Episodes

  • Hard Things to Bring Up in Therapy | The Map for Messy Honesty

    Hard Things to Bring Up in Therapy | The Map for Messy Honesty
    Nov 6 2025
    Rapid-fire answers to your biggest honesty hurdles: settling vs. standards, dating vs. marriage mindset, online dating that respects your time, inviting more sex without pressure, and handling rejection like a grown-up. Short, practical, and therapist-backed. Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up ⁠HERE⁠ 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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    19 mins
  • Attachment Trauma Series PART 3: Healing Shame: Why Safe Love Feels Scary with Rebecca Prolman

    Attachment Trauma Series PART 3: Healing Shame: Why Safe Love Feels Scary with Rebecca Prolman
    Nov 5 2025
    In this part 3 of our Attachment series, therapist Rebecca Prolman joins John Kim to unpack how childhood misattunement wires shame, why anger isn’t the enemy, and how “emotional completion” helps you reclaim the parts you exiled to survive. They explore corrective relationships (why real safety can feel scary), co-regulation for kids, and practical steps to move from fawning to sovereignty. Key topics & takeaways: Shame as a survival strategy that blocks primary emotions (grief/anger) Emotional completion: feeling what shame protected so it can release Co-regulation vs. punishment/time-outs for children’s anger Corrective relationships: safety, grief, and why “boring” can be secure Depth sustains attraction; chemistry alone burns out Naming early ruptures without making caregivers “villains” Methods mentioned: NARM — Neuro-Affective Relational Model (Dr. Laurence Heller ). Resources (as mentioned by Rebecca): Try Rebecca’s mini course if you’re new to this work; consider the 5-module course for deeper practice HERE Parts 1 HERE & Part 2 of this series HERE 🔗 Follow Rebecca Prolman Instagram | TikTok | YouTube → @rebeccaprolman Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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    51 mins
  • Attachment Trauma Series PART 2 - Connection, Attunement & the Love/Sex Split with Rebecca Prolman

    Attachment Trauma Series PART 2 - Connection, Attunement & the Love/Sex Split with Rebecca Prolman
    Nov 3 2025
    John Kim and Rebecca Prolman unpack how childhood attachment wounds and the shame-based adaptations they create - shape adult relationships. They trace core capacities (connection, attunement, trust, autonomy, love/sexuality) and show how co-regulation and healthy boundaries restore intimacy and desire. Resources mentioned: NARM (NeuroAffective Relational Model) framework and a 5-module course by Rebecca you can find HERE Part 1 of this series HERE 🔗 Follow Rebecca Prolman Instagram | TikTok | YouTube → @rebeccaprolman Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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    46 mins
  • How to Heal From Your Attachment Trauma Series with Rebecca Prolman PART 1

    How to Heal From Your Attachment Trauma Series with Rebecca Prolman PART 1
    Oct 29 2025
    In Part 1 of this 3-episode series, John Kim and licensed therapist Rebecca Prolman break down attachment trauma in clear, human terms. They unpack emotional neglect, nervous-system dysregulation, the NARM approach (NeuroAffective Relational Model), and why so many of us carry shame that isn’t ours. You’ll learn the core dilemma children face (“stay connected to myself or stay safe in the bond?”), how that shapes adult relationships, and why agency + self-compassion are non-negotiables for healing. What you’ll learn: Attachment trauma vs “big-T” trauma Emotional neglect and why it’s so slippery to see The core dilemma and how shame gets internalized NARM, survival strategies, and nervous-system regulation Why we numb (food, sex, alcohol, scrolling) Agency: choosing with awareness instead of self-shame 🔗 Follow Rebecca Prolman Instagram | TikTok | YouTube → @rebeccaprolman Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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    41 mins
  • Falling for Your Therapist: Why It Happens & What It Means

    Falling for Your Therapist: Why It Happens & What It Means
    Oct 27 2025
    What happens when therapy becomes personal? In this raw and honest conversation, John Kim talks with licensed therapist Rebecca Prolman about her real-life experience of falling for her therapist — and what it taught her about attachment, shame, and healing. Together they explore the taboo topic of client-therapist attraction, transference and counter-transference, and how therapy can mirror our deepest childhood wounds. 💬 Topics include: Why we develop crushes on therapists (and what it really means) The difference between a crush and being in love How to talk about attraction safely in therapy When boundaries blur and healing turns into heartbreak Why honesty is the path to repair ✨ Connect with Rebecca Prolman: Instagram | TikTok | YouTube: @rebeccaprolman Website: rebeccaprolman.com Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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    42 mins
  • Hard Things to Bring Up in Therapy | Are You Loving the Wrong Way?

    Hard Things to Bring Up in Therapy | Are You Loving the Wrong Way?
    Oct 23 2025
    In this episode, John dives into some of the most honest, relatable, and raw relationship questions we all face — from managing triggers and attachment styles to knowing when it’s time to let go. If you’ve ever asked yourself “Am I loving the wrong way?” or “How do I know if this relationship is worth it?” — this one’s for you. It’s not about perfect love — it’s about real, healthy connection. Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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    24 mins
  • Why Losing Everything Can Lead to Your Most Authentic Self

    Why Losing Everything Can Lead to Your Most Authentic Self
    Oct 22 2025
    In this special episode, John Kim brings together five brilliant voices - Amy Chan, Terri Cole, Dene Logan, Vanessa Bennett, and Daniel Stewart - for a raw and honest conversation about love, grief, codependency, and what it really means to grow. They unpack: Turning loss into a wake-up call 🌿 The biology of heartbreak and trauma bonds ❤️‍🔥 How to tell if growth is healthy or self-abandonment What a “midlife crisis” is really trying to teach us Redefining partnership, independence, and self-love It’s messy, heartfelt, and deeply human - a quilt of wisdom and laughter about what it means to be alive and love in 2025. Guests: Amy Chan – Author of “Breakup Bootcamp” @missamychan Terri Cole – Author of “The Boundary Boss” & “Too Much” @terricole Dene Logan – Author of “Sovereign Love” @dene.logan Vanessa Bennett – Author of “The Motherhood Myth” @vanessabennetttherapy Daniel Stewart – Psychotherapist, teacher & musician @minstrelion Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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    1 hr and 18 mins
  • Living in Flow: Escaping the Fight-or-Flight Loop

    Living in Flow: Escaping the Fight-or-Flight Loop
    Oct 20 2025
    In this week’s episode, John Kim shares a real story about risk, fear, and transformation. What started as a property deal in Costa Rica turned into a profound reminder about the power of mindset. When we shift from fear to growth, everything changes - from how we love to how we live. ✨ Episode Highlights: How a 25-year-old inspired a new way to think about challenges Why growth mindset leads to freedom Turning your environment into a therapeutic tool Living in flow, not fear Connect with Luis Perez — Costa Rica Real Estate Agent Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/luisperezrealestate/ Website: https://perezrealestategroupcr.com/ Whatsapp: wa.me/50683199154 🌴 John’s first Costa Rica Retreat runs Dec 1–5 - built around play, connection, and somatic wellness. Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You → The Angry Therapist on SubStack Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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    18 mins