What if the silence you've been keeping in your relationship is actually one of the most costly things you've ever done? In this episode of Pleasure in the Pause, host Gabriella Espinosa sits down with licensed psychotherapist and nationally recognized relationship expert Colette Jane Fehr, author of The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love. Together, they explore why so many midlife women silence their needs in relationships, how conflict avoidance quietly erodes intimacy and wellbeing, and what it actually takes to speak your truth in a way that creates deeper connection rather than more distance. If you've ever chosen peace over honesty and wondered why you still feel so alone, this conversation is for you.

Colette Jane Fehr is a licensed psychotherapist and nationally recognized relationship expert. She’s the author of The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love and co-hosts the hit podcasts Insights from the Couch: Real Talk for Women at Midlife and Love Thy Neighbor: The Relationship Show. Her TEDx talk Secrets of a Couples Therapist was selected as a TED Editors’ Pick.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• Why conflict avoidance is not always silent and can show up as people pleasing, over-explaining, bickering, or emotional withdrawal.
• How early attachment experiences and the nervous system shape our communication patterns in adult relationships.
• What co-regulation is and why it is one of the most powerful tools for calming conflict and deepening connection.
• Colette's method of self-connected communication, speaking from a grounded, honest, compassionate adult self.
• How to build the muscle of speaking up starting with small, low-stakes conversations outside of your romantic relationship.

If this conversation stirred something in you, I want you to take one small action today. Take Colette's free communication style quiz at colettejane fehr.com to discover how you show up in conflict, and pick up her book

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

CONNECT WITH COLETTE JANE FEHR:

Purchase The Cost of Quiet: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

Substack: www.colettejanefehr.substack.com

Instagram & TikTok: @colettejanefehr

Website: colettejanefehr.com

TEDx talk “Secrets from a Couples Therapist”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tSUOB2yEd0

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Go to https://www.gabriellaespinosa.com/ to book a call.

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

What if the most important love story you nurture this Valentine's Week isn't with a partner, but with yourself? In this conversation on Pleasure in the Pause, host Gabriella Espinosa sits down with Amy St. Germain, founder of Oboo, a pleasure-forward wellness brand creating tools designed specifically for midlife bodies.

This episode is a shame-free exploration of self-pleasure as self-care, the health benefits of vibrators for midlife women, and why desire doesn't disappear as our bodies change. Whether you're navigating dryness, decreased sensitivity, or simply want to reclaim pleasure on your own terms, this conversation reminds you that your body is amazing at every age.

Amy St. Germain is the founder of Oboo, a pleasure-forward wellness brand creating tools and products designed for midlife bodies. What started as her own wake-up call turned into a mission to make intimacy, desire, and self-pleasure feel accessible, practical, and shame-free. Through Oboo's thoughtfully designed products and open, honest conversations, Amy helps women feel more at home in their bodies, laugh a little more about the changes of midlife, and stay open to trying something new. Her approach blends curiosity, humor, and real-life usefulness. Her favorite reminder: desire doesn't disappear in midlife. It just needs better lighting, better language, and better tools.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• 50% of women over 50 stop having sex or being intimate altogether, but we have at least 30 more years to enjoy pleasure.
• Vibrators aren't just for pleasure. They improve blood flow, reduce dryness, support pelvic floor health, and can even reduce hot flashes.
• The "Pleasure Reset" is five minutes of pressure-free self-pleasure with no goal, no performance, just reconnection with your body.
• Better lighting, better language, and better tools are what desire needs in midlife, not fixing something that's broken.
• Pregaming (warming yourself up before partner intimacy) takes the pressure off and allows you to arrive ready and connected.
• Using lubricant makes everything feel better, even if you don't think you need it. Comfort first, then move to the next steps.

Connect with Amy St. Germain:

Website

Instagram

Resources Mentioned:

Blog - The Pleasure Reset (5-minute pressure-free self-pleasure practice)

Kinsey Institute research on self-pleasure and symptom relief

Ep 80 Good Vibes

Ep 64 Communicating with a Partner about Pleasure

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

What happens when your child's mental health crisis becomes your entire world and you quietly lose yourself in the process? In this debut episode of Return to Her, a new monthly series on Pleasure in the Pause, host Gabriella Espinosa sits down with lifestyle host and midlife influencer Lizzie Bermudez for an honest conversation about walking through over three years of her daughter's mental health struggles while putting her own life completely on hold.

Lizzie shares what it felt like to be her daughter's primary caretaker in survival mode, how she navigated the isolation and stigma surrounding mental health, and the turning point when she finally realized the best thing she could do for her daughter was take care of herself. This is a powerful story about caregiving, crisis, and the slow, messy, beautiful journey of coming home to yourself again.

Lizzie is a lifestyle host, podcaster and midlife influencer. She helps women embrace the "middle ages" by sharing tips, tricks, and interviews about looking and feeling your best when it comes to midlife, menopause and empty nesting. Lizzie B's audience knows she doesn't take herself too seriously, and viewers love following her entertaining behind-the-scenes stories on Instagram and TikTok.

Lizzie also spent 20-plus years as an Emmy award-winning broadcast journalist and host. During that time, she interviewed everyone from celebrities to CEOs to presidents and developed the skills of storytelling and engaging viewers.

If you ask Lizzie her favorite thing about switching from traditional media to digital, she’ll proudly tell you she can say just about whatever the eff she wants and no longer needs a full face of makeup to go on camera.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• When your child struggles with mental health, the isolation is overwhelming. People don't know what to say, so they say nothing.
• DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) gave her family tools and a shared language to navigate emotional regulation and crisis.
• Learning that two things can be true at once expanded her capacity to hold conflicting emotions without judgment.
• Coming home to herself feels like lightness. Waking up smiling again, cortisol releasing, opening to friendships after years of isolation.
• Laughter was medicine. Even in the darkest days, finding one thing to laugh about each day became a survival tool.

If you're in the thick of caregiving and losing yourself, if you're slowly coming back, or if you're still figuring it out—this conversation reminds you that returning to yourself is always possible. Listen now and discover that even after the most intense seasons, lightness and joy can return.

CONNECT WITH LIZZIE BERMUDEZ:

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Full episodes on YouTube.

The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.