In this episode, Dr. Mark Ettensohn challenges one of the most persistent distortions in contemporary discourse on narcissism: the myth of “the narcissist.”

He explains how this cultural archetype, an image of coldness, cruelty, and manipulation, has eclipsed legitimate clinical understanding of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Drawing on both the peer-reviewed literature and his clinical experience, Dr. Ettensohn describes how terms like narcissistic abuse, covert narcissism, and narcissistic supply have come to dominate popular psychology despite lacking grounding in peer-reviewed research.

The episode explores how this narrative misleads clinicians, alienates patients, and perpetuates stigma, while offering a more accurate view of pathological narcissism as a defensive structure rooted in shame, vulnerability, and loss.

Dr. Ettensohn argues that it is time to discard the myth of “the narcissist” and replace it with a more compassionate, evidence-based understanding of NPD...one that recognizes both the pain it causes and the suffering it defends against.

Additional Resources

Website: https://healnpd.org

Newsletter: https://healnpd.substack.com

Assessment and therapy inquiries: https://healnpd.org/contact

Purchase Unmasking Narcissism: A Guide to Understanding the Narcissist in Your Life here: https://amzn.to/3nG9FgH

Related Links:

In-depth exploration of the DSM NPD construct: https://youtu.be/I2fD65wy48I

SUBSCRIBE HERE: https://rb.gy/kbhusf

LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS: https://rb.gy/cklpum

LISTEN ON GOOGLE PODCASTS: https://rb.gy/fotpca

LISTEN ON AMAZON MUSIC: https://rb.gy/g4yzh8

This episode marks the beginning of a new educational series from Heal NPD, featuring Dr. Mark Ettensohn and his associates: Deanna Young, Psy.D. and Danté Spencer, MA.

This series offers a rare window into clinical reasoning and supervision, bringing viewers inside real discussions about theory, diagnosis, and treatment of personality pathology. In this first seminar, the group examines an influential paper by Pincus & Lukowitsky (2010) and explores one of the central challenges in the field: how to define pathological narcissism.

The conversation addresses the criterion problem surrounding narcissism. That is, the lack of a unified construct definition. It traces how this has led to conflicting models and measures of narcissism.

Topics include the distinction between pathological narcissism and NPD, the interplay of grandiosity and vulnerability, the overlap with depression and trauma, and emerging dimensional approaches to understanding personality.

This series is designed for clinicians, students, and anyone interested in a deeper and more integrative understanding of narcissism, personality, and self-regulation.

To learn more about our work, visit www.HealNPD.org

Citation for the article discussed: Pincus, A. L., & Lukowitsky, M. R. (2010). Pathological narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 6, 421–446. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.clinpsy.121208.131215

Dr. Ettensohn reflects on the recent loss of his father.

Drawing on both clinical theory and personal experience, he explores how children internalize idealized images of caregivers as a source of safety and reassurance during times of vulnerability.

This episode examines how these idealizations can provide stability but also carry developmental costs if they are never gradually tempered by ordinary disappointments and the recognition of parental imperfection.

Dr. Ettensohn situates this dynamic within the broader context of self-psychology, showing how therapy can become a place where idealized projections are worked through and reclaimed in more realistic form.

With psychological nuance and openness, he shares how this process unfolded in his own relationship with his father, moving from idealization toward a fuller recognition of imperfection, accountability, and authentic connection.

The goal, as he frames it, is not to reject or diminish the idealized parent, but to integrate those images into a more grounded sense of self and relationship.

Purchase Unmasking Narcissism: A Guide to Understanding the Narcissist in Your Life here: https://amzn.to/3nG9FgH

LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS: https://rb.gy/cklpum LISTEN ON GOOGLE PODCASTS: https://rb.gy/fotpca LISTEN ON AMAZON MUSIC: https://rb.gy/g4yzh8

VISIT THE WEBSITE: https://www.healnpd.org

Dr. Ettensohn expands on his recent episode exploring splitting as a dissociative process.

Drawing from clinical experience and developmental theory, he addresses a common question: What’s the difference between splitting, identity diffusion, and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)?

Rather than viewing these as separate diagnostic constructs, Dr. Ettensohn presents them as points along a continuum of dissociation. They represent defensive adaptations to overwhelming early experience.

He explains why the traditional boundaries between “personality disorders” and “dissociative disorders” may be more fluid than we think.

This episode continues Dr. Ettensohn’s unique, trauma-informed reframing of narcissistic personality dynamics, offering psychological depth without jargon and compassion without minimization.

Purchase Unmasking Narcissism: A Guide to Understanding the Narcissist in Your Life here: https://amzn.to/3nG9FgH

LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS: https://rb.gy/cklpum LISTEN ON GOOGLE PODCASTS: https://rb.gy/fotpca LISTEN ON AMAZON MUSIC: https://rb.gy/g4yzh8

VISIT THE WEBSITE: https://www.healnpd.org

In this episode, Dr. Ettensohn offers a groundbreaking perspective on one of the most misunderstood features of pathological narcissism: splitting.

Drawing from the work of Philip Bromberg and his own clinical practice, Dr. Ettensohn reframes splitting not as black-and-white thinking, but as a dissociative process rooted in early relational trauma.

Rather than treating splitting as a rigid symptom, this episode explores how dissociated self-states form when conflicting emotional truths, such as shame, longing, idealization, and rage, cannot safely coexist. What looks like instability or contradiction is actually a protective adaptation.

Dr. Ettensohn shows how these self-states develop as compartmentalized responses to unmanageable experience, and how they survive into adulthood, shaping identity, memory, and relationships.

Through clear explanation and compassionate framing, he illustrates how healing involves standing in the spaces between self-states, without collapsing into any one of them.

Whether you live with these experiences yourself or work with people who do, this video offers a radically humanizing and clinically grounded way to understand dissociation, narcissism, and the divided self.

References: Bromberg, P. M. (1996). Standing in the spaces: The multiplicity of self and the psychoanalytic relationship. Contemporary Psychoanalysis, 32(4), 509–535.

Purchase Unmasking Narcissism: A Guide to Understanding the Narcissist in Your Life here: https://amzn.to/3nG9FgH

LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS: https://rb.gy/cklpum LISTEN ON GOOGLE PODCASTS: https://rb.gy/fotpca LISTEN ON AMAZON MUSIC: https://rb.gy/g4yzh8

VISIT THE WEBSITE: https://www.healnpd.org

In this Weekly Insight, Dr. Ettensohn explores subtle signs of false self experiencing. Drawing from clinical work and developmental theory, he reflects on how early relational demands can lead individuals to organize their identity around performance, compliance, or emotional suppression.

The episode examines how precocious self-monitoring, idealized emotional states, and internalized expectations often become automatic, forming a false self that feels necessary for connection but ultimately leaves authentic self experience obscured.

Dr. Ettensohn situates the false self as a broad survival strategy shaped by narcissogenic environments. With compassion and psychological nuance, he offers signs that may indicate someone is operating from a false self, and encourages viewers to reflect gently on moments of disconnection, exhaustion, or rigid self-presentation. The goal, as he frames it, is not to attack or dismantle these protective structures, but to begin noticing them and allowing more space for what is real.

LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS: https://rb.gy/cklpum LISTEN ON GOOGLE PODCASTS: https://rb.gy/fotpca LISTEN ON AMAZON MUSIC: https://rb.gy/g4yzh8

VISIT THE WEBSITE: https://www.healnpd.org

In this Weekly Insight, Dr. Ettensohn addresses widespread misconceptions about narcissism by clarifying what the term does not mean. Drawing on clinical examples and years of engagement with public discourse, he explores how the label “narcissist” has become a cultural catch-all for behaviors that are often common, non-pathological, and only proximally related to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). This episode examines how actions such as setting a boundary, avoiding emotional intimacy, or disagreeing with someone’s interpretation of events are frequently misread as narcissistic - especially when filtered through shame, hurt, or interpersonal conflict. Dr. Ettensohn distinguishes these behaviors from the psychological structure of narcissism, which involves instability in self-esteem regulation and associated interpersonal strategies. He also addresses the growing tendency to conflate narcissism with abuse, control, gaslighting, or moral failure, arguing that these associations undermine both clinical clarity and compassion. Misusing the term “narcissism” can lead to stigmatization, inhibit treatment-seeking, and reinforce rigid victim-abuser narratives that obscure the mutual complexity of relational harm. This Weekly Insight is a call for greater nuance, clinical integrity, and psychological humility. By understanding what narcissism isn’t, we create more space to see what it is, and how it might be worked with more constructively in both cultural discourse and clinical care. Purchase Unmasking Narcissism: A Guide to Understanding the Narcissist in Your Life here: https://amzn.to/3nG9FgH LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS: https://rb.gy/cklpum LISTEN ON GOOGLE PODCASTS: https://rb.gy/fotpca LISTEN ON AMAZON MUSIC: https://rb.gy/g4yzh8 VISIT THE WEBSITE: https://www.healnpd.org

Join Dr. Mark Ettensohn from Heal NPD for a live broadcast answering questions and responding to viewer comments.