, your facial expressions, your ideas—so you wouldn’t come across as “too much”? Too intense, too direct, too emotional, too silly, too curious?

In this episode of The Self-Loved ADHD Woman Way, we’re unpacking the fear of being “too much” at work and how it quietly shapes the careers and nervous systems of ADHD women.

I share stories about being labeled too loud, too playful, and too direct, how I moved from feeling “not enough” to over-functioning so no one would see my struggles, and the moment I realized “not enough” and “too much” actually come from the same place.

We’ll explore how childhood conditioning, masking, workplace expectations, and rejection sensitivity all intertwine—and why playing small has real emotional, physical, and career costs.

You’ll also learn practical ways to start reclaiming your authentic self at work in small, nervous-system-friendly steps.

In this episode, we’ll explore: • How ADHD women internalize messages about being “too much” • The paradox of feeling both “not enough” and “too much” • Over-functioning, masking, and the hidden cost of playing small • Why visibility feels so threatening in professional spaces • Nervous system tools to anchor yourself when you feel exposed • Small, doable ways to practice being more of who you really are at work

If you’re ready to go deeper into this work, my journal-book experience, The Self-Loved ADHD Woman Way: How to Stop Playing Small with ADHD, will help you explore the parts of you that feel too much or not enough—and begin to build a more self-loving, grounded relationship with yourself.

Learn more here: https://jenbarnes.org/stop-playing-small/

—CHAPTERS—

00:00 Introduction: The Fear of Being Too Much

00:50 Personal Experiences and Struggles

01:36 Understanding the Fear of Being Too Much

02:53 Podcast Introduction and Overview

03:35 Exploring the Fear of Being Too Much

04:17 Childhood Conditioning and Nervous System Responses

06:08 Workplace Challenges and Personal Stories

12:35 Internalized Labels and Misinterpretations

13:53 The Paradox of Being Too Much or Not Enough

17:28 Consequences of Playing Small

23:53 Navigating the Workplace with ADHD

27:29 Strategies for Authentic Self-Expression

37:05 Conclusion and Resources

✨ If you found this episode helpful… Please follow, subscribe, and share it with another ADHD woman who needs support!

💛 Connect with me on social media!

Youtube: @Jenbarnes

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenbarneslicsw/

DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal health or medical advice. We are not responsible for any losses, damages, or liabilities that may arise from the use of this podcast. This podcast is not intended to replace professional medical advice or psychotherapy.

If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency please contact emergency services in your area. If you are in the USA, dial 988 for the Suicide and Crisis line or 911 for a medical emergency.

Have you ever looked at your life from the outside and thought, “Everything looks fine… so why don’t I feel fine?”

In this episode, I’m talking about the quiet, almost invisible shutdown many ADHD women experience when we’re technically “getting things done,” but we’ve disconnected from our bodies in order to do it.

Not burnout. Not a crisis. Just this low-grade numbness that sneaks in when survival mode becomes our norm.

I share how I noticed this pattern in myself, the subtle signs so many of us overlook, why high-functioning ADHD often comes at a physical and emotional cost, and the small, compassionate shifts I’m making to come back into my life instead of just managing it.

If you’ve been productive but not present… if you’re checking boxes but not feeling anything while you do it… this episode is going to land deeply.

✨ Mentioned in the episode: Eleonore de Posson, https://www.eleonoredeposson.com/

—CHAPTERS—

00:00 Introduction: Feeling Alive vs. Going Through the Motions

01:00 Recognizing the Signs of Disconnection

02:05 Personal Experiences and Realizations

05:51 Understanding ADHD and Dissociation

07:24 The Importance of Mindfulness and Presence

11:53 Strategies for Reconnecting with Your Body

19:12 The Role of the Nervous System

27:41 Practical Tips for Staying Present

36:58 Conclusion: Embracing Mindfulness in Daily Life

✨ If you found this episode helpful… Please follow, subscribe, and share it with another ADHD woman who needs support!

💛 Connect with me on social media!

Youtube: @Jenbarnes

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenbarneslicsw/

DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal health or medical advice. We are not responsible for any losses, damages, or liabilities that may arise from the use of this podcast. This podcast is not intended to replace professional medical advice or psychotherapy.

If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency please contact emergency services in your area. If you are in the USA, dial 988 for the Suicide and Crisis line or 911 for a medical emergency.

Have you ever felt that quiet pressure to do it right — eat right, work right, rest right, even “heal” right — and wondered why it feels so heavy?

In this episode, I’m exploring the hidden cost of trying to get it right — especially for ADHD women who are already juggling so much.

This layer of perfectionism isn’t about chasing approval; it’s about trying to prevent chaos, exhaustion, or the overwhelm that comes when things go wrong.

I share stories from my own life — from childhood moments of not being believed to adult experiences that taught me to stay hyper-vigilant — and unpack how this pattern is really a nervous system strategy for safety, not flawlessness.

You’ll learn how to recognize when your “do it right” part is trying to protect you, how to reconnect with your Self (the calm, compassionate center that knows what to do), and how to build the skills and structure that help you feel safe enough to be imperfect.

Because true freedom doesn’t come from doing it all right — it comes from knowing you can handle it when you don’t.

Mentioned in the episode:

Check out my journal-book experience The Self-Loved Woman Way: How to Stop Playing Small with ADHD”. It is a tangible journal-book that comes in a keepsake box with sensory items I selected to help you do this work - the deeper work of healing.

Watch the video showing what it is and learn more here 👉 https://jenbarnes.org/stop-playing-small/

Here is that video on Nervous System Regulation I promised to share, giving you a small taste of some of getting regulated:

ADHD Nervous System Regulation: Get Unstuck

https://youtu.be/Msq4p8ECNOw

—CHAPTERS—

00:00 Introduction: The Pressure to Get It Right

01:49 Personal Insights and Realizations

02:41 Perfectionism as a Defense Mechanism

04:03 Childhood Memories and Their Impact

05:32 Struggles with Being Heard and Understood

07:02 Recent Experiences and Lessons Learned

10:00 Understanding the Drive for Perfection

13:34 Strategies for Managing Perfectionism

19:09 Building Capacity to Handle Imperfection

34:14 Practical Tips for Letting Go of Perfectionism

38:57 Conclusion and Resources

✨ If you found this episode helpful… Please follow, subscribe, and share it with another ADHD woman who needs support!

💛 Connect with me on social media!

Youtube: @Jenbarnes

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenbarneslicsw/

DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal health or medical advice. We are not responsible for any losses, damages, or liabilities that may arise from the use of this podcast. This podcast is not intended to replace professional medical advice or psychotherapy.

If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency please contact emergency services in your area. If you are in the USA, dial 988 for the Suicide and Crisis line or 911 for a medical emergency.

Ever find yourself replaying something that happened — a conversation, mistake, or awkward moment — and you just can’t stop?

You analyze it from every angle, and instead of relief, you just end up feeling worse.

You’re not alone. ADHD brains are sticky. We hold on to things longer, feel them more deeply, and often internalize them as something we need to fix or make right. But the truth is, most of the strategies we’re told to use — “just let it go,” journaling, reframing — only work for a moment before the replay spiral starts again.

In this episode, we'll explore what’s really happening when ADHD brains can’t stop looping, why this pattern ties so closely to emotional sensitivity and shame, and what I've found that finally helps break the cycle.

You’ll learn what doesn’t work, what helps short-term, and the deeper shifts that actually last.

✨ If your brain won’t stop replaying what went wrong — this episode will show you how to soften the pattern and finally find peace.

Resources Mentioned:

• The Self-Loved ADHD Woman Way: How to Stop Playing Small Journal-Book Experience → https://jenbarnes.org/stop-playing-small/
• Journal Back to Self: A 13-Week Guided IFS Journey by my colleague Tara Hedman → → https://www.hedmanwellness.com/journal-back-to-self

—CHAPTERS—

00:00 Introduction: The Replay Loop

01:03 Welcome to the Podcast

01:48 Understanding ADHD and Replaying Thoughts

04:47 Short-Term Solutions That Don't Work

07:06 Effective Long-Term Strategies

13:37 Personal Anecdotes and Deeper Insights

20:32 Conclusion and Call to Action

✨ If you found this episode helpful… Please follow, subscribe, and share it with another ADHD woman who needs support!

💛 Connect with me on social media!

Youtube: @Jenbarnes

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenbarneslicsw/

DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal health or medical advice. We are not responsible for any losses, damages, or liabilities that may arise from the use of this podcast. This podcast is not intended to replace professional medical advice or psychotherapy.

If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency please contact emergency services in your area. If you are in the USA, dial 988 for the Suicide and Crisis line or 911 for a medical emergency.

Have you ever wondered why ADHD feels harder for you than it should? You’ve read the books, tried the planners, and built the systems—but it still feels like you’re swimming upstream every single day.

In this episode, we uncover what’s really going on beneath the surface. You’ll learn why ADHD women often live life on “hard mode,” how chronic nervous-system dysregulation makes everything feel impossible, and what you can do to finally make daily life and focus easier.

We’ll explore the difference between fight, flight, and shutdown states—and how trauma, masking, and constant over-functioning keep your brain stuck in survival mode. You’ll also discover simple ADHD-friendly ways to regulate your nervous system so focus, calm, and motivation start to feel natural again.

✨ If you’re ready to go deeper into healing and creating an inner environment where your brain can finally rest and recharge, check out my journal-book experience:

👉 The Self-Loved ADHD Woman Way: How to Stop Playing Small with ADHD

https://jenbarnes.org/stop-playing-small/

—CHAPTERS—

00:00 Introduction: Why Does Everything Feel So Hard?

00:52 Understanding ADHD and Its Hidden Challenges

01:54 Living Life on Hard Mode with ADHD

03:59 The Impact of a Dysregulated Nervous System

05:24 Fight, Flight, or Shutdown: How Our Nervous System Reacts

11:06 Healing and Regulating Your Nervous System

15:47 Conclusion and Further Resources

✨ If you found this episode helpful… Please follow, subscribe, and share it with another ADHD woman who needs support!

💛 Connect with me on social media!

Youtube: @Jenbarnes

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenbarneslicsw/

DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal health or medical advice. We are not responsible for any losses, damages, or liabilities that may arise from the use of this podcast. This podcast is not intended to replace professional medical advice or psychotherapy.

If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency please contact emergency services in your area. If you are in the USA, dial 988 for the Suicide and Crisis line or 911 for a medical emergency.

Ever sit down to focus and suddenly your brain takes off in 12 directions at once? You’re not alone — and it’s not about willpower.

In this follow-up to last week’s episode, we dive into the real reasons ADHD women lose focus from the inside out — and how to retrain your brain to come back to center without fighting yourself.

You’ll learn science-backed ways to quiet internal noise, work with your Default Mode Network, and rebuild your brain’s focus through mindful repetition, movement, and emotional processing.

By the end, you’ll understand how to stop battling your attention and start cultivating focus that feels calmer, steadier, and actually sustainable.

🎧 Listen in for ADHD-friendly strategies you can start practicing today — no shame, no quick fixes that don’t last, just real tools for real brains.

—CHAPTERS—

00:00 Introduction: The Struggle to Focus

00:16 Recap of Part One: Understanding Internal Distractions

00:37 Today's Focus: Reclaiming Attention

01:23 Welcome and Podcast Overview

02:17 Strategies to Combat Internal Distractions

03:47 Understanding the Default Mode Network

07:58 Mindfulness and Its Benefits

12:09 The Role of Rewards and Motivation

13:58 Managing Emotions and Sensitivity

18:07 Improving Executive Function and Memory

24:57 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

✨ If you found this episode helpful… Please follow, subscribe, and share it with another ADHD woman who needs support!

💛 Connect with me on social media!

Youtube: @Jenbarnes

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenbarneslicsw/

DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal health or medical advice. We are not responsible for any losses, damages, or liabilities that may arise from the use of this podcast. This podcast is not intended to replace professional medical advice or psychotherapy.

If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency please contact emergency services in your area. If you are in the USA, dial 988 for the Suicide and Crisis line or 911 for a medical emergency.