Good morning, Five Minute Families! We are so glad to be with you again this morning. Today we are closing out our three-week discussion of marriage. We are tackling one of the biggest and most troublesome parts of marriage, communication. But before we go there, we want you to ask yourself, “have I given my marriage an intentional five minutes MORE to connect with my spouse and build a stronger family for God’s kingdom?

One of the reasons we ask that question is to look more to the purpose and not just the mechanics of marriage. Where is your heart in all that you say and do? We know so many couples that choose to read books, listen to podcasts, or go to conferences to gain more knowledge about how to have a better marriage, but they never stop to look at the reason why. Probably the biggest skill sets taught at marriage conferences and events are communication skills.

Don’t get us wrong, I am a communication major and Jim is a counselor. Communication skills and research matter greatly to both of us. It is by applying communication skills and practices that I learned in my college classes that Jim and I are able to choose to engage in conversation even when there is conflict. Those skills have served us when hurts and tragedies surrounded us, and I was floundering greatly. Applying the communication skill of “What I heard you say is…” saved us many hours, days, or weeks of hurt because we were able to address the issue immediately. (check out our March 31 blog on listening for more information if you don’t know what the “What I heard you say is…” skill involves).

But, we all must realize that communication is more than a set of skills to be learned; communication – especially in marriage – is a heart’s attitude showing you value the person with whom you are communicating. If you have ever seen the movie Fireproof, you would have heard about the Love Dare. As the character is going through the motions of the Love Dare, doing and saying certain things to “win her back,” at one point he gets frustrated that his wife is not responding. The lead character’s father points out that his heart isn’t really in it.

Where is your heart when you communicate with your spouse? Are you listening fully and trying to understand, or are you waiting for him to hurry up and finish so you can get back to your Amazon Prime Video? Applying Ephesians 4:29 which says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” can be hard when we are home after a long day of controlling our tongues with the annoying work colleague or a long day of dealing with children who neither listen nor understand when they do. We so often slip into the “social media” way of communicating. You know, saying whatever we want, whenever we want, and expecting a non-committal “I’m sorry” afterward to suffice for our inherently bad behavior.

We would like to highlight five points that can radically change your marital communication:

1. First, always pray before addressing an issue with your spouse (and, well, with anyone really).
2. Second – and also before addressing any situation, ask yourself if this is a potentially explosive topic that might need to be discussed at a different, prescribed time.
3. Next, make sure you choose your words carefully. Take a moment to make sure the word you are choosing is the one that best conveys your thoughts AND remember to choose words that you know will help your spouse better understand you.
4. Number 4, please remember that your joking may not be as innocently taken as you intend it to be.
5. Finally, if you are already in the heat of the moment of conflict, remember that is never too late to do that right thing.

We ask again, where is your heart’s focus when you communicate with your spouse? Are the words of your mouth acceptable to the Lord? Are you...

Good morning, Five Minute Families. Thank you for joining us today. If you would like more information about the ministry we lead at Clear View Retreat, please check us out at www.clearviewretreat.org.

Today we wanna talk about an old saying that has been attributed to a number of different people, so we can’t give proper credit, but the saying goes,

“Good, better, best, never let it rest until your good is better and your better is best.”

In our walk with Christ, through our daily living, interacting with others, ourselves, and God, we should strive to be more Christ-like. Christ demonstrated the best relationships and perfect life for us as our model. It is through the process of sanctification and growth in love, that we can start to think like Christ. God tells us in 2 Corinthians 10:15 to “take every thought captive to obey Christ.”

We start to realize that: Our first thoughts are often not our best thoughts, so, never let it rest until our first thoughts are God thoughts and those are best.

When your child has disobeyed you deliberately for the 5th time that day… what are your first thoughts? what are your God thoughts?

When your spouse has ignored you because of a fight from five days ago… what are your first thoughts? what are your God thoughts?

When you are overwhelmed and tired and still something else needs to be done for a loved one… what are your first thoughts? what are your God thoughts?

You see, Five Minute Families, if we don’t take the time to take our first thoughts captive as God tells us and then choose to meditate on His Word to decide how to move forward or how to respond, we often end up in defeat, irritation, or even condemnation. So many places of hurt and additional challenges will arise if we do not remember that while we are new creations when we have been saved by Christ, we are still on this earthly journey. Our flesh and natural first thoughts will still rear their ugly heads.

One modern example of not giving over to first thoughts can be seen time and again in social media. Averaged across demographics over 80% of adults in the United States have a mobile device and at least half of those – and probably more if the numbers based out of the UK are an accurate reflection – are smartphones. That means that we all have social media at our fingertips. Think about social media and first thoughts versus God thoughts. Facebook asks us, “what’s one your mind?” But, should we always answer that question aloud to anyone but the Lord? We all have at least one friend who spouts off and overshares on social media, often deleting or regretting his or her post. Five minute families must choose to do better.

One way we tried to deal with this in our home was by removing phones, tablets, or computers immediately if the boys got in trouble. Of course, the kids thought this was a punishment. However, that was not our motivation, although continued removal sometimes was necessary for discipline. Removal of their attachments to social media and friends via text and messaging was because we knew as adults their first thought might be to send a frustrated message to a friend or possibly post a rude comment online. Those immediate rants could then later open them up to continuing the hurt or negative situation even after the pain may have subsided or the situation may have been resolved.

Setting our kids up for success in learning how to deal with first thoughts versus God thoughts takes thinking about each past and future potential situation and seeing how we can help them navigate those difficult moments. We must resolve to remind our families about God when we sit in our houses and when we walk by the way, and when we lie down and when we rise up.

Please head over to our blog or facebook page to share with us your ideas about first thoughts versus God thoughts.

We appreciate your letting...

Good morning, Five Minute Families! It is wonderful to joining you this first Tuesday of July 2020. This year has brought so many challenges and difficulties as well as unexpected blessings. We pray that God has shown you His power and might through all the unknowns.

This morning we would like to chat about family freedom. First, let’s define freedom. Freedom means “the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.”

So often in life we do not actually have the freedoms we think we do. We all answer to someone, somehow. With July 4th being last weekend, many pastors and evangelists were pointing out the freedom we have in Christ Jesus. He paid for our sins, and we are free from the eternal consequences of them. But, as most of us have found out one way or another, the earthly consequences will, in all likelihood, still come.

Because of the consequences of bad behavior at work or in some public space, many of us do not feel free to truly be ourselves or act the way we want. Thus, unfortunately, many of us “let it all go” when we’re get home. Just as we addressed last week, we give over to our first thoughts instead of pausing and focusing instead on God thoughts.

There is balance to be found between sharing our true feelings and thoughts with learning to pause and respond well in God’s manner. Turning your mind to God thoughts does not mean ignoring all your hurts, needs, or wants. Focusing on God thoughts is not meant to remove the unique qualities He placed in you. God thoughts are meant to better who He made YOU to be, to allow you and your family members the freedom to explore the full meaning of John 8:36, “So, if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”

Let us give you an example of what we mean. The other night at dinner one of our sons said something that we both thought was said simply to scare his youngest brother, but the one who said it was so upset by our admonishment that we had to take a step back, figuratively, and ask him if he truly believed what he had just said. He fully believed it; it was a typical false belief about Satan and darkness. Once we realized that we needed to help him understand the truth about evil and darkness, we also knew we needed to repair the damage we had done by the admonishment. We had to explain that we were not upset but glad he had spoken what he believed to be true. False beliefs cannot be explained and reevaluated if they are never brought up and discussed.

God instructs parents to provide love, learning, necessities, and more. One of the things we need to provide is family freedom. This allows both parent and child to grow in their knowledge of each other and for the parent to prayerfully consider the way the Lord is guiding the child and grow to a deeper understanding of God’s purpose and plan for the child. A Five Minute Family must have a home in which everyone is allowed to:

Communicate their hopes and dreams,

Confess their mistakes,

Express their fears,

Ask their questions,

And share what they have learned.

When we encouraged you last week to pause after your first thoughts and work toward only responding with God thoughts, it was not to stifle who you are or to remove the freedom we all so desperately need in life. No, God thoughts give us MORE freedom because we know that those who love us will be understanding and kind when we make mistakes. (Of course, sometimes we laugh, too, but not AT each other, only WITH each other). God thoughts in a family allow us MORE freedom to be ourselves because we know that those around us will lift us up and we know that God has so much more planned for our uniqueness than the limits we place.

Is your family living in freedom? Are you seeking God and His ways – His thoughts – to build each other up? Begin today with just five minutes of mediation on His word and then sharing those