Reclaiming Core Values and Identity

Summary: In this episode of the Reclaim Podcast: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life, Dr. Kevin Skinner explores the essential process of rediscovering who you truly are beneath the layers of shame, secrecy, and behavior patterns. He introduces three key pillars of inner transformation—core values, identity, and differentiation—as the foundation for lasting recovery.

Dr. Skinner explains that core values act as a personal compass, guiding your decisions and defining the kind of person you want to become. By reconnecting with values such as honesty, humility, and kindness, individuals can begin to restore self-respect and integrity.

He then discusses identity, emphasizing that recovery is not just about stopping unwanted behaviors—it’s about integration. Healing occurs when the person you are on the inside matches who you present on the outside. Dr. Skinner shares stories of individuals who have found freedom and self-acceptance by stepping into truth rather than living in fear of exposure.

Finally, Dr. Skinner explores differentiation, the ability to stay true to yourself while remaining emotionally connected to others, even under stress. Drawing on the work of Dr. Murray Bowen and Dr. David Schnarch, he shows how differentiation helps individuals maintain authenticity and integrity, especially when facing relational conflict or shame.

Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own values, clarify their motivations for change, and write the statement:

“When I live my core value, I am ________.”

This exercise helps solidify internal alignment and fosters growth toward living as the truest version of oneself.

Suggested Resources:

• Skinner, K. (Author). Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal

• Skinner, K. (Author). Rebuild Your Relationship After Sexual Betrayal

• Bowen, M. (1978). Family Therapy in Clinical Practice

• Schnarch, D. (1997). Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships

• Frankl, V. (1959). Man’s Search for Meaning

• Visit HumanIntimacy.com/Reclaim for additional courses and tools on rebuilding identity and connection.