Good morning, Five Minute Families! We are so glad to be with you again this morning. Today we are closing out our three-week discussion of marriage. We are tackling one of the biggest and most troublesome parts of marriage, communication. But before we go there, we want you to ask yourself, “have I given my marriage an intentional five minutes MORE to connect with my spouse and build a stronger family for God’s kingdom?

One of the reasons we ask that question is to look more to the purpose and not just the mechanics of marriage. Where is your heart in all that you say and do? We know so many couples that choose to read books, listen to podcasts, or go to conferences to gain more knowledge about how to have a better marriage, but they never stop to look at the reason why. Probably the biggest skill sets taught at marriage conferences and events are communication skills.

Don’t get us wrong, I am a communication major and Jim is a counselor. Communication skills and research matter greatly to both of us. It is by applying communication skills and practices that I learned in my college classes that Jim and I are able to choose to engage in conversation even when there is conflict. Those skills have served us when hurts and tragedies surrounded us, and I was floundering greatly. Applying the communication skill of “What I heard you say is…” saved us many hours, days, or weeks of hurt because we were able to address the issue immediately. (check out our March 31 blog on listening for more information if you don’t know what the “What I heard you say is…” skill involves).

But, we all must realize that communication is more than a set of skills to be learned; communication – especially in marriage – is a heart’s attitude showing you value the person with whom you are communicating. If you have ever seen the movie Fireproof, you would have heard about the Love Dare. As the character is going through the motions of the Love Dare, doing and saying certain things to “win her back,” at one point he gets frustrated that his wife is not responding. The lead character’s father points out that his heart isn’t really in it.

Where is your heart when you communicate with your spouse? Are you listening fully and trying to understand, or are you waiting for him to hurry up and finish so you can get back to your Amazon Prime Video? Applying Ephesians 4:29 which says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” can be hard when we are home after a long day of controlling our tongues with the annoying work colleague or a long day of dealing with children who neither listen nor understand when they do. We so often slip into the “social media” way of communicating. You know, saying whatever we want, whenever we want, and expecting a non-committal “I’m sorry” afterward to suffice for our inherently bad behavior.

We would like to highlight five points that can radically change your marital communication:

1. First, always pray before addressing an issue with your spouse (and, well, with anyone really).
2. Second – and also before addressing any situation, ask yourself if this is a potentially explosive topic that might need to be discussed at a different, prescribed time.
3. Next, make sure you choose your words carefully. Take a moment to make sure the word you are choosing is the one that best conveys your thoughts AND remember to choose words that you know will help your spouse better understand you.
4. Number 4, please remember that your joking may not be as innocently taken as you intend it to be.
5. Finally, if you are already in the heat of the moment of conflict, remember that is never too late to do that right thing.

We ask again, where is your heart’s focus when you communicate with your spouse? Are the words of your mouth acceptable to the Lord? Are you...

Good morning, Five Minute Families. Thank you for joining us today. If you would like more information about the ministry we lead at Clear View Retreat, please check us out at www.clearviewretreat.org.

Today we wanna talk about an old saying that has been attributed to a number of different people, so we can’t give proper credit, but the saying goes,

“Good, better, best, never let it rest until your good is better and your better is best.”

In our walk with Christ, through our daily living, interacting with others, ourselves, and God, we should strive to be more Christ-like. Christ demonstrated the best relationships and perfect life for us as our model. It is through the process of sanctification and growth in love, that we can start to think like Christ. God tells us in 2 Corinthians 10:15 to “take every thought captive to obey Christ.”

We start to realize that: Our first thoughts are often not our best thoughts, so, never let it rest until our first thoughts are God thoughts and those are best.

When your child has disobeyed you deliberately for the 5th time that day… what are your first thoughts? what are your God thoughts?

When your spouse has ignored you because of a fight from five days ago… what are your first thoughts? what are your God thoughts?

When you are overwhelmed and tired and still something else needs to be done for a loved one… what are your first thoughts? what are your God thoughts?

You see, Five Minute Families, if we don’t take the time to take our first thoughts captive as God tells us and then choose to meditate on His Word to decide how to move forward or how to respond, we often end up in defeat, irritation, or even condemnation. So many places of hurt and additional challenges will arise if we do not remember that while we are new creations when we have been saved by Christ, we are still on this earthly journey. Our flesh and natural first thoughts will still rear their ugly heads.

One modern example of not giving over to first thoughts can be seen time and again in social media. Averaged across demographics over 80% of adults in the United States have a mobile device and at least half of those – and probably more if the numbers based out of the UK are an accurate reflection – are smartphones. That means that we all have social media at our fingertips. Think about social media and first thoughts versus God thoughts. Facebook asks us, “what’s one your mind?” But, should we always answer that question aloud to anyone but the Lord? We all have at least one friend who spouts off and overshares on social media, often deleting or regretting his or her post. Five minute families must choose to do better.

One way we tried to deal with this in our home was by removing phones, tablets, or computers immediately if the boys got in trouble. Of course, the kids thought this was a punishment. However, that was not our motivation, although continued removal sometimes was necessary for discipline. Removal of their attachments to social media and friends via text and messaging was because we knew as adults their first thought might be to send a frustrated message to a friend or possibly post a rude comment online. Those immediate rants could then later open them up to continuing the hurt or negative situation even after the pain may have subsided or the situation may have been resolved.

Setting our kids up for success in learning how to deal with first thoughts versus God thoughts takes thinking about each past and future potential situation and seeing how we can help them navigate those difficult moments. We must resolve to remind our families about God when we sit in our houses and when we walk by the way, and when we lie down and when we rise up.

Please head over to our blog or facebook page to share with us your ideas about first thoughts versus God thoughts.

We appreciate your letting...

Good morning, Five Minute Families! It is wonderful to joining you this first Tuesday of July 2020. This year has brought so many challenges and difficulties as well as unexpected blessings. We pray that God has shown you His power and might through all the unknowns.

This morning we would like to chat about family freedom. First, let’s define freedom. Freedom means “the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.”

So often in life we do not actually have the freedoms we think we do. We all answer to someone, somehow. With July 4th being last weekend, many pastors and evangelists were pointing out the freedom we have in Christ Jesus. He paid for our sins, and we are free from the eternal consequences of them. But, as most of us have found out one way or another, the earthly consequences will, in all likelihood, still come.

Because of the consequences of bad behavior at work or in some public space, many of us do not feel free to truly be ourselves or act the way we want. Thus, unfortunately, many of us “let it all go” when we’re get home. Just as we addressed last week, we give over to our first thoughts instead of pausing and focusing instead on God thoughts.

There is balance to be found between sharing our true feelings and thoughts with learning to pause and respond well in God’s manner. Turning your mind to God thoughts does not mean ignoring all your hurts, needs, or wants. Focusing on God thoughts is not meant to remove the unique qualities He placed in you. God thoughts are meant to better who He made YOU to be, to allow you and your family members the freedom to explore the full meaning of John 8:36, “So, if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”

Let us give you an example of what we mean. The other night at dinner one of our sons said something that we both thought was said simply to scare his youngest brother, but the one who said it was so upset by our admonishment that we had to take a step back, figuratively, and ask him if he truly believed what he had just said. He fully believed it; it was a typical false belief about Satan and darkness. Once we realized that we needed to help him understand the truth about evil and darkness, we also knew we needed to repair the damage we had done by the admonishment. We had to explain that we were not upset but glad he had spoken what he believed to be true. False beliefs cannot be explained and reevaluated if they are never brought up and discussed.

God instructs parents to provide love, learning, necessities, and more. One of the things we need to provide is family freedom. This allows both parent and child to grow in their knowledge of each other and for the parent to prayerfully consider the way the Lord is guiding the child and grow to a deeper understanding of God’s purpose and plan for the child. A Five Minute Family must have a home in which everyone is allowed to:

Communicate their hopes and dreams,

Confess their mistakes,

Express their fears,

Ask their questions,

And share what they have learned.

When we encouraged you last week to pause after your first thoughts and work toward only responding with God thoughts, it was not to stifle who you are or to remove the freedom we all so desperately need in life. No, God thoughts give us MORE freedom because we know that those who love us will be understanding and kind when we make mistakes. (Of course, sometimes we laugh, too, but not AT each other, only WITH each other). God thoughts in a family allow us MORE freedom to be ourselves because we know that those around us will lift us up and we know that God has so much more planned for our uniqueness than the limits we place.

Is your family living in freedom? Are you seeking God and His ways – His thoughts – to build each other up? Begin today with just five minutes of mediation on His word and then sharing those

Good morning, Five Minute Families. How has your week been so far? We pray that the Lord meets you today in a mighty and wonderful way so that you know His power and His hope and His glory.

Alongside our key concept of intentional intimacy here at Clear View Retreat, we always encouraging families to disconnect to reconnect. Disconnect from technology and from other distractions in order to reconnect with the Lord and with your loved ones.

A Greek word used several times throughout the New Testament is koinonia which means ‘Christian fellowship or communion, with God or, more commonly, with fellow Christians.’ A few synonyms for koininia are

1. fellowship
2. association
3. community
4. communion
5. joint participation
6. or intimacy

Listen and contemplate these Bible verses. We are going to highlight the koinonia words as we read:

1 Corinthians 1:9 – God is faithful; you were called by him into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

1 Corinthians 10:16 – The cup of blessing that we bless, is it not a sharing in the blood of Christ? The bread that we break, is it not a sharing in the body of Christ?

Philippians 1:5 – because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now.

Philippians 2:1 If then there is any encouragement in Christ, if any consolation of love, if any fellowship with the spirit, if any affection and mercy,

Philippians 3:10 – My goal is to know him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings, being conformed to his death,

1 John 1:3 – what we have seen and heard we also declare to you, so that you may also have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ.

1 John 1:6 – If we say, “We have fellowship with him,” and yet we walk in darkness, we are lying and are not practicing the truth.

Philemon 1:6 – I pray that your participation in the faith may become effective through knowing every good thing that is in us for the glory of Christ.

What trends are running through those verses beyond the koinonia definition we mentioned earlier?

1. A calling into fellowship and into community
2. Deep communion with the Father, through Christ and in Christ, knowing even his suffering
3. Partnering and participating in the gospel
4. Sharing Christ with one another
5. Being united in the Spirit with intentional purpose
6. And Practicing the truth together

John 13:34 encourages us to love one another as Christ has loved us. And, Proverbs 27:17 tells us, “Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another.”

Easy, right? How do we even do that? Have any of you chopped wood? Have you ever done it with a dull axe? You wear yourself out using a dull tool. That’s why God uses the analogy of iron sharpening iron. Even in loving we can grow weary and tired. That is normal; that is humanity. So, we must sharpen our axes through the fellowship of biblical community. A favorite quote of mine is from Charles Swindoll: “A family is a place where principles are hammered and honed on the anvil of everyday living.”

Families are on the front lines, and the front lines need and deserve support, encouragement, and koinonia. Essentially, we need and are designed for biblical community. Please note that Christ is the head and connected to our community. He is NOT the priority of the biblical community. He is the REASON for it. He is preeminent. Biblical community based on saints who care and disciple another and who give and receive instruction in order to proclaim the truth.

To connect to one another we must make time for each...

Good morning, Five Minute Families! We hope your week was filled with sweet blessings of fellowship and kindness. We had a wonderful weekend here at Clear View Retreat with a group of volunteers coming to help us continue to get the facility able to be open in the winter time. Believe it or not, winter will be here before we know it. If you want more information about what we do here at Clear View Retreat, please check us out at clearviewretreat.org.

Last week we discussed koinonia – for a group of believers, we use the term biblical community. Here on the Five Minute Family, we have often encouraged you to put away your devices and connect to your loved ones. However, putting down your phone will do little for your family and for your biblical community if you heart isn’t right with the Lord. Looking at someone else on their phone when you have put yours down and assuming they are sinning, selfish, distracted, or any of those descriptors, will do nothing for biblical community.

The first listed need in Wagner’s list of biblical community characteristic is for an individual believer to ‘devote daily to a personal relationship with Jesus.’ John 15:5 says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in me and I in him produces much fruit, because you can do nothing without me.”

No matter where you go, some folks are having a rough go at it. Working folks are sick of the grind, stay-at-home parents are sick of the isolation and judgment, kids are tired of feeling like they can’t measure up to their parents’ or teachers’ or church leaders’ expectations. Someone listening here is dealing with mental health issues. Someone is being abused. Quite honestly, any relationship is only as healthy as the least healthy person in it.

Turkle says in Reclaiming Conversation that “The case for conversation begins with the necessary conversations of solitude and self-reflection.” Self-reflection is key. Have you thought about how your personal relationship with Christ impacts your family and biblical community? Gal 5:13-15 tells us, “For you were called to be free, brothers and sisters; only don’t use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but serve one another through love. For the whole law is fulfilled in one statement: love your neighbor as yourself. But if you bite and devour one another, watch out, or you will be consumed by one another.”

Our family mantra is: do the right thing. How do you know what the right thing is unless you know the Truth? Hosea 6:3 says, “Let us strive to know the Lord. His appearance is as sure as the dawn. He will come to us like the rain, like the spring showers that water the land.” And Hosea 6:6 continues, “For I desire faithful love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.” Hosea is encouraging us to know the Lord. Know what is right. Know how to live in biblical community. Know how to disconnect to reconnect. We need that personal time with the Lord, so we can have a knowledge of who He is, who we are, and how we can minister to others.

To start as a disciple who cares (someone who cares) we have to make sure we have a personal connection to the truth – God’s Truth, which means we often have to come to realize the things we need to disconnect from and how to connect more with God. Sam Eaton said it this way, “The truth is, the only one inhibiting your ability to have strong, loving relationships is yourself (and your Netflix account).”

So, we encourage each of listening this week to engage in self-reflection. Here are five prompts to get you started.

1. Think, journal, or pray about a time you’ve been hurt and how God has brought you towards forgiveness.
2. What is one goal you have to strengthen your relationship with God?
3. What is one song that has really impacted your faith journey?
4. What is a book that has greatly...

Good morning, Five Minute Families! How has this week been for you? It’s been a bit crazy for us!

Let’s dive back into our discussion about biblical community. Listen to this story.

A man went to church. He forgot to silence his phone and, of course, it rang during prayer. The pastor scolded him. The worshippers admonished him after prayers for interrupting the silence. His wife kept on lecturing him on his carelessness all the way home. One could see the shame, embarrassment, and humiliation on his face. After all this, he never stepped foot in the church again.

That evening, he went to a bar. He was still nervous and trembling. He spilled his drink on the table by accident. The waiter apologized and gave him a napkin to clean himself. The janitor mopped the floor. The female manager offered him a complimentary drink. She also gave him a huge hug and a peck while saying, “Don’t worry man. Who doesn’t make mistakes?” He has not stopped going to that bar since then.

Do your home and family sound more like the church scenario or the bar scenario? Romans 12:10 tells us to love one another deeply as brothers and sisters and outdo one another in showing honor. We all make mistakes, some bigger than others, of course, but we must learn to live authentically, sharing our struggles with one another. James 5:16 encourages us to confess our sins to one another and pray for one another so that healing may begin. If we have a cut or scrap, just bandaging over it with all the dirt and damaged tissue left inside will cause the wound not to heal or to heal very badly. God knows that when we sin, if we do not bring that sin into the light and find true cleansing, it will harm us and those we say we love.

We need to be authentic with one another in our struggles and in our triumphs. We need to be able to share our hopes and our fears. As Christians we are not to simply take in knowledge, but we are to encourage one another and we are also to pass along what we have learned. One way to do that is to be grace-filled. I love this example of being a grace-filled person: “A grace-filled person is someone who is so full of God’s love that they stop before they react out of anger to assess the situation and see if the person or situation is one that needs grace more than it needs anger.”

Five minute families, ask yourself these five questions:

1. Are your home and biblical community grace-filled?
2. How do you react when people are open about their sins and struggles?
3. Is there authenticity or a culture of pretending?
4. How does your family or biblical community keep conflict open rather than suppressed?
5. How do you express a sense of responsibility to and for one another?

We need God’s knowledge – the Truth of His Word, so that we can absorb it and know it. Sometimes – probably more often than we care to admit – we wrestle with it. Someone who works hard with their hands have visible marks of rough and strong hands. Have we wrestled enough – worked through the Scripture enough – that there is visible showing of His grace through our behavior toward one another? Are we visibly full of grace? Do we speak with faith? Are our hearts full of peace? When difficulties come, actively pursuing forgiveness and reconciliation illuminated by God’s truth is vital to a vibrant home life and biblical community.

Marinate on these verses:

2 Corinthians 12:9 My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness. Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me.

Romans 6:14 For sin will not rule over you, because you a not under the law but under grace.

Christ’s power and our salvation is based on grace. As for me and my house, we choose grace, through Christ alone.

We pray that you have a vibrant biblical community in which you can discuss those questions...

Good morning, Five Minute Families! This might be slated to be a rainy week, but we have a light that shines brightly through all the norms and storms of life, and we are so glad that you let us bring a bit of His truth to you each week.

Let us start with a quick reminder that five minutes is just a start to help us get our minds focused on better relationships through the wisdom of God’s Word. You can take the Bible as only advice and live a fairly great life, or you can realize that God’s Word is both guidance and salvation, bringing abundant living no matter what is happening around us. And, yes, that means living abundantly even in the midst of the COVID chaos. Our prayers are for those who hear this message would come to know Jesus, our Lord and Savior, and believe His truth for life.

So, let’s explore a great verse that is quite applicable to daily life, especially family life and relationships.

Philippians 2:3 states, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.”

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit.

Wait, maybe that isn’t that easy. But, if we are to set our minds and hearts towards relationships, it should start in the right direction. Can we get out of ourselves? Think for a moment about a relationship you have seen in which someone pushed their own agenda above all else. Those relationships are hard enough to watch from the outside; how much harder it is to be living in one. Relationships are two sided. There is give and take.

When we pause to recognize our selfish ambitions and conceit, we can be free from the anchor of what ruins relationships. Remember, though, that takes humility, and as the verse continues, we must consider others as more important than ourselves.

In humility consider others as more important than ourselves.

So, how can this play out in families? In the spirit of the Five Minute Family, let’s explore five examples:

1. Spouses – In Ephesians 5 we see the concept of love and respect. There truly is no room for selfishness in marriage. How would your marriage look if you considered your spouse as more important than yourself? Well, first of all, love and respect would be easier to express. Once that ball of love and respect gets rolling, so many other aspects of daily living fall into place. What if your children saw you holding your spouse in high regard?

Which leads us to…

1. Parents to children – More often than not, parents will go to an extreme with their kids by either placing themselves too far above their children and stifling the child’s unique character OR by allowing the kids to walk all over one or both parents. Who’s really running the house? God’s wisdom allows us to help mold and shape our children as we seek how God has created them in the way they should go. We should not push or pull them, but, rather, lead them the way God leads.
2. Children to parents -Ephesians 6:1 instructs, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, because this is right.” Parents, you probably have heard or said that verse before to your children to get them to obey. Some kids will obey because they want to please their parents; other kids seem to desire the opposite. The “in the Lord” phrase of that verse speaks...

Good morning, Five Minute Families! How is your family handling this new school year? Please share with us your challenges or triumphs on Clear View Retreat’s facebook page, or head over to clearviewretreat.org for more information about us.

Five Minute Families are to devote time to each other, intentionally and abundantly, and we know that having a strong support system means investing time and energy into the support system as well. So, now, we want to look at disconnection within family time in order to build a better biblical community.

We are not saying that you spend all your time with others; we are suggesting balance of personal time, family time, and biblical community time. Here’s a simple analogy. Think of your Five Minute Family as a house with doors and locks. There are times when we lock those doors, holding out anything and everything. We also have the ability to open the doors and invite others in or go out and engage with others where they are. We should not let any one time grouping dominate to the detriment of the others.

Again, our guiding verse here – just as last week’s discussion about humility – is Philippians 2:3-4, which says, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

You know your own interests, and you may have already struggled with those leading to selfish behaviors. If you look at 1 Timothy 4:7, it says, “But have nothing to do with pointless and silly myths. Rather, train yourself in godliness.” The world advertises to your selfish side. Have you seen that Dr. Pepper ad which says, “Sweet reward – you deserve this!”? Does that ad, and many others, help you focus on others or yourself?

We do not deserve the grace of God and yet He freely gives it, and our sweet reward is our fellowship with Him, our families, and our biblical community. So, we train. We work and we gain. Knowing that with God and others we can be successful.

Balance of self, family, and community. The better yourself, the better your family, and the better your community. This includes responsibility – a membership. A membership not to the country club that serves your every desire, but membership in biblical community that reflects Christ’s nature of service to others. You will find that when you serve and get served in community real needs are met, hearts are encouraged, and souls are refreshed.

Authentic loving community is our biblical privilege. It is found in the plethora of one-another verses mentioned throughout God’s Word. It is our unity. It is our love. It is our humility. It is where we serve one another, forgive one another, admonish one another, be hospitable for one another, and be good stewards of the manifold grace of God.

Five Minute Families, how does this play out? Proverbs 27:5 says, “Better an open reprimand than concealed love” That verse has a lot of depth and could be used as a loaded weapon if our desire is to simply correct others out of our flesh or even hit people with hard truths, but when that verse is taken by God’s intention in light of Ephesians 4:15, “speaking the truth in love, let us grow in every way into him who is the head – Christ,” we can grow deeper together.

Take five minutes today to think about one of these thought-points:

1. Think of a time you felt God calling you to do something uncomfortable.
2. What is one gift you have that you love use to build the Kingdom of God?
3. What is one risk you think God might be calling you to take in this season?
4. What is one area of your life that you’re still working with God to find healing in?
5. What is one thing your family loves to do together that can