What if the silence you've been keeping in your relationship is actually one of the most costly things you've ever done? In this episode of Pleasure in the Pause, host Gabriella Espinosa sits down with licensed psychotherapist and nationally recognized relationship expert Colette Jane Fehr, author of The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love. Together, they explore why so many midlife women silence their needs in relationships, how conflict avoidance quietly erodes intimacy and wellbeing, and what it actually takes to speak your truth in a way that creates deeper connection rather than more distance. If you've ever chosen peace over honesty and wondered why you still feel so alone, this conversation is for you.

Colette Jane Fehr is a licensed psychotherapist and nationally recognized relationship expert. She’s the author of The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love and co-hosts the hit podcasts Insights from the Couch: Real Talk for Women at Midlife and Love Thy Neighbor: The Relationship Show. Her TEDx talk Secrets of a Couples Therapist was selected as a TED Editors’ Pick.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• Why conflict avoidance is not always silent and can show up as people pleasing, over-explaining, bickering, or emotional withdrawal.
• How early attachment experiences and the nervous system shape our communication patterns in adult relationships.
• What co-regulation is and why it is one of the most powerful tools for calming conflict and deepening connection.
• Colette's method of self-connected communication, speaking from a grounded, honest, compassionate adult self.
• How to build the muscle of speaking up starting with small, low-stakes conversations outside of your romantic relationship.

If this conversation stirred something in you, I want you to take one small action today. Take Colette's free communication style quiz at colettejane fehr.com to discover how you show up in conflict, and pick up her book

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

CONNECT WITH COLETTE JANE FEHR:

Purchase The Cost of Quiet: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

Substack: www.colettejanefehr.substack.com

Instagram & TikTok: @colettejanefehr

Website: colettejanefehr.com

TEDx talk “Secrets from a Couples Therapist”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tSUOB2yEd0

CONNECT WITH GABRIELLA ESPINOSA:

Instagram

LinkedIn

Work with Gabriella!

Go to https://www.gabriellaespinosa.com/ to book a call.

Full episodes on YouTube.

The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.