In this Reclaim episode, Dr. Kevin Skinner explores the powerful connection between pornography use and mental health, especially anxiety and depression. Many people wonder, “Is pornography causing my anxiety and depression—or am I turning to pornography because I already feel anxious or depressed?” For many, the answer is both. Pornography often begins as a coping strategy—a way to numb, escape, or quiet emotional pain—but over time it can increase anxiety, secrecy, fear of discovery, shame, hopelessness, and emotional disconnection.

Dr. Skinner explains how pornography impacts the nervous system, contributes to anxiety, and fuels depression through shame-based beliefs like, “Something is wrong with me.” He encourages listeners to slow down, understand their personal emotional pathways, reduce shame, and approach themselves with compassion while building real tools for emotional and relational healing.

This episode provides practical steps for healing, including emotional awareness, structure and routine, supportive connection, professional help when appropriate, and reconnecting with meaning, identity, and presence in life and relationships. Healing is possible—reclaiming your life starts with understanding what’s happening inside and choosing healthy action.

• PHQ-9 Depression Questionnaire – assess depression symptoms

• GAD-7 Anxiety Screening Tool – assess anxiety levels

• Work with a therapist experienced in pornography addiction, compulsive behavior, or betrayal trauma

• Consult with a medical professional if anxiety or depression becomes overwhelming

• Build healthy daily routines to reduce vulnerable downtime

• Join support groups, work with a sponsor, and build accountability

• Engage in supportive community to reduce secrecy and shame

• Reclaim: A 12-Week Course to Heal from Pornography and Rebuild Your Life https://www.humanintimacy.com/reclaim Learn emotional regulation skills, coping tools, structure strategies, and relational rebuilding steps.

• Upcoming Human Intimacy Conference Join leading experts, powerful education, and supportive community focused on healing, connection, and rebuilding relationships. Learn more and register: https://www.humanintimacy.com/conference

• Emotional awareness and feeling identification

• Breathing and grounding exercises

• Exercise and wellness routines

• Journaling and reflection

• Reconnecting with purpose, values, and identity

Reclaiming Core Values and Identity

Summary: In this episode of the Reclaim Podcast: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life, Dr. Kevin Skinner explores the essential process of rediscovering who you truly are beneath the layers of shame, secrecy, and behavior patterns. He introduces three key pillars of inner transformation—core values, identity, and differentiation—as the foundation for lasting recovery.

Dr. Skinner explains that core values act as a personal compass, guiding your decisions and defining the kind of person you want to become. By reconnecting with values such as honesty, humility, and kindness, individuals can begin to restore self-respect and integrity.

He then discusses identity, emphasizing that recovery is not just about stopping unwanted behaviors—it’s about integration. Healing occurs when the person you are on the inside matches who you present on the outside. Dr. Skinner shares stories of individuals who have found freedom and self-acceptance by stepping into truth rather than living in fear of exposure.

Finally, Dr. Skinner explores differentiation, the ability to stay true to yourself while remaining emotionally connected to others, even under stress. Drawing on the work of Dr. Murray Bowen and Dr. David Schnarch, he shows how differentiation helps individuals maintain authenticity and integrity, especially when facing relational conflict or shame.

Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own values, clarify their motivations for change, and write the statement:

“When I live my core value, I am ________.”

This exercise helps solidify internal alignment and fosters growth toward living as the truest version of oneself.

Suggested Resources:

• Skinner, K. (Author). Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal

• Skinner, K. (Author). Rebuild Your Relationship After Sexual Betrayal

• Bowen, M. (1978). Family Therapy in Clinical Practice

• Schnarch, D. (1997). Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships

• Frankl, V. (1959). Man’s Search for Meaning

• Visit HumanIntimacy.com/Reclaim for additional courses and tools on rebuilding identity and connection.

Drawing on 31 years of clinical experience, Dr. Skinner unpacks how secrecy, betrayal, and shame fracture intimacy and safety in relationships. He explains how shame often drives hiding, defensiveness, and withdrawal, while also preventing authentic connection. Moving beyond shame means taking accountability, choosing honesty, and creating space for compassion toward self and partner.

Listeners are guided through the core principles of repair — honesty, consistency, and empathy — and are introduced to practical steps such as daily check-ins, reflective listening, and couples agreements. Dr. Skinner also explains structured repair processes like full disclosure, impact letters, and emotional restitution letters as tools for rebuilding trust.

The episode closes with a reflection assignment: writing a Letter of Intent that outlines how you want to show up differently in relationships, what commitments you are willing to make, and how you will face shame honestly as a path toward growth.

• Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal

• Rebuild Your Relationship after Sexual Betrayal

• Treating Pornography Addiction

• Becker, M. & Kwee, A. (2020). Compassion for Couples: Building the Skills of Forgiveness, Empathy, and Mindfulness.

• Tatkin, S. (2016). Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship.

• Duhigg, C. (2023). Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection.

• Recovery Capital Scale – measure the personal and relational resources that support long-term healing.

• Sexual Stress Inventory – identify areas of stress influencing pornography use and relationships.

• Intimacy Scale (HumanIntimacy.com) – reflect on strengths and growth areas in relational connection.

In this episode of Reclaim: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life, Dr. Kevin Skinner explores one of the most common challenges in recovery—triggers. Whether external (images, places, sounds, people) or internal (stress, boredom, loneliness, anger), triggers are inevitable. But as Dr. Skinner explains, the trigger itself isn’t the problem—it’s how we respond that matters.

You’ll learn practical strategies for handling triggers, including:

• Building awareness and naming the trigger when it arises.

• Using grounding techniques like deep breathing, body scans, and the butterfly hug.

• Practicing journaling and reflection to create space between stimulus and response.

• Relying on a support system of accountability partners and groups.

• Preparing a trigger game plan for high-risk times and environments (like late at night or when alone).

By developing awareness and intentional responses, you can stop the “automatic reaction” cycle and create new neural pathways that strengthen your recovery. As Dr. Skinner reminds us: You can’t stop a bird from landing on your head, but you can stop it from building a nest.

This episode invites you to reflect on your personal triggers, identify whether they’re internal or external, and build a plan so you’re ready the next time the trigger hits.

• The Butterfly Hug Technique (grounding tool): Video Guide

• Human Intimacy Assessments & Resources: humanintimacy.com/reclaim

• Book: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk – understanding how trauma and triggers affect the body

• Book: Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl – insights on creating space between stimulus and response

• 12-Week Reclaim Course: Practical guidance and exercises for recovery (available at humanintimacy.com/reclaim)

Guarding Your Mind:

Digital Boundaries for Real Freedom

In this episode of the Reclaim Podcast: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life, Dr. Kevin Skinner addresses one of the most pressing challenges of our time: navigating a digital world overflowing with sexualized content. From social media feeds to billboards, temptations are everywhere, and without clear boundaries recovery can feel impossible.

Through story and practical teaching, Dr. Skinner outlines how to protect your mind, body, and time in the digital age. He introduces simple, actionable strategies—like curating your media intake, creating device-free spaces, and building healthier routines—to design an environment where recovery can thrive.

The episode also highlights the COAL approach (Curiosity, Openness/Observation, Acceptance, Loving Kindness), a mindfulness framework developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, to help individuals respond effectively to triggers without shame or fear.

Listeners are invited to reflect on their biggest digital triggers, write down three specific steps to protect themselves, and explore deeper recovery strategies through the 12-week Reclaim course at HumanIntimacy.com/Reclaim.

• Accountability & Filtering Tools

  • Covenant Eyes

  • Canopy

  • Net Nanny

• The COAL Approach (Dan Siegel’s mindfulness framework)

  • Curiosity – explore what you’re thinking/feeling without judgment

  • Openness/Observation – acknowledge what’s happening inside and around you

  • Acceptance – recognize triggers without fear or denial

  • Loving Kindness – respond to yourself with compassion instead of shame

• Lifestyle Practices to Reduce Cravings

  • Regular sleep

  • Exercise and movement

  • Healthy nutrition

  • Intentional use of time (journaling, calling a friend, reading, walking, swimming)

• The Reclaim Course

  • A 12-week guided program with step-by-step strategies for recovery

  • Available at: HumanIntimacy.com/Reclaim

The Power of Honesty:

Accountability and Disclosure in Recovery

In this episode of the Reclaim Podcast: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life, Dr. Kevin Skinner explores how honesty, accountability, and disclosure accelerate the recovery process. Pornography thrives in secrecy and isolation, but when the truth is brought into the light, shame loses its grip and healing becomes possible.

Dr. Skinner shares a powerful story of a man living a double life, highlighting the freedom that comes when honesty replaces deception. He explains why accountability is essential—whether through a sponsor, group, mentor, or trusted friend—and how consistency in truth-telling builds integrity and self-confidence.

A major focus is on the disclosure process:

• For married/partnered individuals, disclosure must be thoughtful, structured, and often guided by a professional to avoid re-traumatizing a partner.

• For singles, disclosure means coming fully clean with oneself, with God (if spiritual), and with a trusted accountability partner—building transparency today to prepare for intimacy tomorrow.

The episode concludes with practical steps, journal prompts, and an invitation to track not just abstinence streaks but honesty streaks. Listeners are encouraged to begin sharing the truth in safe ways, moving from secrecy and self-deception toward a life of integrity and freedom.

• Dr. Anna Lembke – Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence (on honesty as a path to freedom and behavior change).

• Human Intimacy: Reclaim Course – A 12-week journey covering recovery capital, emotional regulation, and disclosure preparation.

• Patrick Carnes – Out of the Shadows (a foundational work on secrecy, shame, and sexual compulsivity).

• Brene Brown – Daring Greatly (on vulnerability and the power of truth-telling).

• Accountability Tools – Daily accountability worksheet at humanintimacy.com/reclaim.

Buffalo Up: Emotional Strength for Lasting Recovery

In this episode of Reclaim: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life, Dr. Kevin Skinner introduces a powerful metaphor from the plains—the difference between cows and buffalo in facing a storm. Cows run away, only to suffer longer. Buffalo turn toward the storm, facing it head-on, and pass through more quickly.

Much like the buffalo, recovery requires us to “buffalo up”—to face our difficult emotions and unmet needs rather than running from them. Pornography often becomes an unhealthy escape from feelings like loneliness, shame, or anxiety. By learning to name emotions, self-soothe, and connect with others, you can build emotional resiliency, reduce shame, and find real freedom on the other side of the storm.

This episode will give you practical tools to pause, reflect, and choose healthier ways to meet your emotional needs—so you can strengthen yourself for lasting recovery.

• Reclaim: A 12-Week Course to Heal from Pornography and Rebuild Your Life Go deeper with strategies, guided exercises, and tools to help you face difficult emotions and create long-term change. 👉 Learn more and enroll here

• Episode Reflection Prompt:

  1. Before acting out, pause and name what you’re feeling.

  2. Ask: What unmet need is really behind this urge?

  3. Decide: How can I face this storm like the buffalo instead of running from it?

• Previous Episode: Breaking the Cycle: Rewiring the Brain

• Next Episode: Boundaries and Safety in the Recovery Journey