(1996 - 2024) Gina Tunis, prankster and software savant, died yesterday in the waste of her own making. Known mainly as the only non-b*tch daughter to two Swedish parents, Tunis went through the world in full throttle attack mode: hiring unqualified people who were fun, avoiding a criminal record, and disrespecting parking lot spots with cows. Alongside her two friends Shawnie and Dave, Tunis attempted to form a trio and build the first meaningful relationships of her life at the time of her death. She will be remembered by her boss who she wanted to kill, and the pranks she executed during the course of her short life - arsonists all over town will burn down domiciles as tribute to her life tomorrow night. SEASON FINALE NEXT THURSDAY.

(1994 - 2024) Tannen Baum, heir to the Baum Swamp Water Dynasty from Prussia, died last night in front of a Prussian militia while wearing his beautiful purple ermine robe. Baum, known for his Vermont morality and for resurrecting his family's semi-defunct swamp water company, left no stone unturned in his pursuit of spreading Prussian nationalism. Despite turning the National and State Park Ranger System into a breeding ground for his new swamp water empire, he will be remembered fondly by Park Ranger Michaels, Park Ranger Michaels' son, and the greater community of Danville VT. Tannen Baum's funeral will be livestreamed during the 6:30pm national TV slot of Nightly News with Prussian Holt and Prussian Williams. New episode Thursday!

(2006 - 2024) Miami Wednesday, one of the last high schoolers from Schenoodle, Ohio, passed away last night far from home. Famed for being the only teenager in Schenoodle, Ohio to smoke pot, Miami was born destined to be in Boston, struggling for the whole of her short life to get to the East Coast. Despite her fascination with hair and makeup, Miami was trapped by both the pastoral confines of rural Ohio, and the shadow of her wig-smelling brother Kevin. She will be remembered for her persistence, her love of leprechauns, and her abrasive curse words. You can read her funeral via Stenographer's transcript sometime later this week. New episode Thursday!